Sunday, March 9, 2008

From time to time I manage to find just enough still, quiet, or even just a moment alone driving in my car in which God is able to use to speak. Luckily, God can find any moment to speak, but I know I don't make it easy, with the hurried pace of my life, constant thoughts and preparations and socializing and planning and doing. Part of the reason that we don't stop is because sometimes in the quiet we end up thinking about the things we don't want to face. For me, I sometimes ponder the whys and whats of life - why I'm here, what the point is, what all the striving and doing and planning is really for. And if it weren't for God, that would be a very depressing question. Actually, it kind of is anyway...because I realize that much of what I do quite often doesn't really matter - not unless it furthers my relationship with God, others, or brings glory to Him. It strikes me that what really counts is the time I give to him and the time I use to serve others. And even then, I so often miss Him in it. How tragic that is.

I had a time in Hollywood this week that showed what is important and how he really does use us up there...and kind of missed it, at least missed the depth and significance until several days later.

Because I was pondering this question of what the point is, what the significance of my life and my constant striving is...and I thought back to a conversation around 11:15pm in a Del Taco with 2 other Broken Hearts members and a woman we befriended long ago who has been the most consistent person out there. A few months ago she really started realizing more of what it was to follow Jesus and has committed to being at our bible study every Thursday night. Because she's always there, I think I take for granted what God was doing. He's totally changed this woman, he's shaping her circumstances to bring her closer to's such an obvious, drastic change that has taken place over time...and yet I practically miss it every week, looking elsewhere to see what God is doing and why he doesn't seem to do more. Turns out He is working and I'm the clueless one who's totally oblivious.

In our conversation she mentioned how she's thought about ending her life several times, and I forget her exact wording, but at least a big reason for why she hasn't is because she has us. "You guys are my family" she told us. "I know you're there for me." Clearly she has had many of these moments of pondering what the point is, what her life is worth, and questioning whether she should go on. But she has a group of people who keep her going, because she knows we care, we're there for her, and we love and value her. We're probably the only people speaking any encouraging truth into her life during the week, the only people pointing her towards her loving Father.

That's what we're here for, that's the point of this sometimes-seemingly pointless life. Bringing people to Jesus, expanding the Kingdom of God. At least for me, it shows me how sad it is to spend so much time working, striving, serving myself when all of that is meaningless if it's not serving to bring myself and others closer to Christ. How sad that I can miss what He's doing, even when I'm looking for it. And yet how encouraging that He is at work even when I can't see, and that he's really changing lives on Santa Monica blvd, one broken heart at a time.