Posts
I haven't posted anything in a while...and quite honestly, it is partially due to some weariness, frustrations, and many questions that I have been asking God. The fruit of our ministry is not always visible, and often takes a long time of sowing to do any type of reaping. So, while I won't go into all the personal details at this time, God has been doing some amazing things lately and answering many questions and putting his power on display. So... 'How can I keep from singing?' (or writing).
A few weeks ago I saw a friend of our, 'Mark', who knows God but knows he's doing a lot of wrong right now and doesn't believe he would go to heaven at this time if he died. He is very quiet, very reserved, and seems to have a bit more awareness and shame at the life he leads. I saw him dressed as a girl (I knew he was gay but did not know he dressed in drag), looking very awkward and shy, hanging out with a pimp, then tried to talk to him a bit....and then watched him get in a car with a guy. That is just about the worst thing you can watch happen there. A 17 year-old kid, obviously lonely and confused about life, waste it like that.
Last week, however, we saw him again, this time dressed like a guy, saying that he had been 'trying out' the prostitution thing and it wasn't for him. He wants to move to Utah to get away from the city and find a job and get out of the life he's in right now. He was full of emotion (anger and passion and laughter), which was amazing because he rarely shows emotion, and he was more talkative and open than I've ever seen him. Granted, he had been drinking a bit, but he was very honest and chatty with us. It was so good to see him like this, so much easier to talk to him and share our lives. That was a huge blessing.
Recently, probably the most amazing story that I've heard since being in this ministry, is that our friend Precious, who wouldn't even talk to the group when they first met him, became so weary of his life that he finally laid it down for Jesus. He accepted Christ and left to go home to a family who wants nothing to do with him. He got on a bus and left behind hard drugs, prostitution, homosexuality and the rest of his life in Hollywood!!! This is a miracle that only God could do. It may have taken years, but it happened, and encouraged us all in the ministry that we are doing. PRAISE GOD! We are praying for him like crazy now, as this is a great opportunity for Satan to attack, and where Precious has little support.
The ministry is growing, more people are joining up, familiar faces are returning to our bible studies, and we have a website coming soon.
Not only all of this, but this ministry is one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of. It's like another family, and while we are so different and have such varied backgrounds and experiences, we are bonded through Christ. Last night several of us sat around the Thanksgiving table, sharing what we are grateful for and breaking bread together. What an amazing time! People of all ages, races, cultures and pasts, sitting together and praising God for what he has done. And one of those people, now part of our ministry, used to live in Hollywood, doing the drugs and Escorting and porn. Now he sits at a table with us praising what God has done in his life. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?
Friday, November 23, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Change
I was reminded once again last night how much I love this crazy ministry. Or maybe what's great is that it's not crazy, it's just a fun, somewhat unique ministry. And that's what I love, it's not typical or predictable...you never know what to expect, and you can never tell what God will be doing.
Last night I met one of my new favorite people. I think what i enjoyed about talking with "Harry" was that he was a clear demonstration of God showing up in unexpected places and bringing such different people together. Nick and I were hanging out near the favorite Mexican food stand, meeting some new people who were very friendly. One very young, "Danny", and getting to know them (more on that later). In the middle of conversation, a 39 year-old black man, dressed in all black, about 6'3, holding a lighter in hand, interrupted us abruptly trying to find someone. He apparently knew the people we were talking to, and within the first three minutes he had yelled, cussed, used some other choice words, and told us he was trying to sell weed. He didn't pay attention to me or Nick for several minutes, and my first impression was, "uh, okay, can you leave so we can talk to these people...you're a little scary." After a few minutes of friendly banter between these people, the food that Danny and his friend had ordered was ready, so they went around the corner and left us with Harry.
That was when it all changed - "So what are you up to tonight?" he asked us with a smile. Right then, any worry or discomfort I had was gone, and I knew we were going to have a good chat. From there we talked about bible study, and he said he needed to come to a bible study...that he believes in God but is tired of churches always trying to get people's money. He reads the bible, he grew up going to church. He's from New Orleans, and we chatted about Katrina and the city. He told us about getting shot in the head and stabbed, and knows that he's only here by the grace of God. He talked of prison and working with youth in a mental facility while on probation, and how the kids loved him because they could relate to him. He could help them out of their rough lives and from getting into trouble because he'd lived it, and so they listened when he advised them. But his supervisor hadn't wanted him around because of his criminal record. We ended up stopping the conversation because our bible study was going to start, and thought he would come with us. He said he'd come, but we didn't see him the rest of the night, although he said he'd be there in the future...whatever that means. But I told him, "You gotta hang out with us, I like you, I want to talk to you more." He smiled and took off, but I really hope he comes back. He knows the truth, he just needs to experience it and have it drilled into his head a bit more. But you can't help but see God, chillin' with someone so incredibly different from ourselves, yet we can talk of church and God and laugh together. Maybe he needed us that night to remind him of what he's been letting slip from his life...
I realized last night that sometimes, because change is so small and gradual, and God often does it where our eyes can't see, that I am either miss it, or I just take it for granted. But He's constantly working and changing hearts, even if I don't recognize it at first. Allow me to share some of this change that I observed last night after talking to Harry.
Our good friend, "Big Mama" has recently gone through quite a bit. Let go from her job as security, and two weeks ago she had a seizure for the first time, with no previous instances or related health-issues. When she came to our bible study the week following her seizure, it was clear in her eyes, her speech, and her dimeanor that something had changed. She had stopped drinking or smoking pot, realizing it had effected her health, and she had been reading the bible and particularly touched by the Psalms. She was excited to come to our bible study, she is going to try and get back into relationship with her children who aren't talking to her, and she returned again this week. Seeing her smile and excitement to be there again with us...whew, that is God shining through! She was almost like a little child with her excitement to see us, talk about the Word of God, and with her attentiveness to our bible study. It may have been gradual, but that is major change to praise God for.
Also at our bible study was 'Tony' who is a new but dear friend, with news that he is going back to school and has been staying at friend's house, meaning he is no longer on the streets. Hearing him pray, and say, "Can we all agree on one thing? That God is good?"...what a joyful noise :) And his friend who has come a few times to our bible study was there again, a bit more outspoken than I had seen him before, sharing prayer requests for a job and asking for a chance to pray. His passion in prayer was surprising for me to see, I hadn't expected that. And Tony told us that his friend, who has touched my heart, has a place to stay right now as well. Their friend, Danny, who we had met earlier that night also came and joined with us in prayer requests and shared some of what is happening in his life. He shared how thankful he is for his family, a place to live. He reminded us to find joy each day, even if it's just in doing something different, that you don't always have to be sad. This is a young kid who has lived on the streets, moved from Chicago, and not sure what else he's been through, but has a beautiful smile and nothing but good things to say and praises to God for what he has.
All of these people are heading in the right direction, seeking God and wanting more than life on the streets. And that desire and will to do more is nothing short of a miracle.
Last night I met one of my new favorite people. I think what i enjoyed about talking with "Harry" was that he was a clear demonstration of God showing up in unexpected places and bringing such different people together. Nick and I were hanging out near the favorite Mexican food stand, meeting some new people who were very friendly. One very young, "Danny", and getting to know them (more on that later). In the middle of conversation, a 39 year-old black man, dressed in all black, about 6'3, holding a lighter in hand, interrupted us abruptly trying to find someone. He apparently knew the people we were talking to, and within the first three minutes he had yelled, cussed, used some other choice words, and told us he was trying to sell weed. He didn't pay attention to me or Nick for several minutes, and my first impression was, "uh, okay, can you leave so we can talk to these people...you're a little scary." After a few minutes of friendly banter between these people, the food that Danny and his friend had ordered was ready, so they went around the corner and left us with Harry.
That was when it all changed - "So what are you up to tonight?" he asked us with a smile. Right then, any worry or discomfort I had was gone, and I knew we were going to have a good chat. From there we talked about bible study, and he said he needed to come to a bible study...that he believes in God but is tired of churches always trying to get people's money. He reads the bible, he grew up going to church. He's from New Orleans, and we chatted about Katrina and the city. He told us about getting shot in the head and stabbed, and knows that he's only here by the grace of God. He talked of prison and working with youth in a mental facility while on probation, and how the kids loved him because they could relate to him. He could help them out of their rough lives and from getting into trouble because he'd lived it, and so they listened when he advised them. But his supervisor hadn't wanted him around because of his criminal record. We ended up stopping the conversation because our bible study was going to start, and thought he would come with us. He said he'd come, but we didn't see him the rest of the night, although he said he'd be there in the future...whatever that means. But I told him, "You gotta hang out with us, I like you, I want to talk to you more." He smiled and took off, but I really hope he comes back. He knows the truth, he just needs to experience it and have it drilled into his head a bit more. But you can't help but see God, chillin' with someone so incredibly different from ourselves, yet we can talk of church and God and laugh together. Maybe he needed us that night to remind him of what he's been letting slip from his life...
I realized last night that sometimes, because change is so small and gradual, and God often does it where our eyes can't see, that I am either miss it, or I just take it for granted. But He's constantly working and changing hearts, even if I don't recognize it at first. Allow me to share some of this change that I observed last night after talking to Harry.
Our good friend, "Big Mama" has recently gone through quite a bit. Let go from her job as security, and two weeks ago she had a seizure for the first time, with no previous instances or related health-issues. When she came to our bible study the week following her seizure, it was clear in her eyes, her speech, and her dimeanor that something had changed. She had stopped drinking or smoking pot, realizing it had effected her health, and she had been reading the bible and particularly touched by the Psalms. She was excited to come to our bible study, she is going to try and get back into relationship with her children who aren't talking to her, and she returned again this week. Seeing her smile and excitement to be there again with us...whew, that is God shining through! She was almost like a little child with her excitement to see us, talk about the Word of God, and with her attentiveness to our bible study. It may have been gradual, but that is major change to praise God for.
Also at our bible study was 'Tony' who is a new but dear friend, with news that he is going back to school and has been staying at friend's house, meaning he is no longer on the streets. Hearing him pray, and say, "Can we all agree on one thing? That God is good?"...what a joyful noise :) And his friend who has come a few times to our bible study was there again, a bit more outspoken than I had seen him before, sharing prayer requests for a job and asking for a chance to pray. His passion in prayer was surprising for me to see, I hadn't expected that. And Tony told us that his friend, who has touched my heart, has a place to stay right now as well. Their friend, Danny, who we had met earlier that night also came and joined with us in prayer requests and shared some of what is happening in his life. He shared how thankful he is for his family, a place to live. He reminded us to find joy each day, even if it's just in doing something different, that you don't always have to be sad. This is a young kid who has lived on the streets, moved from Chicago, and not sure what else he's been through, but has a beautiful smile and nothing but good things to say and praises to God for what he has.
All of these people are heading in the right direction, seeking God and wanting more than life on the streets. And that desire and will to do more is nothing short of a miracle.
Friday, September 28, 2007
When I first started writing this blog, and first began with the Ministry of Broken Hearts, I posted a quote from a Bethany Dillon song that had influenced my decions and desires greatly in this process. “You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor. You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore…”
There was something so powerful about that to me, that exemplified how Jesus lived, who he came for, who he associated with, and how he would have been able to befriend anyone who wanted to know him or needed him. He did not just preach, he shared his time and his life and showed people that he cared for them specifically. Yet this picture seemed so far from my own life. How many friends did I have that were not Christians? Maybe a handful. And how many were leading really terrible lives? Less. What relation did I have to this picture, how could I ever be that type of person, even as inspiring as it was. But it is what drove me each week, and I would listen to the song in preparation.
Reflecting on last night, as well as many other evenings in Hollywood…it appears that somewhere along the line, in just a few short months, that God made me into that type of person. I don’t know how…prayer and dependence played a part for sure…but I give credit to the Holy Spirit. I don’t like street evangelism, or being out of my comfort zone, or even staying up late. And yet, here I am talking to people about Jesus on the street by my own choice, giving up my own comfort, and befriending the types of people I would never have expected to meet.
Last night I didn’t have much deep discussion with anyone. But I got to hang out, laugh, and enjoy the company of so many fun people. We met a new friend on the street with whom we all shared stories with of crazy stuff we did as kids, and what kinds of movies and music we like, and laughed as he told us many of his stories. He even asked for our cell phone numbers and asked one of us to call him the next day, just because he enjoyed hanging out with us, even though he’s got tons of friends on the street.
After bible study I was grouped up with a guy that one of our team members befriended long ago and they have been very close ever since. He’s incredibly warm and funny and thoughtful, and we sat on the sidewalk talking about everything from the bible and forgiveness to text messaging and stories from the past. I sat at my desk laughing this morning, recalling his humorous retelling of how he sprained his ankle recently, which was probably one of the funniest things I’ve heard since being down there.
Yet this is not a one-time occurance…this happens fairly frequently, when we get time between serious discussions to just hang out and laugh and share stories and get to know each other. And that’s what struck me recently listening to that song again. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere in these last few months I got comfortable with “the wounded and the poor” and sharing stories and fellowship with “the thieves and the whores”. It doesn’t seem like a stretch any more to have these types of relationships, to share my life with people so incredibly different from me. But I enjoy it, I get to learn from them as well, I get to find peace from my worries and joy in their humor and distraction from my miniscule problems when I’m down there. I have the exciting opportunity to invest in their lives, make them smile, listen to them and be an extension of Jesus Christ each week. And I know this has nothing to do with me, it is entirely God working through me - through my hands and feet and mouth and heart. That is why this is so exciting to me - I know i am not capable of this on my own, this story is only exciting because God is doing what he does best, and transforming me to be used by Him for his purposes. And I believe he can do the same with the people we meet.
There was something so powerful about that to me, that exemplified how Jesus lived, who he came for, who he associated with, and how he would have been able to befriend anyone who wanted to know him or needed him. He did not just preach, he shared his time and his life and showed people that he cared for them specifically. Yet this picture seemed so far from my own life. How many friends did I have that were not Christians? Maybe a handful. And how many were leading really terrible lives? Less. What relation did I have to this picture, how could I ever be that type of person, even as inspiring as it was. But it is what drove me each week, and I would listen to the song in preparation.
Reflecting on last night, as well as many other evenings in Hollywood…it appears that somewhere along the line, in just a few short months, that God made me into that type of person. I don’t know how…prayer and dependence played a part for sure…but I give credit to the Holy Spirit. I don’t like street evangelism, or being out of my comfort zone, or even staying up late. And yet, here I am talking to people about Jesus on the street by my own choice, giving up my own comfort, and befriending the types of people I would never have expected to meet.
Last night I didn’t have much deep discussion with anyone. But I got to hang out, laugh, and enjoy the company of so many fun people. We met a new friend on the street with whom we all shared stories with of crazy stuff we did as kids, and what kinds of movies and music we like, and laughed as he told us many of his stories. He even asked for our cell phone numbers and asked one of us to call him the next day, just because he enjoyed hanging out with us, even though he’s got tons of friends on the street.
After bible study I was grouped up with a guy that one of our team members befriended long ago and they have been very close ever since. He’s incredibly warm and funny and thoughtful, and we sat on the sidewalk talking about everything from the bible and forgiveness to text messaging and stories from the past. I sat at my desk laughing this morning, recalling his humorous retelling of how he sprained his ankle recently, which was probably one of the funniest things I’ve heard since being down there.
Yet this is not a one-time occurance…this happens fairly frequently, when we get time between serious discussions to just hang out and laugh and share stories and get to know each other. And that’s what struck me recently listening to that song again. I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere in these last few months I got comfortable with “the wounded and the poor” and sharing stories and fellowship with “the thieves and the whores”. It doesn’t seem like a stretch any more to have these types of relationships, to share my life with people so incredibly different from me. But I enjoy it, I get to learn from them as well, I get to find peace from my worries and joy in their humor and distraction from my miniscule problems when I’m down there. I have the exciting opportunity to invest in their lives, make them smile, listen to them and be an extension of Jesus Christ each week. And I know this has nothing to do with me, it is entirely God working through me - through my hands and feet and mouth and heart. That is why this is so exciting to me - I know i am not capable of this on my own, this story is only exciting because God is doing what he does best, and transforming me to be used by Him for his purposes. And I believe he can do the same with the people we meet.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
By Grace, I have been saved
Over the last few days, I have been praying that God would give me a better understanding of both his power and might, that I might tremble in reverence before him; and also that I would be able to grasp his grace and mercy towards us, that pleasing him would me my greatest and only concern in light of who He is and how gracious he has been to me when I only deserve death. Because, it's true that God is our friend and father, but far too often I make him just that, so much less than all that he is, and don't come before Him in awe as creator of the universe.
Last night, in Hollywood, God in his mercy gently began to open my eyes to his grace in my life... I just returned from my lunch break, where I spent a good portion of it crying because of the darkness and depth of despair that I have witnessed in this sick world. Last night I spent my evening in Hollywood, as I do every Thursday. Our friend "Zoe" had just returned from rehab, now 28 days sober (from meth), which was the highlight of the evening.
For some time I wandered around with a young "girl" who even I have a hard time remembering that he is actually a transvestite, born as a man. He spent most of his time looking for work, getting groped by some strange man, and taking a few hits of marijuana. The week before he had come to our bible study, but was completely drunk and left with a scary looking man.
After our bible study I sat with Antquan and a homeless man that we know well. He talked about his time in prison, his transgender girlfriend, pan-handling, and the car dealership that he sleeps at.
The rest of the evening I sat with a17 year-old boy who recently ran away from a group home and is now living on the streets and prostituting for money. There are some people who seem to stick in my mind more than others, for whatever reason, and this was one of them. Many people either deny or hide their unhappiness..."Evan" was not one of those. He could barely smile, and almost started crying as he talked about how he has no hopes or dreams anymore, believing that they would never come true, so he never lets his mind go there anymore. It was hard to find things to talk to him about, because everything seems to be depressing to him. He has aboslutely no hope and no happiness, and the sadness in his eyes is still seared into my brain.
I offered to help him, asked about what kind of work he could do, only to hear all of his I.D. had recently been stolen. I told him we could hang out sometime....I tried to come up with anything to help him out..buy clothes, anything, yet feeling like I could do nothing. He's a Christian, but doesn't know how to reconcile that with his lifestyle...I can barely even offer the hope of Jesus.
And it hit me after talking to me...what makes me any different? He was born to parents who abandoned him and has been in and out of foster/group care his whole life. I was born to loving, middle-class white parents and well taken care of. I did absolutely nothing to deserve the life I've been given. Granted, I have probably made some better choices based on my family and God-given wisdom and the Holy Spirit's help, so my life has turned out well. And perhaps this young man has made some poor choices to end up where he is. But still, I have done nothing to deserve what God has given me. Why is that?...Well, His Grace. For some reason, God chose to give me great parents, great family, a nice place to live, and wisdom to make good decisions. I have a home, more food than I need, a great job to go to every day, and plenty of opportunity to do new things, see new places, continue my education, etc. When I look into the eyes of these people, I think...that could be me. I could be in the same place in my life if God had chose to put me in a different situation. There is nothing that makes me more deserving, except that God has been so merciful to me and allowed me to know him. How humbling an experience! I still have so much more to learn about his grace, mercy and compassion...so much that it causes me to fall to my knees every day...but this was a step in that direction.
When you see with your own eyes what you have been saved from, how can you not turn, cry out, and worship your Savior? How can I not give my life back in gratitude, forget my problems, and give to others until I'm worn out? I pray that God will always be my greatest pleasure, and am learning that understanding his mercy in my life is part of that. When that can be grasped, what else would I want to do but please him?... Dear God, thank you for demonstrating just a taste of your grace and mercy!
Last night, in Hollywood, God in his mercy gently began to open my eyes to his grace in my life... I just returned from my lunch break, where I spent a good portion of it crying because of the darkness and depth of despair that I have witnessed in this sick world. Last night I spent my evening in Hollywood, as I do every Thursday. Our friend "Zoe" had just returned from rehab, now 28 days sober (from meth), which was the highlight of the evening.
For some time I wandered around with a young "girl" who even I have a hard time remembering that he is actually a transvestite, born as a man. He spent most of his time looking for work, getting groped by some strange man, and taking a few hits of marijuana. The week before he had come to our bible study, but was completely drunk and left with a scary looking man.
After our bible study I sat with Antquan and a homeless man that we know well. He talked about his time in prison, his transgender girlfriend, pan-handling, and the car dealership that he sleeps at.
The rest of the evening I sat with a17 year-old boy who recently ran away from a group home and is now living on the streets and prostituting for money. There are some people who seem to stick in my mind more than others, for whatever reason, and this was one of them. Many people either deny or hide their unhappiness..."Evan" was not one of those. He could barely smile, and almost started crying as he talked about how he has no hopes or dreams anymore, believing that they would never come true, so he never lets his mind go there anymore. It was hard to find things to talk to him about, because everything seems to be depressing to him. He has aboslutely no hope and no happiness, and the sadness in his eyes is still seared into my brain.
I offered to help him, asked about what kind of work he could do, only to hear all of his I.D. had recently been stolen. I told him we could hang out sometime....I tried to come up with anything to help him out..buy clothes, anything, yet feeling like I could do nothing. He's a Christian, but doesn't know how to reconcile that with his lifestyle...I can barely even offer the hope of Jesus.
And it hit me after talking to me...what makes me any different? He was born to parents who abandoned him and has been in and out of foster/group care his whole life. I was born to loving, middle-class white parents and well taken care of. I did absolutely nothing to deserve the life I've been given. Granted, I have probably made some better choices based on my family and God-given wisdom and the Holy Spirit's help, so my life has turned out well. And perhaps this young man has made some poor choices to end up where he is. But still, I have done nothing to deserve what God has given me. Why is that?...Well, His Grace. For some reason, God chose to give me great parents, great family, a nice place to live, and wisdom to make good decisions. I have a home, more food than I need, a great job to go to every day, and plenty of opportunity to do new things, see new places, continue my education, etc. When I look into the eyes of these people, I think...that could be me. I could be in the same place in my life if God had chose to put me in a different situation. There is nothing that makes me more deserving, except that God has been so merciful to me and allowed me to know him. How humbling an experience! I still have so much more to learn about his grace, mercy and compassion...so much that it causes me to fall to my knees every day...but this was a step in that direction.
When you see with your own eyes what you have been saved from, how can you not turn, cry out, and worship your Savior? How can I not give my life back in gratitude, forget my problems, and give to others until I'm worn out? I pray that God will always be my greatest pleasure, and am learning that understanding his mercy in my life is part of that. When that can be grasped, what else would I want to do but please him?... Dear God, thank you for demonstrating just a taste of your grace and mercy!
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