Friday, September 30, 2011

Words Can't Explain

I’ve always hated one thing about journalism and storytelling.

As a writer, you get to hear the full story of someone’s experience that you’re writing about. Then you have to condense it, choosing what’s “most important” and sharing a recap for your audience. The audience never knows the difference. The writer remembers the shared emotions, tears, laughs, and entirety of the story that makes the “most important” points so significant.

It’s something only you and your interviewee get to share, and cutting out any of their story feels so unfair. You know your audience will never fully understand...and that has always made me sad. Every single article I’ve written, it frustrates me beyond belief to keep cutting and shortening the story, wishing I could convey all that I’d heard.
That’s how I feel about Thursday nights…and all Broken Hearts experiences. Especially last night. There was so much that happened and many levels of significant that I can’t possibly share in a blog. Yet, as always, I will do my best to convey the “most important” moments and enjoy the rest for myself, with God.
This week was “White as Snow”, our monthly free laundry service. Last month was fairly slow and chill, so I wasn’t expecting to walk in this week about an hour after it had started to see the Laundromat filled with people.

By the time I got there, we were almost out of quarters. That has never happened. In fact, we always go home with extra. This time, two hours before it ended, we were frantically trying to round up the leftover quarters for laundry, even as more people were coming.

One guy, who I’ve met a few times but don’t know, stopped me to ask a question. He acknowledged we didn’t really know each other but he’d heard a lot about me from one of our other friends that I see and help out frequently. He was looking for a job and place to stay, and that conversation led to an opportunity to hang out for a bit and hear about his life. All I had to say was, “so, what’s your story?” and he spilled a whole lot.
Let me tell you, I am constantly encouraged and inspired by people I meet on the boulevard. They have been through things you wouldn’t wish on your enemy, and yet have so much strength and faith in God and are content in so many circumstances, it blows my mind.
 I can go out upset about something happening in my life, and after one conversation, I’m just ready to praise God! Yet the beauty is that they need incredible encouragement and continual pointing back to God, so we get to serve one another. Like this guy, who was so happy to take a bible for free as we talked about the life that’s found in just reading and dwelling on the Word and in prayer.

As our bible study closed – and we hadn’t left the Laundromat to even tell people about bible study – we settled into our “seats” (on the wall and sidewalk) for The Refuge. There were probably about 17 of us to start, and the more kept coming…and coming. I counted 22 who actually came and stayed for all of almost all of the message!

As I watched, I nearly teared up (which is a lot of emotion for me). For months, we’d had just a handful of people at bible study, often ones we’d had to persuade slightly to come hang out. These recent weeks, people just flood in by their own accord and knowledge that we’re there. It blows my mind every time.
What really threw me this time, though, was that one guy who is strongly agnostic, who I’ve had religious debates with came. He generally says hi and rolls on, not wanting to be a part of what we’re doing. But he came in this time…and stayed. This is one of those times you can’t ever know the fully story. But the fact that this drug dealer and anti-Christ came and stayed completely baffled me. In fact, he hugged Antquan at the end and told him it was a great message. What?!

This particular week, Antquan decided to do something completely different. He spoke about living for Christ and not the world – in action, not just word - as he has been in recent weeks…but then invited people to come up,  to receive prayer for breakthrough.

We’d been talking about seeing breakthrough in some pattern in our life. Several people had shared thoughts that I knew were just what others needed to hear… and about five people went up there for prayer. Then we all circled around and prayed together simultaneously and out loud for these people and each other.
All I know is, the Holy Spirit was moving in that moment. Nothing like that has ever happened. I looked up near the end and one guy I’d invited last minute was tearing up. Then, one of our long-term friends who we haven’t seen in weeks, prayed for us as a ministry. That rarely happens. And for me, in the midst of weeks of weakness, trial, feelings of inadequacy and worry about provision, his prayer was so ridiculously encouraging to me.
 It showed me that God is moving. That God DOES want me here. That he’s going to provide. That we ARE making a difference for his Kingdom here. And I cried (which is not normal for me out there).

Afterward, I chatted with two men, one the guy I’d invited who had received prayer and been pretty emotional. He kept saying how inspired he was, how God had brought him here. His continued tears and  stories showed that, while he is a Christian, he was struggling and was being encouraged to fight the good fight.

Another guy who had randomly showed up because his car had broken down talked with us, so passionate about Jesus. They were both SO excited about what we were doing. They were encouraging each other. We were praising Jesus together. I felt like I was at church, honestly. 
Then I looked around at the other conversations, laughter, prayer, etc that were happening. I was so struck at this family that has formed. Something has changed. It’s hard to pinpoint it…but it feels as much like family and the messy body of Christ that my church does. Community is genuinely forming here.

The man whose car had broken down expressed that this “thing” is going to get bigger and really take off. The other man was excited to invite others to bring that about. Mine and others prayers from our team, prayer team lately, has been for that increase. For God to really multiply these efforts and expand our territory.
When he said that, my faith grew. When they talked SOO excitedly about this night and how grateful for it they were, my faith grew. I’ve never wanted to cry so much (for happy reasons( in one night at Broken Hearts.

Maybe it’s just me (hopefully not) but I felt a change Thursday night. We’re on the cusp of our 7th Birthday Celebration Fundraiser, remembering all that God has done and looking to the future. At 7 years (kind of an important number, if you know your bible), and preparing to hire two of us next year for full-time ministry. It’s incredibly scary, but this night showed it’s all worth celebrating and anticipating.

I went into the night feeling inadequate… doubtful. I left the night seeing the Holy Spirit move on Santa Monica and Las Palmas, calling people back to him and to change. I left encouraged and assured that this IS worthwhile. That God IS moving. That pouring our life into this IS important. That lives are being changed, and that every minute of sewing in tears will be reaped in joy – and are already. PRAISE GOD!

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