Broken Hearted

Words Can't Explain

2011-09-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve always hated one thing about journalism and storytelling.

As a writer, you get to hear the full story of someone’s experience that you’re writing about. Then you have to condense it, choosing what’s “most important” and sharing a recap for your audience. The audience never knows the difference. The writer remembers the shared emotions, tears, laughs, and entirety of the story that makes the “most important” points so significant.

It’s something only you and your interviewee get to share, and cutting out any of their story feels so unfair. You know your audience will never fully understand...and that has always made me sad. Every single article I’ve written, it frustrates me beyond belief to keep cutting and shortening the story, wishing I could convey all that I’d heard.
That’s how I feel about Thursday nights…and all Broken Hearts experiences. Especially last night. There was so much that happened and many levels of significant that I can’t possibly share in a blog. Yet, as always, I will do my best to convey the “most important” moments and enjoy the rest for myself, with God.
This week was “White as Snow”, our monthly free laundry service. Last month was fairly slow and chill, so I wasn’t expecting to walk in this week about an hour after it had started to see the Laundromat filled with people.

By the time I got there, we were almost out of quarters. That has never happened. In fact, we always go home with extra. This time, two hours before it ended, we were frantically trying to round up the leftover quarters for laundry, even as more people were coming.

One guy, who I’ve met a few times but don’t know, stopped me to ask a question. He acknowledged we didn’t really know each other but he’d heard a lot about me from one of our other friends that I see and help out frequently. He was looking for a job and place to stay, and that conversation led to an opportunity to hang out for a bit and hear about his life. All I had to say was, “so, what’s your story?” and he spilled a whole lot.
Let me tell you, I am constantly encouraged and inspired by people I meet on the boulevard. They have been through things you wouldn’t wish on your enemy, and yet have so much strength and faith in God and are content in so many circumstances, it blows my mind.
I can go out upset about something happening in my life, and after one conversation, I’m just ready to praise God! Yet the beauty is that they need incredible encouragement and continual pointing back to God, so we get to serve one another. Like this guy, who was so happy to take a bible for free as we talked about the life that’s found in just reading and dwelling on the Word and in prayer.

As our bible study closed – and we hadn’t left the Laundromat to even tell people about bible study – we settled into our “seats” (on the wall and sidewalk) for The Refuge. There were probably about 17 of us to start, and the more kept coming…and coming. I counted 22 who actually came and stayed for all of almost all of the message!

As I watched, I nearly teared up (which is a lot of emotion for me). For months, we’d had just a handful of people at bible study, often ones we’d had to persuade slightly to come hang out. These recent weeks, people just flood in by their own accord and knowledge that we’re there. It blows my mind every time.
What really threw me this time, though, was that one guy who is strongly agnostic, who I’ve had religious debates with came. He generally says hi and rolls on, not wanting to be a part of what we’re doing. But he came in this time…and stayed. This is one of those times you can’t ever know the fully story. But the fact that this drug dealer and anti-Christ came and stayed completely baffled me. In fact, he hugged Antquan at the end and told him it was a great message. What?!

This particular week, Antquan decided to do something completely different. He spoke about living for Christ and not the world – in action, not just word - as he has been in recent weeks…but then invited people to come up, to receive prayer for breakthrough.

We’d been talking about seeing breakthrough in some pattern in our life. Several people had shared thoughts that I knew were just what others needed to hear… and about five people went up there for prayer. Then we all circled around and prayed together simultaneously and out loud for these people and each other.
All I know is, the Holy Spirit was moving in that moment. Nothing like that has ever happened. I looked up near the end and one guy I’d invited last minute was tearing up. Then, one of our long-term friends who we haven’t seen in weeks, prayed for us as a ministry. That rarely happens. And for me, in the midst of weeks of weakness, trial, feelings of inadequacy and worry about provision, his prayer was so ridiculously encouraging to me.
It showed me that God is moving. That God DOES want me here. That he’s going to provide. That we ARE making a difference for his Kingdom here. And I cried (which is not normal for me out there).

Afterward, I chatted with two men, one the guy I’d invited who had received prayer and been pretty emotional. He kept saying how inspired he was, how God had brought him here. His continued tears and stories showed that, while he is a Christian, he was struggling and was being encouraged to fight the good fight.

Another guy who had randomly showed up because his car had broken down talked with us, so passionate about Jesus. They were both SO excited about what we were doing. They were encouraging each other. We were praising Jesus together. I felt like I was at church, honestly.
Then I looked around at the other conversations, laughter, prayer, etc that were happening. I was so struck at this family that has formed. Something has changed. It’s hard to pinpoint it…but it feels as much like family and the messy body of Christ that my church does. Community is genuinely forming here.

The man whose car had broken down expressed that this “thing” is going to get bigger and really take off. The other man was excited to invite others to bring that about. Mine and others prayers from our team, prayer team lately, has been for that increase. For God to really multiply these efforts and expand our territory.
When he said that, my faith grew. When they talked SOO excitedly about this night and how grateful for it they were, my faith grew. I’ve never wanted to cry so much (for happy reasons( in one night at Broken Hearts.

Maybe it’s just me (hopefully not) but I felt a change Thursday night. We’re on the cusp of our 7^th Birthday Celebration Fundraiser, remembering all that God has done and looking to the future. At 7 years (kind of an important number, if you know your bible), and preparing to hire two of us next year for full-time ministry. It’s incredibly scary, but this night showed it’s all worth celebrating and anticipating.

I went into the night feeling inadequate… doubtful. I left the night seeing the Holy Spirit move on Santa Monica and Las Palmas, calling people back to him and to change. I left encouraged and assured that this IS worthwhile. That God IS moving. That pouring our life into this IS important. That lives are being changed, and that every minute of sewing in tears will be reaped in joy – and are already. PRAISE GOD!

(if you'd like to attend our fundraiser, please visit our Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=219878954727962

Or website: www.brokenheartsministry.org)

Big Homie and Tinkerbell

2011-09-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

For weeks and weeks, our Thursdays have had a bit of a different flow. Rather than get there at 11, pray and hit the streets, talking to anyone who happens to be standing outside of the donut shop or the surrounding intersection, we often get stuck at the laundromat, and people come to us instead until it's already time to start our Refuge service. That in itself is pretty amazing. Yet it lacks an element of what makes Broken Hearts what it is.

Last Thursday, most of our team couldn't make it to the street. Our "regulars" who usually join us from the beginning of the night weren't there, and we had one visitor with us. So the three of us walked around the area so Antquan could explain more about the ministry...and it began to feel much more like BH of the past.

We ended up circling around and landing just outside of the adult book store where a few people we know were gathered. After many "hellos" and brief catch up, we engaged in conversation with a guy we'd never met - wearing shades and showing off wheelchair tricks.We started talking about his knee injury and time in the military, and ending in a discussion about Islam and Christianity and who Jesus really is and what the Bible says about Him.

Enter pimped-out ghetto car, with blue and silver shiny rims, bling, and rap music bumping unnecessarily loud. He rolls into the parking lot like he owns the joint, and my judgmental thoughts commence. I know I'm not alone in this. How often do you see something like that and either physically or mentally roll your eyes and "oh geez..." in your thoughts.I feel no need to have to deal with that type of ego, and assume it's the type of person who wouldn't want to deal with people like us, either.

Big Homie (we'll call him...because that's what he is) had come to visit his friend in the wheelchair we were talking to (among other shady plans lined up for the evening) and quickly jumped into our conversation. As usual, my snap judgements begin to change. He's loud, but very friendly, and his big silver chain holding a cross quickly becomes the focus of conversation, as we'd just been discussing the others guy's necklace with the Arabic for Allah.

He acknowledges it, saying he needs all the blessings he can get because he lives a dirty life. He then says something about just wanting to know the truth. I tell him what he's wearing about his neck is the truth. A few minutes later he's over by me, getting into more serious conversation after talking about his passionate love for money and his dirty living. The conversations split again, Antquan and Eric talking to the first guy, while I continue this conversation which turns to eternity and the need for making specific choices here and now because it effects eternity (this is all based on some comments he'd made about choices only mattering here and now).

We eventually get ready to head down the street for our bible study, and invite everyone there. Big Homie promises to be there though he never attends church, only to inform me later that he normally runs from anything like that and stays away from church stuff, but that he'd learned not to turn down those invitations because something bad usually happens after if he doesn't. And a background in church later comes spilling out as he divulges his past to us...

But first, "as it happens", Antquan is talking about John 3:16-20:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed."

I sat through the whole thing with a smile trying to pull at the corners of my mouth, realizing it completely addressed what we had been talking about earlier. God laid a message on Antquan's heart that couldn't have been more perfect to conclude the conversation we'd started.

Now, I'd love to say that following the message, Big Homie felt the Holy Spirit and laid down his life for Christ. He did not. However, he spent the next 2 hours with us, sharing his heart, his past, and how he'd once given it all up to follow Jesus. Then a few bad events and choices, and he'd turned away to the life he's currently living. He chose to stay with us that night, however, knowing that it would keep him out of trouble. This man knows the Bible as well as any of us, and has spent his time in churches, in fellowship and living by the Word of God. He told me he knew God doesn't like lukewarm...yet rather than choose hot, he chose cold.

The conversation was fun, to be quite honest. You know those passages in scripture about lukewarmness and putting one hand to the plow while still looking back? It was like watching that in action. Something in him was calling him to step into the light, but that tangled chains of the dark life were causing him to look back and hold on for dear life.And he was basically admitting the same thing about himself, between stories of the past in church, being shot, shooting people, drug dealing, family to take care of.

At the end of the night, after Antquan giving him his card and me giving him church info, he grabbed my hand and looked me in th eye and said, "Promise me something. Pray for me every day for the next 30 days." I said I would, and asked him to pray for himself for the next 30 days, as he'd already told me he doesn't incorporate that into his routine and set of goals for success each day, and yet is upset when God doesn't ansewr his random prayers.

One of my favorite parts in the midst of this, is that I'm wearing a flickering tinkerbell necklace he'd given to me since I'd invited him to church, while he says at the end, "I don't know why, but I feel like you're going to be very special to me one day". Apparently a little girl had given it to him, saying it would keep him safe. Yes, Big Homie with the pimped out car carrying drugs and pulled over every other day by cops gave me a tinkerbell necklace and is thanking us. Only late at night, in Hollywood, with God's presence, hahaha....

Jesus Just Makes Sense.

2011-08-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

Jesus just makes sense.

I get that people have had some really jacked-up experiences with church and Christians. But the more stories I hear and situations I see, the more is just makes sense to surrender it all to Jesus. Life sucks without him. The answers we're all seeking are only found in Him. Why fight it? Wordly "freedom" is not freedom at all. It's an illusion of freedom that covers up the chains of sin that bind us.

This Thursday, one of our friends from the street brought out an older man who he's been hanging out with. Similar to an "escort" type of relationship, minus any physical stuff. Basically, the guy is so lonely, he pays people to hang out with him. Or at least pays for food, drugs, and whatever will keep them around. Such a sad conversation I had with him. Quickly admitting remission to the crack pipe after 2 years of sobriety, he also explained how lonely he is, how he's been through therapy, practices new age religions, and is in a dark place because of this addiction. How the crack addicts he's been hanging out with have stolen money and used him...

Yet, after a very brief argument about Jesus and the Bible, he got very upset and refused to talk about it. The tidbits of a Catholic-school upbringing and pentecostal grandmother and other tough points in life made it clear that he has some major issues and has probably been hurt by the church.

Despite his lack of attention to our bible study and interest in the transgender prostitutes down the street, at the end of the night, he thanked me for advice about someone and said he'd enjoyed himself. Now, we're a pretty cool bunch, I'm not gonna lie - but when one odd night with us seems to have the impact on someone like him that it does, it actually makes me sad. It wasn't like we were casting our demons or healing him or saw him give his life to God. It was a pretty normal evening. Just a teensy, tiny drop in the HUGE bucket that is life in Christ.

"Say no to drugs" is not a cute saying. It's for our own good. Just like God's laws. It's there to protect us. Ask any drug addict...it's not a pleasant place to be. It screws up lives. And it does a damn good job of numbing pain. But so does Jesus...and his body. That's why a simple night of listening to someone and giving them a hug has an impact. If only his anger wasn't in the way of all that is SO GOOD awaiting him in the Kingdom of God.

Two days later, a friend asked me to bring some food to their hotel room. A hotel known as being cheap (and equally NASTY), where many prostitutes and drug dealers stay. He wasn't there, but I dropped a bag of food off to a room where about 5 young men were sitting in the foul heat, prepping their wigs, smoking weed, sleeping, and, likely shocked to see a random white chick at their door with a bag of food.

It reminded me of those scenes in movies about crime, drugs, or sex trafficking where a bunch of skanky dudes are sitting around sniffing crack, with half-naked ladies walking around, smoke in the dark air and watchful of cops or anything that could get them in trouble. Granted, it wasn't that extreme, but that vibe oozed out of the barely-cracked door after I knocked on it.

Then I saw a guy I know from the street, and he came outside to say hi. We ended up talking in the parking lot for about an hour...about how he's tired of this life, how he wants a woman, wants to go to church, yet all of the reasons to keep living the dope-dealing life. We talked about the reason for forgiveness and how it's good for you, not just to pardon someone else. How he has so much more to give and do than deal drugs and rarely see his child. There's a part of him that knows he needs Jesus, but no part that's ready to surrender it all and really change.

The same thoughts ran through my mind, however. Jesus is not a hindrance to this life you're not even enjoying living. He sets you free and makes it all better! He hears your prayers when you're in relationship with him...not just when you're praying to get out of jail. Follow him because it makes things better! Not because I'm a religious fanatic who thinks you need to convert!

I probably shouldn't have been at that motel alone. I knew several people there, but it's the kind of joint where you would imagine someone getting shot. Which also makes it really fun to be the girl who SOO does not belong there, hanging out with the type of guy I would normally steer WAY clear of. And because I know God's with me, and when I thought I was just dropping off a bag of food, ended up in a long conversation with someone about the need for a healthy life and Jesus.

Don't shy away from telling people about Jesus. They need it. We all need Him. In the midst of some really depressing situations, I can still walk away knowing God is more powerful and reminded to keep spreading the Truth, because it will set people free from the chains of loneliness, addiction, and a life of hotel-room hoping between blow jobs and chemical highs. It's all a cover for the voids we all need filled.

I'll just end this with a clip of some spoken word I watched recently that preaches this beautifully:

Community Building

2011-07-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to decide exactly what to write about this past Thursday with Broken Hearts.

It was so good, and there's so much to choose from in regard to what to say to convey it all. In short, it demonstrated growth and the achieving of goals for this community.

We had our White as Snow laundry service for the month, which has been happening for less than 1 year, so we're still getting the word out and learning. But this week there wasn't an empty washing machine or dryer, and I don't think I even got to say hi to everyone there, it was so busy. Loads of loads of free laundry was being done and people from across the spectrum were connecting with each other.

Not only that, but I think the activity around the laundromat which is normally closed at that hour of the night brings many of the people we see on the street to congregate and hang out. Another 5-10 people were hanging all night outside, not even there to do laundry.

For me this meant connecting with people from other churches, my church, continuing conversations with friends from the street I'd been interacting with throughout the week, and a few conversations about permanent housing.

But even better to me was the fact that about 25 people stayed for our bible study, including 3 little kids who'd come with their aunt to do laundry (that was a first!) We had to explain to two different set of cops over the night why we were there and that we weren't loitering or doing anything wrong. I sat on that sidewalk, observing the group, and realizing how cool it is that this community continues to form and grow. People actually take time out of their nights to come listen to the word of God, eat, and pray with us. They're interacting around a different context from just drug deals or hanging out on the street corner. It's legitimately a church on the street, drawing in all kinds of people out of curiosity.

As usual, Antquan gave an amazing sermon regarding not looking back once your "hand is to the plow" (from Luke) and going against the desire to keep one foot in the world when you choose Christ. After breaking up into groups, people conversed about the sermon - and life - for about another 2 hours.

We desire to meet the physical and spiritual needs of people on the street. Our free laundry is growing to the point that we start earlier and may have to start coming with many more quarters...we're working with people to find permanent housing, giving away clothing and blankets, and feeding them every Thursday. We're challenging them spiritually through the Word of God, exhorting through prayer, and asking serious questions about life and how it should be lived. Transformation is being seen as individuals are discipled and more volunteers want to join whatever this crazy thing is that's happening every week.

It sure isn't easy...but I can't think of anything much more exciting.

The Most Terrible Poverty

2011-05-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

In the last year that I’ve lived in Hollywood, I’ve been struck like never before with the issue of relational brokenness. Does the city draw more broken people, or are those here just more willing to share their pain? I’m not sure, but never before have I heard story after story of jacked up relationships.

Whether hanging out with people at church, or on the street in the middle of the night – everyone has messed up relationships with parents, friends, and especially with those of the opposite sex. The only difference is that, with those in the Church, we have the love and hope of God, and support of community.

The issue rose to the surface more poignantly this week…

My friend “Alan” was moving out of rehab into temporary housing, so as I was giving him a ride, was catching up on his life as we hadn’t talked much recently. When asking who he hangs out with, I basically asked if he has any friends that he regularly spends time with. In short, his answer was ‘no’.

He doesn’t have good family relationships, has past trauma, been technically homeless most of the time I’ve known him, and addicted to meth most of that time as well. And he doesn’t know Jesus.

I thought back to similar conversations I’d had with others. It struck me at that moment – no friends to count on or share your life with and no God to put your hope in – it’s utter darkness. Of course people turn to drugs and alcohol and a life on the street. I probably would, too, with the combination of all of those factors. As Psalm 31 says, “Give strong drink to him who is perishing, and wine to him whose life is bitter. Let him drink and forget his poverty and remember his trouble no more.”

As we talked about forgiveness at our Refuge service last night, another friend shared that he has only about 4 people he trusts and considers friends (1 being his dad, 2 being Broken Hearts members, and only 1 friend he’s found elsewhere).

After the bible study, I sat on the street, talking to a guy who hangs out with us from time to time but doesn’t talk much. It took a bit of prying, but after a few awkward questions and lack of response, he began to open up. For the next 30 minutes or so, he shared about his terrible relationship with his mother, and her repetitive choosing of criminally-inclined men over him. His dad’s never been in the picture, and he said that his anger is so intense that he knows it’s going to come out in a really bad way eventually (and yes, he did include the word ‘murder’ in that discussion).

He, too, has no friends because he doesn’t trust a single person in the world. He trusts God…but I’m not sure what that means, because he said he’s never read the bible. And how can he truly know who he is in Christ and the love of a Father? How can he forgive without that knowledge?

David, at Basileia, often says, “It’s all about relationship”…which has potential to sound foofy and emergent, like God’s not enough. That’s not it at all. It IS all about relationship – starting with relationship with God.
As I dropped off “Alan” for housing, I knew he wouldn’t find real love and support there. It’s just a program to help him to the next stage where he’ll be on his own again. The meeting of physical needs alone doesn’t fix brokenness. Relationship doesn’t provide for every physical need. But the two in conjunction is a powerful thing.

Meeting physical and spiritual needs through relationship can bring healing and trust that have never existed - and demonstrate God. Relationship with God changes everything and makes all of the relational healing and physical needs possible.

When it really comes down to it, people just need Jesus.

Love the Lord with all your HEART, SOUL, MIND and STRENGTH. Love your NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. It’s really that “simple”. Nothing else will create lasting change.

Remember the Poor & Broken

2011-04-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

Thursday to Thursday, no night at Broken Hearts is ever quite the same. While some nights still feel dull and useless, experience continues to teach me to come expecting God to use us - even if just for one person.

Last night was no different. As usual I arrived to the normal BH crew and our friends who come every week - nothing out of the ordinary. A man named "Tex" who we'd met several weeks ago - full of life and in a generally sound state of mind - was, for the second week in a row, nearly passed out on the sidewalk waiting for us. Recently he has been incoherently drunk and depressed. He told us he'd just been in the hospital, his benefits had been taken away, he had no place to go or food, his body was full of pain, and wanted to end his life.

As in most situations here, the only good option was prayer. So while part of the team broke off to invite people to bible study and find out about some skirmish going on down the street involving fighting and police, two of us stayed to pray. As I so enjoy about prayer is that, the more we prayed, the more seemed to be revealed and in need of prayer. Evil spirits, physical pain, emotional pain...he cried out to God even as we did, touching his limp body lying on the dirty cement where tears proceeded to pool. He exposed the pain, the fear keeping him from getting help, complete lack of identity, and confessed lies, bringing much to light.

After we'd stopped and began to transition to bible study (about 30 minutes late from the long prayer) came the harsh contrast of how the homeless and tragically-broken are treated. Two security guards came by to tell him to get off the sidewalk or at least sit up against the wall, putting on rubber gloves and preparing to remove any alcohol bottles that he might have on him and possibly move him.They finally left him alone when we said he was with us and that we'd watch out for him. But that would not have been the case had we not been there...

(Again, to contrast, he'd recently been to church after I'd invited him, where within a few minutes he thanked me profusely and said he'd found a home and that people were so kind and welcoming. What a difference between the world and the Holy Spirit!....)

Around that time, a security guard from the club down the street came by to chat for a bit on his break, and told us how a few weeks ago he'd been stabbed seven times after leaving work one night. He said that experience had completely changed him and now he is a believer and sharing his story with co-workers who are shocked that he's alive. Stabbed seven times, and full of joy and laughter.

Reflecting on the night, I thought about how I'd been having a "down" day and not ready to pour out for anybody else. Yet through intense prayer, then hearing this other man's story, and seeing a bible study form from what once again looked like an empty night on the street...I found restoration. The passion found in serving and remembering the poor and taking the gospel to the broken-hearted gave me life and joy at the same time.

A few weekend ago at church, we were talking about remembering the poor. A woman who works to fight human trafficking and I talked about it later, and how she almost wanted to stand up in church and ask people if they have any idea what they're missing out on by not serving the poor. How we're missing a part of the heart of God and knowing him deeper by forgetting those who might be a bit harder to love or take more sacrifice to serve. Our pastor talked about this, too...how we're missing something in the gospel and in our relationship with God if we don't remember the poor.

No, it does not make sense that pouring out should fill us up. But it does. Let Him use you, wherever you are. Jesus promises us, it is in LOSING your life that you will FIND it...as He also gives it to others through you. Don't miss out....

"Retiring" from the street life

2011-04-05T21:12:00.000-07:00

One of the most important - and least-known - ways that Broken Hearts meets the physical needs of those we meet on Thursday and Friday nights, is through what we call the Street Retirement Fund. This past year, it was given to two individuals - one male, one female - to help them get off the street.

The fund is set up as a scholarship of sorts, provided to people we've been in relationship, that we trust, and who are actively working towards getting off the street and becoming productive, emotionally, and spiritually- whole members of society. Essentially, they are required to fill out a proposal with a brief explanation of who why they need the money for housing, and what their goals are as they get off the street. We will pay up to 3 months of their housing while they work on getting clean, and/or getting a job, finding stable living, completing a program, etc.

Recently a friend of ours (we'll call him 'J') has been working on getting himself into permanent housing and finding a job. He is transitioning from a recovery program to SRO housing, staying in a shelter on Skid Row in the meantime. He had to have a deposit to get into the new place, but has no money.

I talked to our board this weekend, and we decided if he filled out the Street Retirement proposal, we'd pay for his first 3 months of his living expenses. He would have been able to pay it on his own, except that his General Relief money has to get transferred from his old program back to him, and it would take longer than the time frame he needed to get into new housing.

This morning he called me bright and early. "Are you up?" he said when I answered. "Uh...not really," I responded, incredibly groggy. I'd answered the random phone number, only because I knew it was probably him expecting money and help getting checked in. I hadn't gotten enough sleep all weekend and didn't expect such an early phone call. But he needed me down there, so I reconfigured my plans for the day and downed as much coffee as I could on my way to Skid Row. The whole process (not being able to check in as early as expected, picking up his stuff being stored in my Basileia office, getting a money order, eating breakfast at some sketchy joint on 7th street) all took WAY longer than expected.

But as we talked about the Street Retirement Fund during errands, he told me that his General Relief only pays for about 9 months, and then they cut him off for 3 months before it kicks in again. His was about to get cut off and wouldn't have a source of income for the next 3 months. By us offering to pay for exactly 3 months (unexpectedly, because he thought I was going to lend him money for 1 month), it would cover his lapse in government assistance while he got settled and looked for a job!

When I'd thought to have BH help him, I had no idea about that. In fact, in order to stay in his housing he needed to have proof of income. By promising 3 months of provision for him, he could let them know he is covered until GR kicks in again. So cool to see God's hand in this whole process! Especially after Thursday night, when he'd been telling us that his faith had been lacking because he didn't really see God's power or provision much in his life.

What is also encouraging to me is that the Street Retirement Fund doesn't just give money, but helps set goals and check in regularly with our "clients" to make sure they're moving towards their goals and providing for themselves. So as we help 'J' out, he'll also be held accountable for looking for a job, applying for school, and paying for his own rent. Meaning with some assistance, he should be self-sufficient in a few months...and hopefully with much greater faith in God. Ideally, that would be followed by him being out on the streets with us encouraging others with his story like our other STF recipients have been doing.

Little sleep and a morning on skid row = totally worth it.

If you'd like to help support more men and women in getting off of the streets, you can donate here: http://prayer.brokenheartsministry.org/donate/

What's a Little Rain?

2011-03-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

11pm: Tongayi and I arrive in the 7-11 parking lot in persistent rain and stay in the car since no one else is there yet. I think out loud that it's going to be a slow night. No one's around, and who comes out in the rain anyway? But we always go, because it seems that when it's raining, God always brings at least one important person and conversation our way. It's always worth braving the cold and rain, even when logic says we shouldn't bother.

11:05: Our long-term friend 'Ravi' arrives with umbrella overhead, so we pull ourselves out of the warm car and join him on the sidewalk. Rambunctious, joking conversation commences for about another 10 minutes until Charlie arrives with Big Mama (who insists on being there even though she has tonsillitis).

11:15: a few guys leaving the club are hanging out in the parking lot area, cold and asking us for money for hot chocolate. Charlie and I walk to Magee's, buy 3 hot chocolates for them, say hi to Jack, and invite them to bible study.

11:20: We circle up for prayer - for each other and the night ahead. I ask God to use us, kind of throwing in the disclaimer that it might just be the 5 of us tonight, but asking him to work mightily whoever is there. I'd spent much of the night prior going out asking God to bring us people...but as I often do, I'm almost preparing for the disappointment of no one being there because of the weather. (I should really know better by now...)

11:30: we start walking around to invite people to bible study, despite the fact that no one is actually out on the streets. When we get to the donut shop, our good friend Jay is inside with one of his friends, so we step inside to say hi. A few minutes into conversation and catching up, "Devon" who often hangs out with us, comes inside the donut shop, ranting and raving about some girl he's pissed at. Trying to make conversation with Jay, Devon keeps interrupting about how he's not scared of anyone and what he'll do. He shows us a picture on his phone of him with his gun - pointed at his own head - all to say he's not messing around when he's angry with someone. Lovely.

11:45: two well-dressed, white women walk into the donut shop (huh?) and smile politely, way out of place. Devon says hi, and when they leave, he tells them to have a good night. They don't say anything else as they walk out, and his response is another mumbled rant, starting with, "Stuck up b**ches...." I've heard this kind of thing many times. The "scary", "thugs" and "trouble-makers" actually get really upset when people seem afraid of them or unfriendly. There's a misconception that they're all dangerous or don't want people on their turf or aren't friendly. They just want people to be friendly with them.

12:00am: we head down the street to buy pizza and commence bible study. This whole time, our friend "Rich" has been texting me, saying he's drenched and freezing and wants to be picked up. When we get down the street, several people are already there (where did they all come from?) Two girls join us, one crying, I think because she's so cold. Then Big Mama's husband calls and wants to talk, recently out of the hospital from a blood-clot in his brain. Thus begins the scrapping of all plans...

I'm on the phone, being asked about pizza, asked to pick someone up whose phone is dying, and to find clothing and blankets for these girls. My back seat is full of the only belongings of another friend who I helped move out of his program earlier today so there's no room for carting stuff around. Our normal stash of clothes and blankets are not with me, we don't have a table to set up for pizza,and if one more person asks me something I just might get crazy...

12:03am: I give the card to Tongayi, who handles the pizza buying and food set up, and I leave to go home to find warm clothing for these girls and Rich, who's drenched from sleeping in a park in the rain. The box of clothes at home only has about 4 t-shirts in it, and I have no blankets. Crap.

I head to my closet. I'm actually terrible about giving stuff away...especially when I know most of the stuff we give to people we meet on the street gets lost or stolen within a few days. Luckily, God often does a great job of overcoming me and my selfishness, and basically reminds me to get over it. I grab a few sweatshirts and a coat I have, and throw them in with the other shirts, then drive to find our friend at the park...unsuccessfully, because his phone is dead...while getting multiple calls from the team with questions.

12:20pm: I arrive back, where more people have gathered, pizza in every hand, and cups full of coffee and hot chocolate strewn everywhere. The one girl has stopped crying and is huddled up next to the wall on the sidewalk wearing Charlie and Ravi's sweatshirts. The team has decided that, rather than do a formal service tonight, we're just going to talk, listen, and pray for people.

The scene is a bit crazy: 2 guys - Crimes and Skits - are on one side, a random pair that Tongayi met, now engulfed in conversation with him; Big Mama and Ravi are watching out for everyone as usual, while Charlie is doing me favors, as usual. :/ Two girls can't decide what they're going to do tonight, not really talking to anyone, but happily receiving any help we can give them. Jay and his friend Cookie hang out, seemingly unaware of the cold and enjoying various conversations. JD, an older homeless guy talks my ear off and promises to write me a song, while Devon continues breaking into conversations here and there, and others continue to come and go.

1:15am: Charlie and Ravi offer to go look for Rich out in the rain, so they head off while I grab clothes for the girls. They return with our friend, who stays in the warm car. All of the pizza is gone and the girls ask for more hot chocolate, so I head to buy more food or Rich and hot drinks for the girls.

1:45am: we look at the clock and realize how late it is. I assumed I'd be home in bed by now, based on the weather. But alas, no one has left. Yet the team is needing to get going. A few of us hang out a bit longer, but start to clean up and indicate that several people need to go. Charlie packs up his car with half of the crew to drive them all home (God BLESS him!!)

2am: Tongayi and I finally say good-bye to everyone. Luckily, most of these people have places to stay tonight...if they're willing to brave the rain to get to those places. But leaving like that is hard. Only so much you can do...but it seems most of these people would've stayed all night and chatted and tried to keep warm and find refuge at The Refuge....

We talk with excitement about meeting physical needs. And look forward to next Thursday when we can dive back into the Word and meeting spiritual needs. More importantly, we anticipate the longer-term opportunities, knowing that we are not to grow weary of doing good, and in the proper time we will reap a harvest. Amen.

Give everyone a chance

2011-02-27T22:49:00.000-08:00

The last Thursday of the month: White as Snow. the Laundromat owners open up shop to let us do laundry for free until midnight. A great an opportunity for showing love, drawing volunteers and increasing church unity across Hollywood, and drawing in people from the street.

This time, however, the most impactful moments to me were on the sidewalk in front of the laundromat, and total chance encounters. I saw three girls sitting in front of the laundromat and invited them in, in case they wanted a warm place to sit. They looked like they'd been at the club, and, as often happens, probably didn't get in or got kicked out and had to leave earlier than expected...left stranded until their ride arrived.

Talking to them, that was basically true. They'd already talked to someone helping with White as Snow and their interest was piqued. One asked me about church, and I explained to her Broken Hearts, but also told her about my church, Basileia. She asked, "can anyone come?" First of all, I hate that anyone need ask that question - shouldn't the church be known as a place that anyone can come? Second, I had actually remembered to bring out info cards this time, so I had a few in my car to hand to her and her friends so they could come to church or call me if needed....

Right before bible study, as I was leaving 7-11 with the pizza for bible study, I passed a couple of guys standing outside. Sometimes in my own insecurity, I don't invite everyone I see. This time I did. I casually threw out the "bible study" part along with "free pizza"...and kept walking, assuming they wouldn't be too interested. But I think the bible study part actually interested them more than anything. They were excited when I mentioned that and promptly followed me down the sidewalk.

Talking to them, I quickly heard "Man, God's been showing up everywhere". They basically went on to say that God keeps popping up in their lives. One has a girlfriend who wasn't a Christian when they started dating, and now she is and he's been going to church with her. And in many other ways, God keeps showing up. They both knew that God was pursuing them, and both - in some way- wanted Him. The other said he knew he was making the wrong choices and wasting his time, but that it was a struggle to give that up - but he wanted to.

I was shocked by how excited they were to be at our bible study. They'd come up to go clubbing, but one of them was waiting for his direct deposit to hit at midnight. It hadn't gone through, which is why they'd been waiting at 7-11...and met us. He said he was so glad they'd found us and instead of wasting money on a night at a club, that they were at bible study. Even came to find out that one of them has been going with his girlfriend to the same church as Charlie, one of our team members and live in the same area as them. I don't think I've ever met anyone who was so excited to meet us and already so far along on the journey of finding God.

It's amazing what God can do - and is doing all the time - if we just give him our time, and our attention to others. I nearly passed by these sets of people...and yet stepping out for one second allowed us to enter into very real conversations where people once again felt God pursuing them. It was not a mistake that we met them there that night when they couldn't get into the club.

Sometimes you will pass people who yell or cuss at you and want nothing to do with God. Other times people are hungry and searching and need you to show them God. Give everyone a chance. Let God use you.

Creating Change

2011-01-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

Thursday night, we held our month Laundry Love-type event, "White as Snow". While these nights are always full of extra energy, people, quality conversation and fun, I think what stood out to me most this week was a less-than-5-minute conversation.

One of our more outspoken friends was ranting about a "boy in a wig" who'd made him mad...and then proceeded to rant about all "boys in wigs" and his negative feelings towards them. This particular guy hangs out in this area a lot, is sporadically homeless, and knows most of the people here. But he is straight and considers himself a Christian, making him a bit of a rarity.

He and the guy who were conversing and laughing about the topic are two that I'm comfortable enough with to be pretty blunt. So I confronted the topic of their conversation and the harsh way in which they were talking about people. How their sin of dissing people unlike them was no better than the sin of those they were negating. That joking about how they were probably molested as kids wasn't funny, and that the fact that their lives were in some ways ruined by some jerk was reason to give them MORE compassion and understanding, not judge and hate. How LOVE is what will help bring change to people, not hating and making them feel worse about something that was done to them.

The topic just kinda dropped as he apathetically wandered outside, and I went on with responsibilities of helping people out inside the laundromat.

A few minutes later, as I chatted with some volunteers, he came back inside and said, "you were right."

"Huh?" I asked.

"You were right, about the boys in wigs. I had to think about it for a few minutes, but I decided you're right." And he kept on walking right past me to talk to someone else.

I laughed at the randomness, then inwardly triumphed a bit in my "win" for a second. But the more I thought about it the following day, the importance of that moment struck me. Through a brief, honest encounter with someone, his mindset towards others had changed a bit. God had directed him closer towards biblical thinking and away from cultural attitudes.

God doesn't only have us on Santa Monica boulevard to tell people about Jesus. Most people already claim to know Jesus and believe the Bible. But evangelism is about more than telling people who Jesus is and stopping there. It's about discipleship, correcting faulty assumptions about God, and about showing people who they are in Christ, how to model Jesus, and how to spread the gospel on their own.

God can use us to change the perspective of someone so that it more accurately reflects Christ and His values and His love. And slowly, if perspectives and wisdom are passed on, culture can change. If one person starts treating the outcasts on their own turf with more love, understanding and respect, that seed can spread and grow to others.

It's a known fact on the street that no one really trusts another. They just co-exist because they're all hanging hussling in the same place. But what if just a few more actually modeled Christ and loved another?

Share what you have, with whoever you can, wherever you are....and let the Kingdom come.

She Gave Her Life to Jesus

2011-01-15T09:44:00.000-08:00

"Keisha" has always been one of those people that I'd see on the street on a regular basis, but never talked conversed with. There are just some people that - as much as you try to be friendly and talk - just don't care to pay any attention to you (unless you're one of those gifted people who can get anyone to talk to you).

She seemed nice enough, but always in the midst of people, obviously a pretty well-known girl on the street who always has her "crew" around. She's friend with many of our friends we've made on the street, but I'd never really been able to talk to her.

Then a few weekends ago, she came to bible study when just a few of us were out on the street. She'd never spent much time at bible study before, unless to come by for some pizza or say hi to someone. But for some reason (probably because Krista was back on vacation and worked her magic to drag everyone on the street over to the Refuge), she came and stayed this time. After handing out some leftover Christmas presents, and letting her pick a scarf she liked, she and I finally connected, and a few of us talked for most of the night.

She talked about the respect that she has for us, and how she has our back and appreciates everything we do. That if anyone messes with us, they'll have to mess with her. And how they appreciate what we do, too, they just don't always know how to show it because they're not used to people caring about them or giving them anything. ""Sorry, I'll talk y'alls ears off," she said. "But it's good to get stuff out, it's better than keepin everything inside. Maybe if more of these kids had someone to talk to, they wouldn't be so angry."

The following weekend, Keisha came to bible study again, and told us that she'd gone to church that weekend and the Spirit was moving and when the pastor asked if anyone wanted to give their life to Jesus, she just felt like she needed to. So she did.

The rest of that conversation that night surrounded her desire to understand more, to "be holy", to figure out how to overcome her anger. Tears came on a few occasions, and it was clear that the Holy Spirit was in her. She was feeling guilt over things she'd never felt guilt about before. She was trying to figure out how to be more like Jesus. I gave her a new bible and exchanged phone numbers so we could talk more about any issues that might arise.

Last night, she was calling me while we were still on our way to Santa Monica blvd, wondering what time we'd be there. Once again, she was there before us with bible in hand, ready to learn. She'd brought a friend, and just a few minutes into the night several others had joined us. In fact, we never even left the laundromat parking lot, as we usually do to meet people along the street and invite them to The Refuge.

During our study, she was full of questions about life, about dealing with anger, avoiding sin, leaving behind friends who she loves but are bad for her, baptism, etc. Her profound thoughts and insights impacted all of those at bible study who have known her a completely different way. As security rolled in and out, asking if we were okay, she told us they were only coming because she was there and they were probably expecting her to start something. People are afraid of her, know her as a trouble-maker and fighter. But she just wants to be different and for people to understand this new side of her.

Tongayi wasn't the only one preaching the message about the prodigal son - her thoughts spoke volumes to those around her and influenced the entire conversation.

This type of conversion on the street is rare. But it's impact, I believe, is far beyond what we can imagine. "Keisha" is a major influence on the streets and to those who work and live on it in the wee hours of the night. She has a level of respect and leadership that many don't. What God could do with her passion and gifting makes me so excited! This is what it's all about.

Cultivating and Commissioning Disciples

2010-12-27T10:05:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, our friend "Big Mama" hit rock bottom and finally agreed to go to a transitional living program to get back on her feet and off of drugs and alcohol. Since then, she moved to a new program, graduated, and now lives with a couple who also went through the program and help to raise her two children.

I visit her and her kids almost every Wednesday to hang out and fit in a bible study when there's time. Every Thursday she comes out with us to the boulevard to spend time with us, attend The Refuge service, and see old friends. She worked security on the boulevard for years, so she knows everyone.

Last Thursday, we saw a friend "Jerry" who had recently lost his apartment and was back out on the street and struggling to keep his job. He'd been looking pretty down for several weeks and said he was ready to get into a program. We told him about the same program that Big Mama had gone to and he was very interested - even knowing there are many restrictions, that it's a Christian program, etc.

I brought him over to Big Mama so she could fill him in on even more details than I could. At a point I was able to step away as I had to attend to the laundry ministry ("White as Snow") that we do each month. When I came back, they'd arranged a ride for him from a friend of hers who could take him into the program.

When we all left that night, I was hopeful, but skeptical at the same time. People often say they want to go into a program to get off the streets, but then change their mind, get scared or just flake out. This last week when I talked to Big Mama again, she affirmed that Jerry had gone to the program and that she'd seen him at church that week!

Later that night, Krista (back from Hong Kong for a few weeks) came out and talked all night to a guy I'd never seen before, who we'll call "Chuck". He told her how he was lost, depressed, hopeless, had nothing to live for and sells and uses crack every day. He wasn't quite ready to give his life to Christ, or to get into a program, but Krista made sure to give him a few of the leader's contact info so he can get help when he's ready. As usual, Big Mama already knew him, and also made sure she had his info and was ready to help him get into the same program as soon as he was ready.

This is one of our big goals with Broken Hearts - to cultivate relationships and commission disciples to disciple others. I wish I had the time and ability to help everyone, but I don't. That's why we're called the body of Christ - we all have our part to play. Big Mama is still learning and growing in her faith and being discipled. But as she goes through experiences, she's able to help others. She did far more for Jerry than I could at that moment, and may again for Chuck.

It's a slow process, but these moments remind us that God IS working, changing lives, and expanding his Kingdom in the broken city of Hollywood.

Broken Hearts Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T23:47:00.000-08:00

Broken Hearts Thanksgiving @ Hope Again!

Hip Hop, Teens, and Changed Lives

2010-08-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

I could only assume that last night was going to be a good one. Why? Only a few hours earlier I had been informed that a group of kids on a missions trip would be coming out with us...and I was tired, unmotivated, and lacking energy to "host". That typically means that God's going to do something great to display his glory in my weakness.

Arriving at the 7-11 parking lot (our new meeting spot because Del Taco has shut down), I saw a massive group standing around Antquan. "Oh my gosh...are you kidding me?" is what I believe I muttered under my breath. Having groups come out with us can actually be very refreshing and bring new energy to what we do...but over 30 teens and a few adults looking very out of place made me very uneasy. Relationships and trust take a long time to build on the street, and naiive one-time visitors can affect our witness and trust with one wrong word or evangelistic approach. And of course we never want to make people feel like they're being put on display to be rescued by the privileged white kids.

However, that naiivete can also be of great benefit...they will approach people in bold new ways, without prejudice or expectation and often form great bonds. This group had been trained earlier in the week, and practicing sharing their faith in two different contexts each day. They were excited and expecting God to do big things.

When our Refuge service started, about 10 people had come to join us. The group was also helping to run the service this night...with music, a short drama and hip hop dancing. Again, I was apprehensive about the small amp set up for music, and the very large circle taking over the parking lot. So were the security guards who rolled up often, looking suspicious but not saying anything.

But as usual, my concerns were no match for God's plans, and the hip hop circle went over well and drew in a few more people...causing me to think about a similar idea we'd had a while back and never put into action. Seeing it happen helped me see it might be time to start thinking about implementing that. An interpretive drama followed - a well-portrayed demonstration of Jesus taking our "chains" and setting us free. After some music and a bit more hanging out and pizza-eating, we all sat down on the curb while Antquan shared a short message, expanding on the drama.

Though he didn't specifically determine groups and ask people to split into them, the teenagers were on it. They formed their own groups quickly and began discussions about all that had just been seen and experienced.

I'm not sure of what took place in each conversation, but I did see many long conversations, prayers, and excitement at the conclusion. As we find out these stories, we can continue on with these planted seeds and relationships even though the teens will be headed back to Dallas soon.

Please also pray for the Broken Hearts teams, as we are few in number right now and need more volunteers and leaders to carry on these relationships and bring our own new excitement to the mission.

the Process of Relationship

2010-08-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

Relationship is a process.

Trusting Christ and coming into relationship with him takes time. Friendship and trust between individuals is equally as challenging and requires just as much patience. So hard to remember, though! When it comes to ministry, most of us want the quick fix. An immediate response to an altar call. A change of heart when someone hears about Jesus' love for the first time. Seeing someone so lost turn from their old ways and change. And not that the Holy Spirit can't create immediate change or display a miracle in an instance - he can and does. But more often than not, it seems that God takes his time with us, and wants us to do the same with others.

When people come check out Broken Hearts, it seems that if nothing major happens, it's a bit of a disappointment. Like one night of coming to talk about Jesus to people hanging out on the street should result in an immediate conversion. And based on the number of people that come in and out of Broken Hearts, I'd say the process of relationship and lasting change is wearying. I know it is for me.

But I know I'm stubborn and hard-hearted and change in my own life takes a great amount of learning and time. So should it be any different for anyone else?

This Thursday, however, was a great reminder to me of how far many of our relationships have come. When I arrived, "Ravi" and Big Mama, two of our oldest friends were already there with the rest of the crew...

The first time I met Ravi, he barely spoke to me. He looked completely disinterested and hesitant, but I kept plowing through conversation as if I didn't notice. A year and a half or so later, he and I talk every week and hang out on a regular basis. He consults with me for questions, as well as about concerns for people on the street. He is a big part of the men's bible study and of Broken Hearts each week. He prayed for Big Mama this week and it was so evident to me how much God has matured and changed him. He has been in close relationship with Antquan since we met him, and it is evident that God is using Antquan to disciple Ravi as he becomes more and more like Christ. Lasting change through relationship demonstrated.

The more I spend time with Big Mama recently, I see greater maturity in her as well. She trusts God more, prays more, loves more, refrains from bad habits, and speaks truth to the many people she knows from her time around Santa Monica Boulevard. Watching her react differently, act more calmly and think more clearly is evidence of the Holy Spirit at work in her life. Again, relationship with her husband, her church, and those in Broken Hearts have been used to influence her greatly.

When we split up in groups, one of the first people I saw was Jonas, who immediately got on my case about not calling him that week. We'd talked for a long time about hanging out, but he had just gotten a phone and I could finally reach him. But the hectic week prevented me from calling. And he noticed - he wanted to hang out. Our first meeting a few years ago was brief when I started ministry. About a year later I saw him again, recognized him and remembered his name. The look on his face was confusion and almost fear, wondering how this random girl on the street knew who he was. Again, conversation was a bit like pulling teeth. Now, any given week, when I hear someone yelling, "Holly!!" from across the street to get my attention, I know it's Jonas without even having to look. And on the most basic level, he has a place to live, attends church every weekend, and is one of the most active participants of our Refuge service each Thursday.

We saw another old friend this week who preaches about Jesus all the time...but also gets caught up in the street life. He asked about Krista, saying that she had such a big impact on him and would call him out on the sketchy activities he was engaging in and taught him so much about the Bible and God. He jumped in on our prayer time right away when he saw us, just as an old friend would.

Today my friend "Jake" prayed with me over the phone for a situation with a friend and his words showed it was clear that he's drawing nearer and nearer to Jesus and trusting in him more all the time.

These were just a few examples of the evening, but there are plenty more. I often get so used to what our relationships have become, that I forget where they started. When I do, and I think about how these people used to think, act and feel, I see God's hand powerfully at work in their lives.

But it's not easy...and some of this has taken place over 3 years. And I've grown in the process just as much as they have. I think about what my pastor told me about his friend who has lived and worked as a missionary in Hong Kong for over 20 years. She grumbled to him one day about "short-term missionaries": people who stay only about 10 years. It makes you laugh...but then it makes you think.

"Missions" or "ministry" is not short-term or one-time. It's an ongoing, every day, messy-part-of-your-life-process. But be patient. And look back to remember in order to continue ahead. God is always at work.

2010-07-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

My friend Jeremiah wrote the following as part of a blog about this past week in Hollywood and church....

...I absolutely marvel at what happens every Thursday night on Santa Monica Blvd in Hollywood! Every Thursday for the past five-plus years, a small team of young people (many of whom are white college students from affluent homes) have assembled on a street corner in the middle of the night, prayed publicly, and then went and mingled with the prostitutes, drug dealers, addicts, transgenders, and other outcasts of society.

I have witnessed countless illegal transactions and scantily clad boys. I have been spit on and cussed at. I have been solicited by dealers and prostitutes, and harassed by security guards and the police. But I have also seen lives changed. More than once, I have seen someone become pleasantly surprised when they learned that the enjoyable conversation they were having was not with a fellow street person but with a Christian who drove 40 miles (each way) in the middle of the night just to show them the love of Jesus. I have a handful of stories I can tell of real growth and restoration that has occurred in the lives of these people that society wrote off years ago.

Mind you that we encounter many people on the streets and it's not like they just decided one day to have a sex-change operation, start snorting cocaine, and begin selling their body to strangers on the boulevard. Every person has a unique, and always sad, story about how they came to be who and where they are. Most were abused or abandoned at a very early age. Many people we encounter are bitter and resentful. They gave up hope long ago and don't want any pity or help from us. They do their thing and we do our thing. It's a minority that accepts us and talks with us. It is this minority, and the prompting of the Holy Spirit, that has kept us coming back each week.

There were just two team members last night, me and Holly. After praying, we quickly went inside the donut shop and bought some drinks and began seeing some people that we did know. We talked to some people we hadn't seen in a while about recent family issues, recent deaths, stints in prison, and more. Holly and I made a point of inviting at least three people to our midnight church service - and loudly enough that everyone around got the invite as well. One guy heard one of my loud announcements, and drunkenly turned to me and asked "You guys gonna have pizza tonight? I haven't eaten in days."

No one wanted to follow us, so Holly and I walked down to where the church services are usually held, bought a dozen donuts, and proceeded to sit on a window sill and talk while we waited to see who would show up. After roughly ten minutes, a group of people rounded the corner and approached us. There were six people. We smiled and greeted them and asked if they came for the donuts. Four of them said, "We came for donuts and to hear the sermon." The other two said, "We came just for the sermon."

We all gathered in a circle, held hands, and prayed for the food. Then everyone sat and I gave a sermon. As I often do, I left the sermon open for discussion. So, in the middle of it, one guy asked who wrote the Bible and another guy mentioned that his favorite book of the Bible is Revelation. Two people in particular reminded me of elementary-age kids in a Sunday School class. They added their thoughts to the lesson and wanted to make sure they answered every question I asked. They were proud of their involvement, excited even.

The six people who came to the service last night left with an air of accomplishment, a bit of a glow even. They had learned something new and seen old things in a new way. A part of them had been cleansed a little such that they were refreshed. They said they'd be bringing more people back next week, because lots of people need "this".

Allow me to put all this into proper perspective; most people who linger in our area of Hollywood do so for one of the following reasons: to buy or sell drugs, to buy or sell sex. That means that it's highly likely that these people put off making financial transactions long enough to come and hear a message about God. When was the last time that you left your cubicle, your shopping cart, your check stand, your desk, or your place in line to attend an impromptu church service? If someone approached you next week at your place of work or while you were out shopping and invited you to a 15-minute Bible study in a parking lot, would you consider that an inconvenience or an opportunity that's worth putting everything else on hold for?

Only God knows what's going to happen to these six people and what exactly was going through their heads last night, but one thing is certain. They felt that the word of God was worth forgoing all else, at least for a moment, in spite of any temporary inconvenience...

Stop.

2010-06-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

I often pray: "God, give me opportunities to be your hands and feet today", and ask him to open up doors to share the truth and love of the gospel. Then I walk out the door and my mind is quickly consumed with thoughts of me - my plans, my problems, my agenda. I walk to the gym or run an errand to the store or go to meet up with a friend, and anyone who gets in my way or makes me slow down is suddenly a nuisance. And I wonder why I don't have more chances to tell people about Jesus.

Thursdays are a constant reminder to me that it's all about making ourselves available. If you really break it down, all that Broken Hearts really does on a Thursday or Friday night is carve out some space and time to make ourselves available to whatever God wants to do. No agenda (except for midnight bible study) or place to go. Just blocking out time to hang with people and intentionally starting up and building some relationships, sharing about Jesus at every opportunity.

It makes me realize that being "on mission" or sharing the gospel isn't really so hard...it's just that we don't make the time or opportunity for it. I find if I'm just hanging out somewhere or wandering the streets without any real destination, it's easy to enter into conversation with all types of people.

If someone asks me for money on the way to the gym, I might stop to talk if I'm having a good, seriously-filled-with-the Holy-Spirit kind of day, but most likely I'll politely let them know I don't have any money on me and continue on my mission to workout. Yet when that same scenario happens during Broken Hearts, it can turn into an entirely different matter.

As I approached Del Taco last night, I saw that I was the first one there. Before I'd stopped walking, a tall, could-be-a-bodyguard sized African American man standing in the parking lot hit me up for cash. I didn't have any, as all I'd brought with me was my keys and phone. Though he wanted a little money, after a few moments of talking, it seemed like the conversation may have been wanted even more, because he barely mentioned the money again. Instead told me all about his homelessness, playing the rap game, and ranting about trying to make it in the music business and the politics that go with it. He told me many stories about friends and family who will barely help him out as he's struggled with trying to pursue his dream, and how they all want something in return.

His vocal adherence to one or two points may have been due to the influence of alcohol making itself known from his breath as he stood very close to talk....but the issue seemed to be a legitimate hurt. "Terrell" paused briefly to meet Antquan and Katrina when they arrived, but otherwise just continued venting to me until Antquan finally called all of us together to pray. He repeated some of his sentiments to the group until Antquan politely interrupted to pray.

Before Antquan had even finished praying for Terrell, he interrupted to thank God and thank us for praying for him. He was so encouraged by the prayer and intercession on his behalf he just had to shout out a praise. He apologized for interrupting, but said it just meant to much to have someone pray and ask God to watch out for him. That it was more than any of his other friends had done or given to him.

He didn't stick around much longer because he had to catch a bus. But for just a few moments that night we'd been able to share some love, compassion and the peace of God with Terrell. Which is more than I can say for my other days most weeks. All just because we were standing outside of a Del Taco with no plans other than to love God and love people.

Harsh Realities

2010-05-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Oh, the crazy realities of Hollywood life.

When I got home yesterday around 2pm, I kept hearing helicopters and police sirens nearby, wondering where they were going and what was happening. I found out before hitting the streets last night that there was a shooting at an apartment complex just over on the next street. Driving to ministry, the street was still blocked off as a crime scene and news had hit the streets...

After splitting up into groups, Charlie and I went to talk to our good friend Jesse who works at the liquor store. He's been telling just a few people in our group about his past and some of the hard memories and issues he's been dealing with. He had brought a few picture albums for us to look at of his junior high and high school days, filled with photos of his gang life, his friends and their guns, their tags they'd left on walls around their East LA city. It was crazy for me, someone who knows very little about this lifestyle, to see the reality that many young guys live...

Arriving at bible study, our small group had somehow brought a crowd of at least 10 people, several whom I'd never met or had only talked to once before. Many left before we'd finished, as people often do, but many also hung around afterward to talk and pray. One asked about Michelle's cute pink bible, and she gave it to him to keep. He later told me about dealing with the loss of a family member and best friend and how hard that's been. In particular, I didn't have any incredibly deep conversations, but did have a chance to simply get to know a few of these guys and build rapport. The more I'm out there, the more I see the importance of this, even if the "spiritual" conversations don't take place for a few weeks. Because building that trust and friendship opens up the door to even more impactful converstions.

For instance, I've recently been spending more time with our friend Jake, who by this point of knowing him for close to a year, will specifically ask my opinion on various issues in his life, because he values my opinion and actually cares to hear what I have to say because he knows I care deeply about him. That's the place I would love to be with more people. Where they know they can trust me, and therefore actually want to hear my opinion about their choices, decisions or questions and allow me to speak truth into their lives.

In the middle of a conversation, Jake actually showed up on the street (where we never see him anymore because he's trying to stay sober and out of this lifestyle). He was in a panic about not being able to get into the place he was staying, having his cell phone stolen, and having no idea what to do. After letting him use my phone to call a short list of numbers he'd gotten from a friend, and driving him around to find someone to help him or let him stay there for the night, he was feeling hopeless and panicked and that he'd end up staying up all night, using, and not being able to get to his job interview the next morning.

His options had run out around 1:45 in the morning, so my roommate agreed to let him stay on our couch for the night so he could get some sleep and get his head together for the next day...

Violence, crime, loss, pain, anxiety, shame, homelessness, desperation...these are everyday realities of so many people living in LA and Hollywood. Sometimes it feels there's so much need and so little we can do. But we can always make Jesus known...taking hope and love to those crying out for it. We may not be able to save everyone's lives. But we can point them to the One who can.

Share Your Story

2010-05-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

Before we could even gather as a group and pray last night, we strolled up to Del Taco to be met by three guys, one we'll call "Ely" and two of his friends I'd never met. We see him on a regular basis, but at least he and I don't talk much. He usually seems to be preoccupied with friends or business or going somewhere, so I've never spent too much time talking to him.

Last night, however, he was in a great mood because his 21st birthday was just hours away, and he was ready to chat it up. He told us how he wants to live for Jesus, but couldn't point out a single thing in his life that indicates that he's trying or believes it's really important. He told us about how right now he's doing things that aren't great and concerned with things that don't matter.

At about the point I wasn't quite sure of what else to say, Michelle jumped in with her own story of when she stopped living for Christ and started living for the world. She shared how empty it was, how much she regretted spending those years in that way, and how much better life has been since she surrendered it all back to Christ. And about the fulfillment and peace and true joy that has come for living for Jesus alone.

I already know that sharing our own stories can have huge impact on people. But it was a great reminder to me. Michelle or I could have told him that following Christ produces that joy, that life is full of blessings when we're living for him and not ourselves, that it's so much better than living for drugs and alcohol or anything else. But when Michelle told her own, unique story, the look in Ely's eyes showed that it had a major effect on him. "That sounds exactly like my story," he said. As she talked and I glanced back to him, his demeanor had changed. He was intensely focused, his eyes looking a bit misty, like something she'd said had struck a chord.

Just a few nights before, another one of our friends we'd met here called me, having suicidal thoughts and feeling hopeless about his life. Something he said made me decide to share a story from my experience at Columbine High School, and the instance that the thought of God was all that kept me hoping. This made him want to hear the full story of my experience of the shooting at my school. At the end of it all, he said hearing that helped put things in perspective for him. That he'd never been through anything like that and couldn't imagine dealing with that kind of trauma. How it was so encouraging to hear that I made it through without turning to substance, because that's all he would have known for how to cope.

In my perspective, all I'd done was share a story I'd told a million times and didn't seem all that extravagant. But to him, hearing my story of pain and trial and how I got through it had a big impact on his situation, and he encouraged me to tell the other people I meet on the boulevard.

Two simple instances of telling people what we'd experienced...not long, drawn-out, dramatic stories, but just a shared experience with someone who needed to hear. I've been reminded lately that we all have some type of story, no matter how simple or trivial it may seem. And sharing it can have more profound impact than we would ever guess.

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15

Progress

2010-04-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, a girl in the donut shop stopped me mid-conversation and asked if we help people find housing. We spoke a bit about her needs, her challenges (just getting out of jail) and how we might be able to help. She left early that night to get some sleep, but I saw her the following night in the same spot, where our conversation continued. A friend and I chatted with her for a while about her desire to find out more about God, her needs for housing and getting off of the street, etc. She wanted to come to church, but didn't show up that Sunday when I went to get her.

Later that morning I received an email that she'd tried to come but the clock on the computer she was using was behind and so she missed meeting up for church. The following week, I saw her on Thursday again and, after having her fill out an intake form so we could help, she ranted and raved about why programs restrict drugs, why they're not bad, why the president and cops and so on are not doing any good and don't help people like her; how she doesn't want to be told what to do, how God has let her down and she's anti-Christ...but still interested in finding out more about him. It was one of those times I felt I just needed to listen, as irrational as some arguments were and despite multiple questions she was firing off without much room for me to answer. At the end of the night she said she still wanted to come to church. But once again didn't show up.

This past week, I didn't see her on the street, but she called me Friday morning to let me know she'd found temporary housing. She'd had a dream about me and it made her decide to call. We spent some time just talking and catching up, before she once again asked if she could come to church. She promised she'd be there this time (again). Sunday morning, right on time, she was there waiting.

Unfortunately she'd stayed up all night and was so tired that she slept through most of our church gathering. But she also said she had an amazing sleep and it felt like she was in Heaven. Afterward, she and I and two others went out to lunch. At this point she was much more awake and we were all able to hold a great conversation. Once again turning to drug use, our friend 'Jake' was able to speak to her in a unique way because he had been exactly where she was. My friend Branden was able to speak some truth and call out some issues, but in a gentle way that she seemed to truly hear. We talked about many topics, from God to drugs to relationships and desire for friends. And had many humorous moments as well as we talked and talked over Mexican food.

She realized some issues with drugs and problems they can cause....realized there might be something to another way of living based on the way our lives seemed to be going (which was huge!) ..and asked to hang out with us and come back to church again. On the drive to drop her off, we kicked back in the car, jamming to the music on the radio and having fun.

I couldn't help but smile the whole ride. Our day had been amazing - great conversation that flowed naturally, awesome dynamics between four completely different individuals, and a lot of fun. She may have fallen asleep during our church service, but surely she did not miss out on Church that day. God was present, and I couldn't be happier to be a part of His ministry.

Livin' the Dream

2010-04-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

Taken from my personal blog, regarding ministry this week:

Somewhere along the line, God changed my dreams quite a bit. Sitting in a grey cubicle at work, I often day-dreamed of an afternoon at the beach instead of sitting at a desk. But as time progressed, especially on a Friday after a night of street ministry, those dreams became more about being in Hollywood and having time and availability to spend with the people we met.

Well, this weekend I got both.

The joy of working at home is that, on Thursday when I had some work to do, I headed to the beach to get it done out in the wonderfully warm weather. That night, I went out to Broken Hearts for street ministry, where I had several memorable encounters. First, I saw a guy I haven’t seen in weeks but pray for often, and got to catch up with him a bit. Just seeing him again was great, as was knowing that now I have much more opportunity to spend time with him if he ever wants to hang out because I live in the neighborhood.

During that conversation, a girl interrupted us as we talked about church, asking if we do housing for people. That led into a conversation about the help she needed and how we might be able to help. That’s rare – people don’t just ask for help unless they’re really ready. In fact, that’s my regular prayer, that God would send us just those type of people…the ones so hungry for change and help that we don’t have to offer or convince them of anything because they’re desperate enough to ask. Which also means the chance of sustained and lasting change is much more likely, because we’re not coercing, we’re simply available to help in their need.

Tonight, a friend was visiting, and after coffee and dessert, we couldn’t decide what to do with the last hour or so of our night. We decided to take a stroll and go by way of the boulevard, just to stop and say 'hi' to a few people and see the Friday night Broken Hearts team.

We ended up seeing that same guy friend mentioned previously, which then led to us seeing a few other people we know and getting to catch up with them as well. But it also took us inside the donut shop, where once again we ran into the girl who’d asked for help.

For the next 30 minutes, my friend and I got to hear more of her need and situation and talk a bit about God. Which, again, she brought up and we didn’t even have to. She asked about going to church and agreed to meet up this week to come with me to church where we can start the journey of meeting both spiritual and physical needs.

Our plans didn’t quite pan out tonight like we’d planned…but clearly God had something much better in store. And it brought me so much joy to simply take a stroll late at night, and end up seeing the Broken Hearts crew and many friends on the street who, normally, I’d have to wait a week to see.

We encountered someone in need and got to talk and pray with her, journey the streets and wander in areas that Broken Hearts always avoids. Because now it’s not just an intimidating, unfamiliar neighborhood, but it’s my home and much more comfortable to spend time in.

The idea of “incarnational ministry” has appealed to me since I heard the concept in those terms. It swirled in my mind as a longing and dream for over a year…and now I get to see it lived out. Not quite what I had planned, or could have ever imagined for myself. This move, this crazy neighborhood, this cut from full-time to part-time work…it’s a far cry from the beach house and comfortable life I always planned on. But now, this is what I call “livin’ the dream”.

Not what we planned on...

2010-04-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday was just slightly unusual...

Antquan and the men's bible study was going late, and I had lost my garage door opener and couldn't get out to the streets without a ride. So Jeremiah was the only one there around 11pm. He texted that there was a bomb at Del Taco and they were making everyone leave the area. So in a flurry of phone calls, texts and confusion in the midst of noisy helicopters, we all eventually ended up at Antquan's because no one could get to Del Taco or nearby.

Apparently, one of our friends who is a security guard had told Jeremiah about the bomb and that he'd have to leave. We arrived at Antquan's at the end of their bible study and all made ourselves at home. Our friends 'Ravi' and 'Romeo' ( who we'd just re-met a few weeks ago in need of help) were there, along with Antquan, Jorge and Antquan's friend Branden.

For the next several hours, our group comprised of Biolans, cross-country visitors and Skid Row-and-Hollywood-dwellers ate pizza, played Monopoly, and talked about what was going on in our lives and got to know each other better.

Not exactly what we had planned, but often those chill times of hanging out and experiencing warm, loving community and fun are more powerful, bonding and trust-building than anything we could have planned.

The Value of Listening

2010-03-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

The following is adapted from a blog written by Jeremiah Jenkins, part of the Broken Hearts team - a recap of this past Thursday night.

When I arrived on the streets of Hollywood last Thursday to meet up with the rest of the Broken Hearts Ministry team I quickly encountered a drunken man stumbling down the sidewalk toward me. I made eye contact with him as we approached each other and he seemed to have enough sense to fall onto a windowsill before I passed, presumably to avoid falling on me. As I passed him we made eye contact again and I smiled but we did not exchange words. After I had passed I heard him shout something angrily at me but I could not make out his words over the sounds of the rushing cars. Seconds later I met up with the team... who was being told a thing or two by a second drunk man.

The second drunk man, whom I will call 'Mike', was having a mostly one-way conversation with Antquan, shouting his opinions and random thoughts to everyone within earshot. In lieu of trying to do a play-by-play of everything said, let me just say that Mike has a lot of anger directed at a lot of people groups, but most of his anger is reserved for religious people and wealthy white men.

Antquan politely excused himself from the conversation with Mike but Mike was not interested in being quiet. Antquan tried to get us organized and lead us into prayer but Mike's shouting made it extremely difficult to focus on anything else. Eventually, I broke from the group and tried to lead Mike away to talk with just me. He wasn't interested in an audience of one though so he sidestepped and otherwise ignored me. Then one of our friends from the street helped me out by standing directly between Mike and the group.At one point Mike stepped directly into the center of the group and I gently tugged at his shoulder to nudge him out, to which he reacted with a swift turn and an angry "Don't touch me!" That was the last time I touched him, but I never stopped trying to maintain eye contact with him.

In case you are wondering, standing face to face with an angry drunk man in a parking lot late at night is just as scary as it sounds. My heart was trying to escape my chest nearly the whole time and at certain points I thought perhaps that it had succeeded. The whole time, though, I prayed. I prayed for safety, discernment, and wisdom. In trying to keep Mike from disturbing the rest of the group, I continually insisted that if he wanted to vent he should direct it at me because I was ready to listen. After several minutes of our sidestepping game of cat and mouse, he calmed down and had a seat on some nearby grass. I followed him and postured myself as if to say "Okay. Here I am. I am all ears."

Before Antquan and the rest of the team dispersed, Antquan came by and invited Mike to join us for pizza later. My immediate gut reaction to Antquan's gesture was, "Are you kidding me?! Have you already forgotten the last 20 minutes of madness?!" But then that internal voice went away and a softer but firmer voice said, "God loves this man just as much as you and everyone else. Regardless of what society thinks, no one should be excluded from God's love."

So I spent the next twenty to thirty minutes sitting with Mike on the grass hearing some of his complaints. I also listened to some heartbreaking stories. After a while he felt guilty for some of the things he had said and done moments earlier so he said, "I don't really hate God and I am not an atheist. I have just had a lot of bad experiences with church and religion. I wouldn't say I love God, though, either."

When midnight finally came around, I tried to wrap up the conversation and reminded Mike of the invitation to join the group for pizza. As he stood up, though, his personality seemed to shift. He insisted he needed a cigarette and after being denied by a few nearby club-goers he resorted to picking up used cigarette butts from the asphalt. Then he started shouting at the club-goers, the same remarks he had shouted at us earlier. As we slowly made our way down the street, Mike shouted at every single group of people. I felt like a parent with an ornery toddler in a grocery store. I was a little embarrassed.

In addition to shouting at every group we passed, Mike seemed to waiver about whether or not he actually wanted to join our team for pizza. He wanted the pizza and wanted to express himself but he was hesitant to get involved with a church group.

When we did finally approach the team, the Refuge service was already in progress. Mike spotted everyone and seemed to shift into automatic. Can you guess what he did? ... He quickly walked away from me and straight to the group where he started right into another one of his rants about how rich people suck and how our group, by extension, is personally to blame for all that is wrong with society. My thought as I witnessed this happen before my eyes was "Oh no!! What have I done?! I have brought a curse on our group!"

Some folks from the streets had joined the team for the church service and some of them shouted back at Mike. . I thought for sure that something very bad was going to happen... but it didn't. Mike realized how outnumbered he was and he went away. I was then able to join the team, for the first time, for a calm discussion.

Almost immediately after the group discussion ended and we broke up into smaller groups, Mike returned. This time, Antquan took on the role of listening to Mike's rants but he also offered him some pizza and since there was no large group to disrupt he did not try to push him away.

Frankly, only a small part of me saw much hope with Mike. Although there was that period where he had sat and entrusted me with certain secrets from his past, he had switched gears moments later and became "angry Mike" again. In my limited-capacity mind, I thought, "Once a drunk angry man, always a drunk angry man."

Fortunately, that night, I acted in accordance with my hopeful self. I acted the way I felt God wanted me to act. I listened and I empathized with Mike. I truly felt sorry for him and I know that my face expressed that to him. In fact, moments before we approached and disrupted the church service we stopped on a street corner and I faced him while he ranted. His complaints were totally legitimate. We maintained eye contact and I connected with his pain. My skeptical self, the part of me that would have wanted nothing to do with Mike, took the night off.

Eventually, at 1:30 AM, I went home. When I left I think Mike was sitting on the sidewalk with a few last members of the team. The next day I received the following message from one of my teammates, Michelle. I will close with this because I believe it speaks for itself.

Jeremiah- the time you invested in Mike last night, God really used, in a bigger way than we will ever know. I know God used all of us in his life last night. He continued to hang out with us on the street till we left at around 2:30am. He asked us "why did you guys give me the time of day, and listen to me? No one listens to me. Why did you want to hang out with me?" We just said "because we love you, and God loves you even more." He teared up and thanked us.

Walls

2010-02-27T09:23:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons I was drawn to Broken Hearts, and continue to be, is that there is a level of rawness to the people hanging out on the boulevard. Everyone, from them to cops to the community, knows what goes down on that street corner and the type of people who hang out there. So there's no hiding. Most people are pretty open about their illegal activities, as well as their brokenness.

I hear people who have been on missions trips to third-world countries feel similarly - that people are so down and out that it makes it much easier to reach them. Yet in Hollywood, we're not seeing hundreds come to Christ like you might on a trip to Africa or India. And it finally clicked me with the other day that while people are openly broken, they've also got up some of the thickest walls you can imagine.

For some reason I think I've often taken that rawness for transparency and vulnerability, but I think I was wrong (as I often am about my thinking in this ministry). Last night Antquan explained to some new volunteers the idea of the people we meet being in imaginary prisons, like walking around with a cage around them that they think they'll never get out of, and that others can only enter into so far without the key. But that finding that key is the hard part. I'd never heard him explain it quite this clearly before, and it totally captured what I was wrestling with.

One of the first barriers is getting people past years of learned thinking that this way of life is just how it is and there's no getting out, and now it's just learning how to survive in that jail cell they carry around with them all of the time. Which, from the brief counseling knowledge I've acquired, probably takes a loooonng time to get through. Then there's finding that key. How do you find it? What unlocks the cage? How many failed attempts will there be? And do they even want you to unlock that cage?

Last night I spent about a half hour with a guy I've known for a while, hearing about how he's abstained from meth for a month already, but is high on weed 24/7, according to him. I tried to find out more, like why he feels the need to be high all the time. After peppering him with questions (only because I know subtlety doesn't work too well with him, especially when he's already high), the furthest we got was that he can't deal with people when he's sober. Without saying much, it was clear there's probably all kinds of hurt and issues that he just can't manage with a sober mind, so he has to cover it up with some kind of drug, even if he's clean of meth.

That's how many of my conversations go...ask questions, try to hear what they're not saying, and not get very far. They might be open about what they do and their sin, but try to get to the reasons why, and you run into that nearly-impenetrable wall with no key in your hand.

I believe more and more that two factors - the Holy Spirit, and time - are the only things that will break down these walls. I really wanted the chance to simply pray with our friend last night, but didn't get an opportunity. Because my words and questions can only do so much, but the Spirit has a completely different kind of power that can break through those barriers. And despite the lack of opportunity to pray, Antquan's sermon spoke perfectly to what we'd just been discussing, and he actually stayed and listened to the whole thing. Antquan had planned it earlier, had no idea what "Jay" and I had talked about, and yet God used the perfect words to solidify his message through us.

As far as the factor of time, continuing to get to know him, sharing our lives, letting him see how we live ours, and loving him through the day-ins and day-outs build trust and leave an open opportunity for that day that he just needs to have someone hear him out. But that might not be for months or years down the road. I know that because I've seen it happen with people...after months of befriending them and getting the short, simple, safe answers, someone will eventually take away one of those bricks from their wall and let you - and Christ - in just a little bit further. And if I've learned anything, it is to be faithful to our calling just as God is faithful to us. Because when someone's ready to come to Him, he's there to set them free.

Good Discussions

2010-02-20T15:41:00.000-08:00

Church on the street is great.

These days, I'm fully convinced that going out and being the church and meeting people where they're at is how the church should really be. But I had never really thought about it before Broken Hearts, and so I'm just lucky that I sort of stumbled onto it and am now part of a church expression that I value so highly.

The past few weeks, there have been a lot of people at The Refuge service at midnight. We'd had many weeks of 1-2 people in addition to our team, but these days the numbers have grown. But what I really love about it is seeing who shows up and how the discussion goes. Several different weeks, we've had individuals refuse to come to Bible study, totally disinterested...only to show up on their own accord.

This last week we had a few returners, who also brought disinterested friends with them. I'd asked a guy hanging out with us on the street corner if he'd come, and he kept saying no, although we did get to chat beforehand. And lo and behold, he not only came but fully participated in the service.

We had another guy come, and his face looked vaguely familiar, but it took me a long time to talk to him because I was pretty sure I hadn't met him before. But as soon as I introduced myself and asked if we'd met, he said, "yeah, I'm "Ty", but I met you a while ago going by "Anthony"". Then it all came back to me, I knew exactly who he was - odd, because we'd only spent one night talking and I hadn't seen him since. But amazingly, I still remembered who he was and bits of the conversation we'd had. In fact, I'm pretty sure I had written about him on this blog.

The last we'd talked, he was temporarily homeless. He was really down and struggling a lot, and just trying to find a place to live and maintain his job. We'd talked for quite a while, prayed, and exchanged phone numbers. He called me a few days later letting me know he'd found a temporary place to stay. And I never heard from him again. When I met him this week, he was living in an apartment by Santa Monica beach, still holding his wonderful PR job, and seemed very happy with things. He also joined The Refuge and was a big participant in all of the discussion.

Please pray that these great discussions would not only serve to educate, make people think, and bring people together, but that they would always result in the opportunity and acceptance to hear the gospel and receive God's Spirit.

Apathy

2010-02-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

I feel like I haven't written in forever. I suppose because the past few weeks have been fairly mellow and not particularly unusual.

Jeremiah has not really preached during The Refuge, but rather read through a chapter of Genesis and then we've opened it up for discussion and questions, which has actually been very cool. While teaching is necessary, it's also cool to see how taking a break really does bring out all kinds of questions. But rather than Jere just answer everything, the people who come to the bible study also participate in answering questions and giving their opinions. From 'did dinosaurs exist?' to 'why did God put a tree of good and evil in the garden?', we've had some great discussion.

But it always strikes me that some of these people on the street know the bible and have thought about these things just as much as us. Yet their lives don't match up to their knowledge. Granted, ours often don't either...but I think our desire to change and live by the spirit is the difference. The Spirit doesn't seem to be a part of their lives...or something. I can't judge each person and act like I know their spiritual life, but can a good tree bear bad fruit?

I'm just praying that so many of these who join us each week and hear the Word of God would actually internalize it, receive the Holy Spirit and be transformed for his glory.

All Kinds of Backward

2010-01-19T21:51:00.000-08:00

Things seemed to be reversed on the street this week. While Fridays are normally busy and crowded, Thursdays are pretty chill. But this week the Friday team said that almost no one was out, while the Thursday team had more than enough people to interact with (especially considering there were about 4 of us).

As we got across the street to the donut shop, I immediately recognized several people. Strangest of all was a transgender we've known for a long time, who we'll call "Nancy". He's typically dressed in short skirts, hair all done or a wig, lots of make-up, etc. This night - probably one of the most extreme changes I've ever seen - he was completely the opposite, in the most dude-ish of ways. His head was shaved, no make-up on, baggy sweatshirt and shorts. I'm surprised I even recognized him, but I did, and we exchanged brief hellos, as he seemed otherwise occupied. I desperately wanted to ask him about the change, but didn't get a chance between other conversations and him coming and going. If I find out, I'll be sure to write about it here.

Inside the donut shop were several of the younger guys we often see, who we quickly started up conversation with. Midway through that, another transgender - very pretty - sat right by us and joined in the conversation. I'd never met "Stacy" before, but he said he's seen us several times but never talked to us. Tonight he was very friendly and we chatted for a bit before I invited him to come to bible study. He said he'd like the free pizza, but didn't want to stay for the bible study. So, rather than be disrespectful, he just wouldn't go. I rarely hear that...most people are happy to take the food and run. It was refreshing to have someone express some sense of respect for "church" and God. A few other guys were there at the same time, who actually seemed somewhat interested, but also didn't really want to come.

In the midst of that conversation, I saw our friend "Jay" outside, who motioned that he wanted me to come out. We caught up for a bit, hearing about what was new with each other, in between guys rushing around and stopping to say something to Jay every once in a while. White guys, no less, which always looks weird in this area. Clearly some time of drug deal was going on around us, but I couldn't quite tell what all the commotion was about. So, we just went on talking about his desire to stop using meth - mostly for health reasons - and about the possibility of rehab. Though it was a good conversation, I told him I didn't think he was ready and wasn't going to quit. I could tell he didn't want the sobriety that bad. And if someone doesn't desperately want it, it's not going to happen. Even if they do, it's still nearly impossible at times. But I told him I'd follow up soon to see how that was going and see what kind of rehab he might be able to get into.

Though the talk was good, I was aware the whole time that, at least at certain moments, I'm pretty sure he was talking to me just to keep him out of trouble with the cops around. I don't think that's the only reason why he had started talking to me, as we are friends and usually chat. But the whole situation was just sketchy....and looking back, though I was very mindful of all going on around me, it probably was not safe in any way. Especially because the guys I'd come with were inside the donut shop, and as we headed to bible study, I realized they'd left without me. But in my lovely naiive fashion (which to-date has not hurt me, praise God!), we walked down the street to bible study.

It was a pretty good crew this week, probably close to 10 of us at the Refuge service. And amazingly, just as we started to pray for the pizza, "Stacy" walked up and joined us. He ended up not just coming to get pizza, and not even just staying for the service, but staying afterward to chat! That may sound small, but for someone to come on their own accord when they've already expressed disinterest - that's just crazy! Most of the time even the people who promise to show up don't. Unless we drag them there, haha. He and I talked for probably a good 20 minutes afterward. Apparently he grew up in church (like many out here), and believes in God and the bible, but explains himself as "spiritual" and that he's happy because he's found himself, despite lots of hardship and trials.

It's hard for me to look in the eyes of someone who's not fully man or fully woman, and believe they've found themselves and know who they are...but I hear that fairly often from some of these people. When we try to be something or pursue something other than what God created for, it seems that to some extent we are restless until our rest is in him (thanks, Aristotle). So, we pray for Jay and Stacy and Nancy and all of those caught up in the crazy lifestyle of Hollywood and Santa Monica Blvd, that they would come to know him and truly find themselves in Him.

The End of a Life.

2010-01-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

The following was written in conjunction with Jeremiah Jenkins, one of our faithful Thursday night volunteers and Refuge "preachers".

Death is unfortunately common on the streets of Hollywood, thanks to the proliferation of disease and murder. On Wednesday, a few of us found out that the life of one of our friends from the street, Andre, was lost to complications from drug use, HIV and pneumonia. The memorial service was held on Thursday, just hours before our team went out on the street. As we received phone calls from some of our friends, and walked the streets on Thursday, we encountered several mourners (please pray for all of them!)

One of those was our friend "Jonah", who has been hanging out with us more and more, desiring more church and interactions with God and other Christians lately. He had a picture of Andre from his memorial service and aside from a security guard that my group talked to for a while, most of our time was with "Jonah". His good friend's death had caused him to think even more about death, heaven, hell, this life and how we live it. This sad occasion had opened his eyes even more (and probably many others) to the dangers of living our lives however we want, pursuing every pleasure and using little caution. As I shared with him, I was reminded myself of how God sets up rules for us, not to be a killjoy, but to protect us. He shows us His love in that way - by setting up boundaries from things that will hurt and damage us whether physically, emotionally or spiritually.

By God's divine "coincidence", the sermon prepared by Jeremiah before he even knew about Andre's death, happened to be about death. The scripture passages included Luke 12:13-21 and Luke 9:23-26. The former passage tells the parable of a rich man who lived only for selfish gain and whose death came abruptly causing all of his hard-earned wealth to fall into other's hands. The latter includes some of Jesus' words to His closest friends right after He has told them about his own imminent death: "...If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed..."

As Jeremiah spoke, I had to smile (internally at least) at how so much of what he was saying and reading from the bible was addressing questions that Jonah had just been sharing. There weren't many of us at the bible study this time, but it almost seemed like God had prepared it just for those who did attend.

God has given us all a second chance at life and Jeremiah got to share that part of his story with everyone who attended the Refuge service. (The sermon is available online to watch atanytime: http://vimeo.com/8613292 )

Death is not something that most of us choose to dwell on, but it is inevitable for everyone regardless of how much we try to avoid thinking about it. Last Thursday presented an opportunity for all of us to consider our own impending death and reevaluate the focus and purpose of our lives. Many of us spent several minutes talking about Jesus' words after the sermon.

As we asked ourselves how we were living, the reality of the recent death of Andre made our answers all that much more important. How about you - What are you living for? And will it suffice when your life ends at the judgement seat of a holy God?

Christmas Eve in Hollywood

2009-12-27T14:19:00.000-08:00

I wasn't able to go home for Christmas this year, so in lieu of that and a free Christmas Eve, I decided to make the most of the day and head to Hollywood with a few other Broken Heart-ers. We didn't do our regular ministry even though it was Thursday, but instead went up much earlier in the day to hang out with some of the people we normally see on Thursdays and Fridays.

We started out at an AA meeting with our friend "Jake", who was receiving a chip for his 30 days of sobriety, the longest he's had since leaving rehab. After celebrating there, we all went out for a bite to eat before we headed to church. Conversation quickly turned to Christ, and his ability to heal and restore and the ultimate power that he has, that not even things like AA can compare to. Because Jake doesn't entirely agree, he and Nick discussed for a while their paths of sobriety, and Nick shared about how he'd experienced coming out of a crazy lifestyle only through the saving grace of Jesus. It was a pretty cool conversation, and even if we disagreed, I think both sides heard each other out well.

Then we headed to Del Taco, where 3 guys were supposed to be meeting us. Turned out to be 5 of them - Bryan, "Ravi", "Rich", Chris and "Tyler". I wasn't sure if Rich would show up, but he came and brought 2 other friends with him. The good thing was that there was a bunch of people, the bad was that we couldn't all fit in Nick's car. So Nick took a few people to church and dropped Jake back off for another meeting, and then came back for the rest of us. But while we were waiting, Rich decided he wanted to change clothes and would hurry back to meet us. We doubted he'd make it back...and I think he made it back in time, but thought we'd already left, so he went to the donut shop where he ran into some other friends. So, when the rest of us met up with Nick, we drove around looking for Rich, couldn't find him, and then just as we saw him and turned around to pick him up in the donut shop, Nick got pulled over for a fix-it ticket! So as he was waiting for the cop to write the ticket, we saw Rich leave with some people, and we couldn't get out and grab him because we were surrounded by cops (apparently fix-its are the most important thing they have to do on a street surrounded with drug dealers, drunk drivers and prostitution).

So, even though he was the person I was most excited about coming with us that night, we ended up losing him. But the rest of us set off to the Hollywood Church anyway for their Christmas Eve service. After church we all headed to the store to pick up some food for dinner...stood in an incredibly long line...and then headed to Antquan's place to make dinner and watch a movie.

For quite a while I've been wanting to have more time to just hang out with people we meet, to do regular life stuff and share food and homes and get to know each other better than just a couple hours each week. So this time to just be friends and hang out with both people we know well, and some that we don't as well, was awesome. A great way to spend Christmas...even if there was all kinds of craziness all day from losing parking tickets, to getting fix-it tickets, to running late to church and losing people and not being able to get the TV to work, to watching the twisted Donnie Darco. I didn't include all of the mishaps...maybe Satan was trying to mess up our day...but it turned out well either way, trying to share the love that Christ came to bring to all of us. Definitely not my typical warm, cozy, family Christmas Eve in Colorado...but just maybe one of my best Christmas Eve's yet. :)

Underestimating God

2009-12-15T15:10:00.001-08:00

Usually God stops the rain when we hit the Santa Monica boulevard pavement. Not this week. It poured down almost the entire time we were there. But rain or shine – we’re there!

So, with a plan B and C for where we could do bible study, we headed out to quickly gather anyone on the street we could find, then hurry over to Magee’s Donuts to ask Jack if we could hold The Refuge in his shop. When we got across the street, several of us headed to the security station to say hi to some of our friends there. They weren’t able to join us…but as Kayla talked with them, Jorge, Charlie and I got to visit with “Ravi’s” friend “Oz”, who none of us had met before. He was fairly quiet, but we heard about how he has a music label and is just working to do more with that, because he’s passionate about any kind of music. He had joined Jorge and Ravi for bible study that night, but doesn’t typically attend church. Both of them also joined us for Refuge later on.

As the rain slowed a bit, we headed down the street and ran into some other people from our team as well as some people they’d begun talking to. A young man walked up shortly after, recognizing one of the guys our team was talking to. They’d been roommates in a mental hospital together for a couple of weeks, apparently.

Maybe it was the influence of alcohol, or maybe it was just the right time and place, but this young man quickly opened up about how he’s making bad choices, being stupid (his words, not mine), addicted to drugs and alcohol, and wants to do more with his life. He acknowledged that he’s lost and wants more, wants help, and that God clearly brought him there at that moment for a reason. It was incredibly easy to talk about God, the bible, the peace and freedom that He brings, and relationship with him. But I think the alcohol also affected his ability to really listen and let it sink it, because though he agreed and was excited, didn’t seem to be completely responding. But he anxiously joined us for bible study (though he left a few minutes in…apparently the addiction won out this time).

By the time we actually got to Magee’s, my boots and light jacket were pretty much soaked, and I (along with many others) was freezing. But who would’ve expected that walking in we’d see about 10 people already sitting there. So, after a quick bible study out of the rain, we sat in groups and discussed what we’d heard for quite a while (I was with Han, Bryan, and Jonas, a guy we’ve known for a while but only see from time to time).

I know that at this point it shouldn’t surprise me that God can work under any circumstances…yet it truly does surprise me that even when it rains, we always find people to talk to. In fact, as I think back, I don’t think we’ve had one rainy night that didn’t produce a really great conversation…and those are always the days I expect nothing to really happen, thinking no one will be out in the rain and cold. Maybe it’s time I stop underestimating God.

Small Changes Can Be Big Things

2009-12-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Though the weather outside was (slightly) frightful last night in Hollywood, it did not prevent us from engaging in some great conversations and having many people at The Refuge service.

As soon as we strolled over to Donut Time, a tall, mid-aged black man walked out with his coffee and donuts in one hand, Popeye's Chicken bag in another, and said hi to us as soon as he recognized us. After a quick mention that he sells hats on Hollywood Blvd, I remembered him from months ago…maybe even a year ago. I had met him right around the same corner while he was waiting for a bus. 'Ron' reintroduced himself and it didn’t take long for him to recognize that God had apparently set this appointment.

He explained that he feels God calling him to “do what we do” - going out and telling people about Him. He’s a Christian, and talks to people about God when he gets the chance, but feels that something much bigger is coming with the start of the new year. That God’s calling him to something greater, and he’s starting to accept that, while realizing it’s a huge responsibility. “I don’t know if I’m ready,” he told us, also expressing excitement for what was to come. (ha, I know the feeling). When we told him about bible study, he knew he needed to come, even though it wasn’t the most convenient time, because he felt like this had to be from God. He said he almost never comes to this Donut Shop because it’s out of the way and normally he goes to a different one on his way home. But for “some reason” he’d decided to come to this one tonight, and that had put him in our path.

While Han and I were talking to him, Jeremiah began talking to two other guys in the donut shop (one who we’d met a few weeks ago who loves arguing against God), and at midnight the 6 of us walked down to bible study together. Shortly after arriving, we were joined by two of the security guards we talk to each week. That was incredibly exciting, because they’re normally either working, or heading home, or just don’t wan to come at midnight. They even both participated in the service by sharing some of their Christmas traditions, as Antquan was speaking on the topic of Christmas and who/what we should really be celebrating. At the end of the message when we broke up into groups, one of them said he's trying to learn more and would be sure to return to our service. And the other, who Kayla's been trying to get to come for a long time, said he'd also return, and asked to take a Bible home!

As we talked with them, several others engaged with the same guy Jeremiah had been talking to, which meant a lot of debating. But his friend he'd been with hung around and talked with others on the team. After the security guards left, two other guys showed up - one who I know, the other who I'd seen but hadn't met before. They stopped by for some pizza and conversation, and Kayla and I talked to Eric for a while, tossing around light conversation. Soon after that, our friend "Alex" showed up with another of his friends. He was in a better mood than I'd seen him in a while...and also in a shorter dress than I'd seen him in before (and I didn't really think it could get any shorter. But it did). We just talked briefly with the two of them, but I think his friend "Blaine" was one of the nicest people I've met out there. Also two of THE prettiest men I've met out there...I honestly forget that they're not women when I'm talking with them.

Alex and I exchanged numbers for the millionth time (he always seems to have a new one), and said we'd call each other soon, acknowledging that we all need to hang out more.

So many people, in addition to those already occupying my thoughts, gave me much to pray for on the ride home. Nothing profound from the night, necessarily, but as Kayla and I had talked about earlier, many people here require that we prove our commitment and trustworthyness, and with time and the planting of seeds, things begin to change.

There was a new level of interest last night from several individuals, and that in and of itself is a huge thing! Please pray those seeds take root and begin to grow deeper and wider.

Thanksgiving 09

2009-11-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

Another Thanksgiving celebration in Hollywood is behind us. Once again, Broken Hearts hosted a meal with the help of Hope Again and their home on Sunset. Several of their residents joined us, along with a few people from the boulevard, some volunteers from Basileia and The Hollywood Church, as well as a small army from RockHarbor (okay, maybe not that many, but there was an outpouring of people who wanted to serve on this holiday).

About 50-60 of us crammed into the dining area, talking about thankfulness with strangers and catching up with old friends. Big Mama and her baby, Jorge, were there along with her boyfriend Bear. And a guy, "Mark" that we'd met on the street last Thursday. Additionally we had several people who live at Hope Again who probably wouldn't have had a place to go for Thanksgiving otherwise.

To me, it was a great blessing to see everyone intermixing and excited to serve however God wanted. Family from various churches were getting to know each other, people from different backgrounds, ages, ministries, etc all participated and got to shre in the experience of God's family. I know I came away from the day knowing several new people from my church I'd never met before and excited to see them get a glimpse of what's happening in Hollywood.

After we cleaned up the meal, several of the volunteers from RockHarbor stuck around and we took leftovers to the street. Because we were there so early, it was VERY quiet. There were about a handful of people on the street, so it took a few hours to hand out the leftover food. We met a man I hadn't seen before by Donut Time (which was closed. The first time I've ever seen it closed!) and chatted with him for a while about his day. Then we headed down the street and saw several of the security guards we know, and with some convincing, were able to give them some of the food. As we headed just a few steps further down, we ran into Zoe, who I've written about just a few times, but WAY back in earlier blogs. Zoe was one of the first people I met on the street, and then saw again about 6 months ago. But other than that never see him anymore. So, I was shocked to see him, to say the least. Me and a few others including Big Mama and Bear stood with Zoe for the next 45 minutes or so, catching up and hearing some hard stuff about life.

He told us that his dad has just passed away, and his mom is in the hospital expected to die fairly soon. He said he planned to commit himself to a mental hospital when his mom dies. He already feels like he's losing it and thinks that'll just make him insane. He told us he'd been in and out of recovery places and rehabs as well as jail, and is back on the street to make an easy buck. As Big Mama said, "this one's a rock. It's like talking to a wall." Bear and Big Mama offered help, as well as the suggestion to get into church and off of the street. But Zoe isn't ready. Hasn't been yet. He said he hasn't been scared into changing, and that he has to be scared to stop. Essentially, he has so little value for his life and so little hope, that the life he's living seems perfectly fine. Why not stay high and make easy money prostituting when you have nothing else? What's the point of setting goals or making plans or trying anything else?

I didn't go too much into the hope God can give, because we've had that talk more than once before. And I reassured him that the BH team is always there for him if he needs anything. But truly, he's like talking to a brick wall and until he's been softened or even more broken or is ready, he won't hear any of it. It killed me to see that, to hear that he's not grateful for anything and always sleeps through Thanksgiving and Christmas. But that he won't accept any help and won't change, even though he hates his life. That's how hopeless he is. Please pray for him!

I think one of the coolest parts of the night for me was how, during that conversation as well as two others later with people we met walking around, that Bear and Big Mama were able to offer help, encouragement, and wisdom based on their own experiences. I had a lot of time to get to know Bear better and hear about his life. 15 years in prison for murder, cage fighting, uncountable acts of extreme violence towards others, drug abuse, etc. And now he lives in the Open Arms program, running a transitional living home and helping others get in and through the program. He and Big Mama (who has quite the story of her own - living on the streets, years of being beaten, prostitution, etc) are planning on moving into an apartment soon to raise Jorge and their new one on the way and getting on with their changed lives. Both attend church regularly with Open Arms and when I asked Bear about what had changed him he said, "God changed me."

He and Big Mama were able to share their lives and testimonies and experiences with others who are in that same position and tell people that they need God. Which I think can often have a bit more impact than coming from someone like me, who many feel they can't relate to.

In all, a good night, although slightly bittersweet seeing that there is still SO much pain here that simply can't be healed apart from Christ. And so many people running away from their one source of healing. But praise God for the encouragement from other people from church who were able to experience another way of life, and the encouragement of those lives he's already changed and will continue to use.

Sometimes we say the craziest things someone's ever heard on the street

2009-11-21T15:55:00.000-08:00

This week we had a smaller group on the street, four guys and myself. So two of them went to get pizza while three of us went to invite people to bible study. I've written before that when there's only a few of us and the streets seem quiet, things just don't seem to go well, or go as planned. There were maybe 15 people on the street total ( and only that many if you count the six people who the police had lined up against the wall on one of the side streets). On the surface, things didn't appear promising.

As we crossed the street from Del Taco to Donut Time, we passed a man on crutches. We made eye contact and exchanged smiles. After arriving across the street and glancing around to see who was there and who we might talk to, a young man hanging out outside quickly said hello and we began a conversation.
"A" recognized us quickly as "the church people" and told us that he's been going to church his whole life (until he was 18). We told him about our Thanksgiving meal we'd be doing next week and he quickly promised he'd be there. He was easy to talk to and get to know, as the world seemed a very happy place to him that evening (clearly pretty high as he was also doing some drug deals in the donut shop).

After several minutes of chatting, he insisted that we meet his friend, the man we had passed in the crosswalk. He was sure that his friend would want to come to Thanksgiving as well. Eventually, he came back from Del Taco with some food and we were introduced. He scoffed at the idea of joining us for church, but continued talking with us. "A" told him about Thanksgiving, and he began a rant about how he doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving or any holiday. We weren't really trying to convince him of anything, but he argued his point and defended himself and kept trying to convince us of how wrong our traditions and plans seemed to be. It only took a few minutes for me to realize that, without him saying anything, he's harboring a lot of anger and has probably had some really bad experiences with holidays, likely related to family. So I left the topic alone, but we bantered back and forth about it all evening.

It was an interesting contrast with A and Lou, the guy on crutches. A was laughing and happy and excited about everything from free pizza that night to Thanksgiving. Lou wanted to argue with just about everything that came out of our mouths, but luckily not in a mean way. We persisted in mentioning church and free pizza, even though Lou said he wouldn't go and it was too far to walk. But God must have been having a similar yet unseen conversation with them too, because just as we were on the verge of walking away they decided to come with us and bring another friend.

Jeremiah gave a sermon about the bad patterns of behavior that we get ourselves into, and then we all talked more afterwards. I expected at least two of the guys to leave, but they hung around for a bit. We had some good conversation, along with more banter. Once again, Lou brought the conversation back to frustrations he seemed to have pent up...telling me we don't have street smarts and that I wouldn't make it a day on the street. "Yep, you're right. I'm not saying I would" was basically my response. I mostly agreed with what he said, because it was true and I'd never stated otherwise. He just seemed to want to argue about how different we all are. Then he brought it back to Thanksgiving and how he thought our dinner was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.

"I've never heard anyone say something like that to me before. That's crazy. There's something not right about that. I'm gonna have to marinate in that one for a while. That's got me thinkin," he went on. The idea of us asking strangers to Thanksgiving and offering to pick them up sounded to him like some weird, unsafe, sketchy situation. I assured him we were safe, but that he didn't need to come and was free to feel freaked out by it if he wanted. So...not sure where that might lead, but hopefully some trust will be built with him as we hopefully see him more.

I spent most of the evening talking with them as Jeremiah spent time talking to their friend Mario. I'm not sure what happened there, but I know they talked about him getting out of a bad cycle he was in and they seemed to be in a really good conversation. A and Lou then decided to bust out their dope and roll a joint. That was about the time they decided to go, as we told them to put it away and as our security friends rolled up to say hi.

After that we chatted with the security guards for a few moments, who have been coming more and more. Please pray that they'll continue to enjoy visiting us so we can get to know them even better. And for the three men who came, that we'd see them again and be able to build good relationships. And that while they consider themselves Christians, that they'd really experience Jesus and be filled with his spirit for transformed lives.

Catch and Release: do we mean it when we say 'friend'?

2009-11-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, Charlie and I walked around the block and met a few people, then circled back around to a large group of young guys we'd seen earlier. I hadn't seen some of them in a long time, but had thought of them often and was anxious to say hi.

"You guys are still coming out here?" 'Rick' (who'd been gone for about 3 months) asked.
"Of course!" I responded "We've been coming for 5 years. And we're going to keep coming."
"Why?" he asked.

I said something inconsequential, and then Charlie answered: "We have friends out here."
"Friends?" he responded in a negative, skeptical tone. "Friends call each other, friends hang out. They don't just come up once a week..."

That reaction has stayed in my mind throughout the week. Now, in this instance, it actually turned out fairly well because in fact, I had tried calling and emailing him a few months ago when he'd showed interest in going to church. I had driven up to Hollywood to pick him up, only to be stood up. And I reminded him of this. So he kind of laughed it off and it smoothed out the conversation and we were able to continue on finding out where he'd been and what he'd been up to. And invited him to another hang out we have coming up this weekend.

Now, I do keep in mind that even if we all lived in Hollywood and were there all the time, there are a lot of walls. People don't want to be our friends. They don't want to share their lives or trust people or be open. So even if I called him everyday, he might ignore me. But I think that God requires us to keep trying, keep loving...and often times do so without result. More often, there will be a result of a relationship, but it takes time. We have to keep pursuing - just as He does us - keep caring about them, keep investing, even if we never get much in return. Because they see our efforts and consistency and recognize it. Even if they don't respond, they're aware (this applies across the board wherever we are, not just in this particular ministry).
But how many other people think what 'Rick' vocalized? Obviously, we care about relationship. That's why we're there...that's why Antquan moved to Hollywood, and why others of us hope to. We know real relationship - not just drive-by evangelism - is critical for sharing Christ. Especially in this neighborhood of darkness, skeptics and distrusting individuals. If we can't share our lives, they won't ever be able to see the gospel fully lived out as well as discussed with us (although hopefully God would put someone else in their path to do so!)
Though we know the importance, it doesn't mean we always act on it. We spend the majority of our time in Orange County, only giving them a few hours each week. Our hearts are in the right place...but if they don't know that, it loses a lot of importance (again, not specific to Broken Hearts).

I also spent time in the last few days thinking about the influence that our true friends from the street have on those whom we are trying to befriend. They have influence because they're there, they share their lives, they see each other around and know that, at least to some extent, they can trust and listen to each other. When we actually befriend someone and they hang out with us and trust us, others are much more willing to do so as well. And ideally, our hope is that those we help get off the street, get through rehab, give their lives to Jesus, etc, will then be able to go back and inspire others to do the same while sharing the grace and truth of the gospel just as we strive to do. But we actually have to be friends with people for this to occur. Not make them a project, not see them as a mission to accomplish, but actually love them, pour into their lives, and let them pour into ours as they choose.

As I was reading a book today with these thoughts far from my mind, I was struck as I read a page and realized it perfectly captured this idea. It's a true story called Same Kind of Different as Me that, up to the point that I've read, is about a couple who began serving meals at a mission and took an interest in those they interacted with. The husband is trying to befriend one of the coldest, toughest people they know. And after expressing that he desires friendship with the man (because his wife wants them to be friends), the man (Denver) responds this way:

"I heard that when white folks go fishin they do somethin called 'catch and release."..."That really bothers me," Denver went on. "I just can't figure it out. 'Cause when colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words, we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water...

..."So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: if you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch and release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend....But if you is looking for a real friend, then I'll be one. Forever."

When we walk out on the streets of Hollywood and tell people we want to be friends, or when you go into your workplace or neighbors home or mission to serve food and say that you want friendship in order to share the gospel...do we think about what that means? Can we introduce our 'friends' to everybody that we know and use our relationship to sustain each other? Are we ready for 'forever'? Because if not - if we don't have that real love - aren't we just resounding gongs or clanging symbols?

This is something I have to catch myself on a lot, and will continue to do even more now, so I'm not saying I have this down. Hopefully others will read these thoughts and we can walk through this Jesus thing together, gathering up friends as we go...

"Meaningless" Conversation

2009-11-03T22:49:00.000-08:00

It's taken me a while to write about last Thursday, because my main thoughts were around other parts of the evening, which I put on another blog (Thursday Night Thoughts). So, that has more detail about various going-ons, but I will briefly write about our evening on the street.

Once again, only a few of us out there (please pray for more members to join our teams), but the boulevard was pretty quiet as well. We saw a guy in the donut shop who we'd talked to before, who works in the area and has come to a few of our bible studies before. Jorge chatted with him for a few minutes before he had to leave to catch his bus. We said hi to those sitting in the shop and hanging around, but few were interested in talking. So we lingered for a bit, then continued down the street. When we got to the block with 7-11, I noticed a cop car was in the middle of the street, blocking traffic and pedestrians. Down the street a bit several more cop cars were parked by 7-11 with their lights flashing. The officer at his car instructed us not to go down the street for at least 10-15 more minutes.

"What's going on down there?" I asked him.

"Robbery suspect," he replied simply. Came to find out about 30 minutes later after we'd been able to get through and had been hanging out for a while that apparently there'd been a robbery by someone with a gun, of someone parked in the parking lot. Antquan commented that the crime always seems to go up the closer we get to Christmas. Great.

The rest of the night, as last week, didn't quite go according to plan, but then again how often does it? Though no bible study actually took place, mostly due to lack of people, some cool conversations ended up taking place. A guy I mentioned last week who had kind of stumbled into our service before it got interrupted, ended up back in the area for work and heading straight to talk to us. Once again, Jeremiah was able to talk to him for a long time, bonding over some of their shared stories and experiences. Though nothing incredibly deep was talked about, it was a valuable time of building a relationship and opening that door to us and The Refuge wide open...where inevitably the door to God will be wide open. Sometimes not talking about spiritual things feels like we might have missed an opportunity. But I think that so often jumping straight there without even knowing a person can be more damaging. When you've built rapport and trust, then real and meaningful conversation comes much easier and a person is much more willing to listen.

Which seemed to be the theme for the night. While Antquan talked to a somewhat mentally-unstable guy who often joins us (wearing a Dodgers uniform, no less), I ended up chatting with 3 security guards. They work down the street, doing security for the area, and I'd met one of them before and we'd had some brief conversations. People on both teams have relationships with several of the security officers. They rarely come hang out at our bible study, although we often get brief conversations with them elsewhere...mostly because they're always working and can't stay and hang around. But for whatever reason that night, the 3 of them who had just started their shift didn't seem to have anywhere else to be. So they joined us for pizza, and since an official bible study never happened, they stayed until around 1am. It's possible if we'd done bible study they would have left...and it's times like these that it's better that dump our plans and be available to what God's doing right in front of us.

Though our conversation never turned particularly spiritual either, we had a good 30-45 minutes of interaction, of getting to know each other, laughing, and building relationship that I know will be easily built on in the near future. In fact, right at the end I found out that one of them is Muslim, and has had some good chats with Nick about religion. He repeated more than once that it was good talking. He took Antquan's card. And he and the others made sure they knew our names. I felt that it left off at a perfect place to allow me to pick up next week and dive into deeper discussion. Or if not, to just keep getting to know them and build that trust that allows for deeper discussion.

And to top it all off, I'd gotten a chance during some down time to talk with Jorge about his passion to follow God - and everything the bible says, not just some of it. We talked about his experiences in Skid Row recently (witnessing a drive-by, for instance) and how he's hoping to take some of what we do to those streets. His passion just made me that much more excited to serve God and follow wherever he leads me.

I had other down moments to get to know the guys who'd come to videotape what Broken Hearts does for a promo. The giving of their time, interest in what we do, and fact that they stayed out until around 4am hearing stories and recording showed me that they are passionate about God's work as well...and hopefully those are more relationships that will continue.

I heard a sermon recently from Chris Barksdale at the Hollywood Church wherein he mentioned that if you don't like people or being around people..well, now I'm forgetting exactly what he said. But essentially that it's something wrong with us or our need to separate ourselves and not how we were created. I can't agree 100% because for us introverts, we legitimately can't be around people all the time. And yet, for someone who is (or was) really introverted, I find myself enjoying and craving more and more time with people. Especially those that are walking through this life pursuing Christ and trying to model him. I rarely get tired of my brothers and sisters and would rather be with them than alone almost all of the time. God made us relational. So from those in BH to those on the street that couldn't be more opposite, every conversation is a blessing and moment to be seized and treasured.

You Never Know What's Gonna Happen

2009-10-25T16:48:00.000-07:00

Interrupted bible studies. Lack of engagement. Violent crime on the street. For some reason, whenever there's a small group of us on the street, you never know what's going to happen. I can head out to Broken Hearts pumped about what's going to happen and how we're going to see God move. And when I see a circle of just 4, 5, or 6 of us, I get a little deflated. Not because the Holy Spirit can't use just a few, or that we're unable to accomplish as much with a small group. Maybe it's lack of energy from each other or just a weird vibe that comes from feeling outnumbered by the darkness...but it seems that very often when just a few of us show up to minister, all bets are off. Of course sometimes that small group can be unique to minister specially to one or two people and really have deep conversation. Last night, that was not the case.

We met up in the Del Taco parking lot as usual to find only 5 of us there, and right about then it started to feel weird for me. The streets seemed quiet and it was one of those "what's going to happen tonight?" nights. We briefly spoke to "Jay", a guy who's met several of the Friday nighters and some of our team, but he didn't want to join us for prayer because he'd been smoking weed. So we prayed and then headed out to the corners where eventually more and more people started showing up. I saw a few familiar faces that I hadn't seen in a while, including one who was actually excited to see me. One who, just a few months ago, would barely talk to us. He even asked if we were having bible study and said he'd be there.

We lingered around the donut shop for a while, observing and praying and trying to decide who to talk to or whether to walk around. There weren't a lot of people we knew and it seemed several people were busy with transactions of some sort. So after some quick hellos to various people, we walked a few feet where a man standing by himself said hi and asked what we were up to.

We stopped and talked to Luis for a while. I couldn't really tell you what the conversation was about, because after about the first 3 minutes, nothing made sense. He said he liked church and would want to come to our bible study at one point, later deciding he didn't want to come this time. Jeremiah and I politely listened to him, trying to follow along, but his thoughts were incoherent and unrelated from one point to the next. We asked if we could pray for anything before leaving and he just said to offer a praise of 'hallelujah'. So we bid him a good night and set off for The Refuge service.

Once there, we met up with the rest of the group plus Jay, who had come back for bible study, and one other guy who was sitting on the sidewalk. I met him, but didn't get a chance to talk to him; but according to Jorge, his thoughts weren't particularly coherent either and apparently he'd just gotten done shooting up. Jeremiah started talking to a guy who was getting out of his car, probably to go to 711, and ended up talking to him until we started bible study before he had much of a chance to leave. :)

Though the night had picked up some and didn't feel so quiet anymore, the conversations were a bit odd because of the mental conditions of those we met.

Then, about 10 minutes into Jere's talk, some commotion started to arise on the street in front of us. 3 young men ran and jumped in the car parked next to us, squealing out of the parking lot amongst shouts and people beginning to swarm; nearly hit Antquan's car as they drove over the curb onto Santa Monica Blvd and away as fast as they could. Quickly, more yelling and ruckus caused commotion on the sidewalk, and more and more people began to congregate to see what had happened. Antquan had been keeping somewhat of an eye on the situation, sensing from when he'd seen the car (which looked stolen) parked there, that something was up as he watched the guys hanging out on the sidewalk while 2 others sat inside the car.

So his first thought was that it was drug deal gone bad and someone had been stabbed. Jay, who had left bible study and ended up in the middle of the chaos, came back shortly and filled us in on what'd happened. Apparently the guys had tried to steal a car nearby, and the owner of the car caught them. Getting caught, they somehow had the steering wheel of the car and hit him over the head with it, then took off, leaving him on the sidewalk, bleeding. Jay had stayed with the guy until the ambulance came and took him away. Several other police cars arrived, and our bible study was officially over as a helicopter flew over head and it was all we could focus on. We prayed briefly, again because focusing was so hard, and ended up hanging around for a while to help police with details and their reports.

Strange night overall. One of those that, after things calmed down, and after we handed out our leftover pizza to our other friends on the street, we were just trying to process all that had happened. The night felt weird from the beginning and just got worse, ending with that reminder that this is dangerous territory...but also that we need to be here for that exact reason.

Sowing in tears, reaping with joy

2009-10-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

Broken Hearts often refers to our ministry (and often our lives in general) as being a 'link in the chain'. For any Christian, at various times in non-believers lives, we plant seeds, we water, we sow...but God ultimately gives the increase in his way, his time, and in his power. Getting to be a part of any step in the process is a privilege...but I'd say few of us enjoy the sowing as much as we do the reaping. The reaping is exciting and faith-building and 'glamorous'. Being a link in the chain of that process just doesn't have the same hype or recognition. It's not always clear that God's at work, that our obedience to share Him is even doing anything.

It can be downright discouraging. If people ask about your ministry and you can name the number of people on one hand who've come to know Christ in several years, it seems to leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth of the person asking. When donors give to an organization, they aren't particularly inspired to give to a ministry who can't show numbers of lives changed or quantify impact.

More than once (or twice... or ten times), I've asked "what am I doing? What are we doing out here?" We see people take big steps towards change or towards Jesus, and then see them relapse into their old lifestyle...and it all feels pointless. But God will often do something major after those occurrences that leave me humbled and pretty embarrassed when I realize he was at work the whole time - I just couldn't see...and I was questioning him and his sovereignty!

God knows what he's doing, and if he wants us to be the middle man in the process of a man or woman coming to know him, then that's up to him. We just have to be faithful. But when we actually get to see someone through the process and see the end result...well, words can hardly describe how exciting that is! In fact, because we don't get this opportunity too often, when it happens it's almost hard to believe. Seeing someone change so drastically is nothing short of a miracle.

Ok...that was a long intro to the real story behind those thoughts that arose in my mind today. I went up to Hollywood today to attend church with Antquan and our friend 'Ravi' (which is another story for another time, but he's one who's being discipled daily and getting his life on track and quite the encouragement to me as well as our team). 'Jake' had planned on coming to church, but everyone in their rehab program had been put on restriction and he was unable to leave. So instead I went to visit him after church.

I've only talked to him/seen him a handful of times since he entered rehab. But each conversation astounds me. Especially when I think back to the day I first met him. In fact, as we chatted today in the outside patio/garden area of the home, he referred to that day saying, "I was drawn to you that first day we met. There was something compelling about you guys. And luckily I was still sensitive enough to that..I was hard on the outside, but I was still soft inside." The context of that was that God had saved him before he'd gone too far down the path of drug addiction and prostitution, and his background in the church made him curious and sensitive to God's spirit working through us.

The rest of the conversation was about his deepening relationship with God, his prayer life, about his past and family history that had brought him to the place of drug-dependence; tears over the pain that he was learning to deal with. He said he's starting to tear down his walls and become softer and more real, and that the guys in the house are seeing him change. He said after talking with me on the phone the other day something had changed and he'd started to acknowledge some of his issues. He noted that he's the only person in the house not taking meds and attributes it to his relationship with God which is giving him peace and allowing him to heal and deal with those issues rather than medicate them. And that he hopes the guys will see that difference in him and want to know about it. He talked about God having a plan for him, pondered about doing ministry in some way again one day, and about the opportunity to try everything the world has to offer which has brought him back around to realizing that none of it compares to God.

And that's all just a portion of our recent conversations. The words that come out of his mouth with no prompting are amazing; his vulnerability and willingness to get help are inspiring, and I'm getting to see God's work first hand...changing a man day-to-day for His glory.

He even told me that no one in the program is allowed to engage in any sexual behavior, either, and so they're all required to practice celibacy and restraint while living in a gay community. At first I was slightly disappointed about the fact that he was entering a gay/transgender rehab program (and there are still issues to be concerned about with that, of course), but never realized how even that might be a blessing for him. He's required to function there like God would require of him in normal life. If he has homosexual desires, God will either change him or help him to refrain from those desires as he's sanctified. And in a secular, gay rehab, he's practicing how he'll have to live when he gets out.

The sweet, thoughtful, focused young man is much different from the tweaked-out, hardened individual whose apathy and self-destruction once brought me to that angry, question-asking place of "What are we doing, God?! What are YOU doing?!"

Apparently God knew what he was doing. And graciously allows me to still be a part of it...while changing me in this process as well. :)

"When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion, we were like those who dream.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter and our otngue with joyful shouting; then they said among the nations,

"The Lord has done great things for them."

the Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.

Restore our captivity, O Lord, as the stream in the south.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.

He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him." ~ Psalm 126

Part 2 - Thursday Night

2009-10-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Below I posted another BHer's story from last night. To expand on that and share my experience of last night, I'm going to start off from when we walked across the street to the donut shop where several guys and a few girls were hanging out by the bus stop...

I was happy to see 'Art', who last week and come to bible study and actually talked for a bit. I'd asked him what he does down here and he dodged my question and took off last week. This week he told me that he comes down for regular clients, and that he's been prostituting for 3 months. I didn't realize it had been so little time that he'd been doing that. He said that prior he'd come down to hang out, smoke weed, kick it with friends, but wasn't 'doing business' at that time. But after a stint in jail and a crazy-expensive ticket from an accident and a suspended license, he'd started out here to make easy money. We actually had a pretty good talk (not only about Urban Outfitters and discounted designer shoes) but about how quickly this area can bring people down and put them in a cycle of drugs/prostitution/jail/etc. I tried my best to convey how badly he needed to finish his GED (which he's almost done with), get a job and get out of this area before it sucks him in completely. He responded, "you're speakin truth, girl, and I appreciate that."

A bit later we all headed down to service together...much of the group excited about it, the rest coming along as a result of nothing better to do. (see post below for more bible study details). Afterward, we broke up into groups as we always do. I was with a girl (a real girl) named Diamond, a guy who goes by Fresh, and another girl I'd never seen before but who knew them both. After a while, Charlie joined our group and the lively discussion about how stupid both Samson and Delilah were (at least that was their take, that they both seemed to be a disgrace to their genders). It was an interesting dynamic, because Diamond grew up basically being beat over the head with the bible by her grandma, and Fresh knew almost nothing about it except that he'd always felt condemned by Christians for being gay/bi-sexual. It opened the door for a lot of truth-sharing, setting the record straight about misunderstandings, and getting to share more of who God is and why we need him.

I was so energized by the conversation with Fresh, because if you look below, this was the guy in the blue baseball cap. He hadn't even really wanted to come, but as we discussed, he was so tuned into the conversation. Even when distractions abounded, he kept focused and kept going with the conversation. Even when his friends all headed off to the donut shop and asked him if he wanted to come, he kept telling them no and that he'd hang out with us a while longer!

We went off on some tangents and some things went undiscussed that would have been really good to clear up, but we still got the chance to share a lot with him. He told us he was glad he'd come and would definitely come back next week...and that he didn't feel that same marginalization that he'd felt at churches before. I also invited him to come to church with us on Sunday and he said he might. But he did want to take a bible and get a chance to read it for himself to see what it actually said. Please pray that he'd come back next week and would continue to have an open heart and mind to Christ.

Enthusiasm for a Parking Lot Church - Part 1 of Thursday Night

2009-10-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Guest post from a fellow Broken Heart member, Jeremiah Jenkins.

Last week, while hanging out on the streets of Hollywood with Broken Hearts, I met a real woman who calls herself Essence. (Many of the "women" we meet on the street are actually transgenders and transvestites.) I had just invited Jamal, a very familiar face, to our church service when Essence overheard and, with an attitude, exclaimed "You aren't going to church!" Jamal and a few others from the street walked to the church service with us. Essence stayed behind. Apart from the power of the Holy Spirit, I can't explain why Essence actually came to the parking lot where we meet for church service a few minutes later, on her own. She looked very out of place and bewildered as we passed out pizza and welcomed people into conversation. She reluctantly accepted a slice of pizza and then stayed for the message about "Playing the Victim" (the story of the man healed at the Pool of Bethesda and the story of Paul, Silas and the Jailor in Macedonia).

Last night, I spotted Essence in the Del Taco right after I arrived. When we made eye contact, she didn't recognize me immediately and had a look of disinterest. Then her face exploded into a smile as she figured out who I was and exclaimed, "Is there church tonight?!" When I told her that there was and that I was telling another story, she turned to the four or five friends who were with her and announced with enthusiasm, "I'm going to church tonight!"

Some time passed and Essence and her friends headed across the street to the donut shop where the dealers and prostitutes tend to gather. Meanwhile I met with the other Broken Hearts members outside the Del Taco. We always pair up (groups of 2 or 3, at least 1 male and 1 female) before heading out to the street. I was grouped with Holly and Jen Price. I spotted Essence and a few other familiar faces hanging out at the bus stop as soon as we crossed the street and so we engaged them in conversation. All but one person from this crowd dispersed almost as soon as we got there (presumably because they felt that we Christians threatened their fun and/or business), but they almost all came back eventually as Holly and Jen easily made everyone feel comfortable by talking about fashion and such with one (and eventually several) of the gay men. (Essence was one of the people that left for a moment, but only to get some food.) After a while, it was almost as though everyone in this hodgepodge group were old friends.

When midnight came around, we invited everyone around us to come to church with us. Essence and at least one other person eagerly accepted our invitation and began to follow us toward the Refuge (that's what we call our church). The others weren't so sure but several had grown so comfortable with us that they just kind of followed along. It helped that Essence and the other person were so enthusiastic. One of these reluctant people was a gay man who wore a blue Dodger hat. I loved it when, on the way to the Refuge, this man said aloud, "I can't believe that I am going to church right now. I so don't belong here." I was equally delighted when he was shocked to learn that the Refuge takes place in a parking lot. He was expecting pews or something. :) Last night's message was about the Power of Sex (the story of Samson and Delilah). After the sermon, Jen Price, Trang, and I were put in a group with Essence. We discussed the story, how it relates to us, past and present, and more. Essence was very involved in the conversation. When Jen asked Essence what she would like prayer for, she let us know that she expects to get her own apartment soon and that she just wants it to happen, for real, smoothly and quickly. I would like us to pray that she maintains this enthusiasm to hear God's word. I would also like us to pray for more people like Essence, people who are so enthusiastic about attending Refuge that others from the street confidently follow to the Refuge and to God.

-by Jeremiah Jenkins

Updates

2009-09-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a good past few weeks in LA.

Though 'Jake' was accepted to rehab, he wasn't able to go in as soon as he'd hoped. So for almost a week we waited to hear from him, as he waited to hear from the program to see if he could get in. I kept my phone nearby every day waiting to hear what was happening, but never knew when I'd get a phone call or from what number, because his phone was disconnected. It was difficult to hear day after day that he couldn't get in when he was holding on with all that he had to try and stay sober. 

Yet it was also a chance to experience what it's like to be the church for someone in need. Thursday night he stayed with us the whole time we were out on the streets, just trying to stay clean and keep his mind off of drugs. When we saw him he said, "oh thank God you're here. I was so upset that I couldn't get into rehab, but I knew if I could just wait until you all got out here then everything would be okay."

Antquan and Lorena graciously gave him a bed that night and a place to avoid temptation. He stayed there for a few days, they attended some meetings with him and did bible studies. Every chance I got, he and I would talk and I'd try to offer any encouragement possible, just wishing I could be in Hollywood to help him out. It's amazing to see people giving of their time and comfort and personal space in order to serve someone...otherwise known as living the way God tells us to in the bible. Concern for Jake was greater than any concern for myself for just a few days (amazing, because I'm a pretty selfish person)...and because I couldn't be in LA, I had no hesitation in sending him to Antquan and Lorena and knowing they would help him out. The support they were able to give him was no small thing. They cared more for him than for themselves while he was struggling, and that may have made all the difference.

Antquan took him to rehab on Tuesday and has been talking to him sporadically since. Today, Michelle and I were able to join him at rehab for a bbq the place was putting on. We were all so excited to see each other, and seeing him running down the street towards us to give us hugs brought me so much joy. 

We spent the next few hours hanging out with him in what felt like a scene from the musical Rent. His rehab is specifically for gay and transgender individuals...and they know how to put on a party! Clean and sober, the food was amazing, the performers were over-the-top, and the DJ kept the fun, LOUD, pop music going the whole time, inspiring spontaneous dancing in all directions. 

Though incredibly entertaining and fun, there was also a bitter-sweetness to the spectacle as it's obvious that - while they may be sober - there is still much hurt and pain and difficult that they've gone through and are still going to have to work through. That's when I'm so grateful for God, because how can you ever get over that stuff and find hope and redemption for your life without him? Sobriety may be great, but unless we've surrendered our lives to Christ, we will never be healed or complete. 

So it was great to hear Jake talk about how great things were going, how he'd been reading Psalms, and how he really wanted to go to church. We thought we were going to have to wait a while to take him to church with us, but he should be able to go this week! And that was what he sounded most anxious for.

In addition to God's work there, we also had several nights in Hollywood of busy streets and full bible studies. We had an Exposure Night, so back-to-back nights for me. But we've had at least 5 people at our last few bible studies, including some guys who rarely come. This past Thursday we had 'J' and another guy I met around the time I met Jake...who we'll call 'Art'. He's generally pretty high and uninterested in bible study, but he was particularly mellow this week and stayed for all of bible study. And J brought some friends with him who'd been before and remembered me when I barely even remembered them. We spent a lot of time in discussion after the message getting to know them and talking about being healed by Christ.

We also had our team meeting and got to brainstorm more about coffee shop ideas, t-shirts to come soon, and our additional night of prayer ministry on Friday nights. And praise God for answering Nick's prayers to have more, committed individuals coming out on Friday night. That team is growing with men and women who want to give more.

Our God is Mighty to Save!

2009-09-17T10:25:00.000-07:00

God is faithful! Even when I doubt....

This past Sunday, I picked up our friend 'Jake' for church at his request. He almost didn't make it. I woke him up with my phone call Sunday morning to make sure he was coming, and he was so tired he didn't want to come. When he found out I was only coming up to take him, he decided to come. He had to rush, but ended up making it, despite his desire to just stay home and rest. As it turned out, he loved church, enjoyed the people and message and recognized God's working in his life. He thanked me for taking him and was glad he'd come, even though he hadn't wanted to...

Last night I got a phone call from Jake. He excitedly told me about how he'd gotten a grant to go to rehab and that he'd be entering today after he got logistics worked out. He's nervous about it, scared about the huge step that he'll be taking and commitment he's making, but couldn't stop saying how excited he was.
He's already been clean for about three weeks, so I reminded him he could do this and he would make it through those 90 days. He admitted he wanted to party one last time, but knew he couldn't because he'd said that before and never committed to rehab. This time he wasn't going to go back down that road.

He told me about how God has been SO present in his life this week; how he's not doing any of this on his own, how he's trusting God and trying to put his faith into action. He cannot deny the power and presence of God and is so excited about it. He said he's never been this close to God in his whole life, even growing up in the church, and that he's never trusted him this much. And when he gets out of his 90 day rehab, he wants to get plugged into the Hollywood Church because he enjoyed it so much when he was there. He said he wants to dive into the word and spend time reading scripture; he proclaimed God's faithfulness and patience and that He's never given up on him. He said some of his friends at the AA meetings and help centers he's been going to see how far he's already come and are asking how, and how they can get there. In his own words, Jake talked about laying down his will and agenda for God's.

He also went on to give huge encouragement to the work God is doing through Broken Hearts...how it was appointed by God that he met us and connected instantly and that if it weren't for us he probably wouldn't have made these choices. He was talking about how many people are just a mess down there and that we need to keep doing what we're doing because God's using us. At least for me, no matter how many times I tell myself that, I often doubt if God's really doing as much as I'd like to hope. Hearing that was just crazy proof that it matters what we are doing...that we are having a profound impact through the power of Christ.

He said that we're so genuine and that you never see the church go down there to be with people...and that the people on the street recognize that and know we're for real. He just gave so much glory to God for what has happened through us to change him and encouragement to keep doing this work becuase it matters. And he thanked me profusely for all we've done to help him. He was crying...I was crying...it was amazing :)

God has completely answered our prayers for Jake...as well about my own prayers about confirming my vision to be in Hollywood doing this full time one day.

Please pray that entering rehab today would go smoothly, that there would be no obstacles, and that God would protect him from Satan's attacks as he's getting so fired up about changing and surrending his will to Christ. Pray for his sobriety and that he would continue to seek strength and comfort from Christ alone.

Another Link in the Chain

2009-09-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Another quiet night in Hollywood. Very few people out on the street, especially considering that it's Summertime, when the warm weather normally brings out the masses. But the conversations we did have were great.

i enjoyed the unique pleasure of walking around with Antquan last night, our director, who normally picks up pizza and sets up bible study while we're out meeting people and bringing them to The Refuge. Antquan is an awesome speaker, which I'm used to because I hear him almost every week. But I forget how amazing he is relationally as well. God has uniquely blessed him with this ministry because he can relate to almost anyone and make them feel comfortable quickly. Within moments of passing a random stranger on the street, we had gotten to know each other and were onto the topic of sinners vs. saints. Eric was completely entertained with Antquan and able to enter into a great dialogue with us - and he even remembered me from months and months ago from a guy we used to hang out with out there.

During that conversation our friend 'Jake' showed up, who had gotten a ride out to the are specifically to come see us. He told me it'd been two weeks that he'd been clean, was going to lots of AA meetings, had a place to stay, and was making friends and surrounding himself with people who are sober and clean. Clearly he was doing much better and was very excited about the progress he was making and how much he enjoyed being in control and realizing he doesn't need drugs or alcohol - and feels better without them. He asked if we were having bible study, as well as if I was going to church in Hollywood this weekend because he was anxious to attend both.

Bible study ended up being the two of them and our buddy Bryan, plus our group of 6, so we once again had a pretty casual, small group type of discussion with Antquan speaking about 'fast food prayers' and Isaiah 58. How fasting and praying and going to God when we need him aren't what God asks of us, because if they don't involve our hearts they are meaningless.

Eric, who had been hesitant to even come to bible study, ended up thanking us afterward for being there and for praying with him and talking with him. He acknowledged that God had brought him there and seemed to recognize something spiritual happening in him.

These types of posts seem so simple. As if almost nothing happened out there. Yet these are no small things. We may not see hundreds come to Christ, but we get to assist and watch people as they start recognizing and acknowledging God, discovering truth about him, and finding hope and freedom in him. We get to see people like Jake leave behind the destructive chains of substance abuse, and talk to people like Eric who otherwise would've wandered down the street with no one to talk to on a mission to get booze. And instead they end up hearing the word of God and being moved by it.

I strongly believe in discipleship and not only leading people to accept Christ, but walking alongside them as they discover what that means. Anyone can say they accept him and then walk away if they have no one to help disciple them. But we get to watch people change from week to week and see them become followers of Christ. It's not a fast easy process, but sanctification never is for any of us. I think God has uniquely created our ministry to be a link in the chain - a link to other organizations with more resources, to churches, and on the path to God - whether planting a seed, watering it, or reaping the harvest. What a privilege!

Like the first time

2009-09-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

Nights like this past Thursday fill me with respect and appreciation for the original group of 3-4 that started Broken Hearts. I remember Robin, the girl with the original idea, telling me about opposition they faced in the beginning, how no one wanted to talk to them and how it took a long time to build trust.

Because of their efforts, we now go out confidently on those streets because we've had a presence for so long and people know who we are and even like us. It's not a very intimidating place most of the time because a foundation has been established that we just continue to build on. But I can't imagine how hard that foundation must have been - or must be for others who pave the way for a new ministry. Especially for someone like me that isn't as bold or confident in these types of situations.

All that to say, this Thursday felt almost like one of our first times on the street. There were only four of us out, and nearly every face we encountered was unfamiliar. And the people we did know weren't interested in talking. It seemed to be one of those nights that the strongholds were even stronger and more compelling to those caught up in their lure. It was all about getting business or a fix on the corner of Santa Monica and Highland, and we were just standing in the way of their goals.

We attempted many unsuccessful conversations in and around the donut shop to little or no avail (aside from the guy on the corner with a cardboard sign with writing all over it about Queen Elizabeth needing to retire and a play he was in with tickets costing $3000. He chatted with us for a while.)

Inside of Donut Time, I saw one guy sit down by himself in a booth who I hadn't met before and looked like maybe he was trying to avoid some of the chaos around us. So I approached his table and said, "hey, we're having bible study down the street at midnight if you'd like to join us." I'm pretty accustomed to people thinking we're crazy or stupid or naive, but the smirk on his face he was trying to hide was pretty quality. After a bit more small talk and him trying not to laugh at me (or at least that's the way it looked), I just assured him he was welcome to join us if he felt so inclined and moved on. We hung around for a bit longer, attempting to make conversations which all stayed brief, and so we decided to walk down the street to see who else was around or if anyone would come to The Refuge service.

Just a few steps down the street, Derek caught up with us. I turned around, surprised to see who I'd heard Charlie just start talking to. I was 100% sure when I told him he could join us at bible study that he would not show up. People rarely even come when they tell us they will, and he never gave any indication that he was interested.

We bought donuts when we arrived at the spot for bible study, but no one else showed up, even when Jeremiah went to go ask more people if they wanted to come. But the good part of having so few of us there and only Derek at bible study was that we were able to have a more intimate discussion about hope in God that Jeremiah led. We had plenty of time and attention to give to just him. Time to hear his story and share the story of God with him.

He'd moved out here one year and a half ago for Job Corps, and has been homeless since he moved here and without a job as he's going through their schooling program. He believes in God, but isn't sure who God really is and what's truth after hearing various ideas from growing up. And he talked about being tired of the life he was living - homeless, far from his fiance in another part of the country, and simply weary of it all. He was interested in all that we shared and open to the gospel. He asked us for a bible before we left and we were able to give him a new one, as well as invite him to church on Sunday, which he said he'd be interested in.

Though it had been a tough night to start, there was a newness in it beyond just feeling like newbies out on the street. We got to meet someone new and share Christ with someone who had very little religious background and was almost hearing it for the first time. And that kind of novelty never gets old.

Please pray for Derek and for God to reveal himself to him as the one true God and for his eyes and heart to be open!

2009-08-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

Broken Hearts is not a large ministry or complicated non-profit operation, but even for us, being able to simplify and go about things in a more casual, informal manner can be very refreshing.

A few weeks ago we began praying for an hour before we head out to the streets at Antquan's apartment, now that he lives there. Most of our team typically comes, but this week it was just 3 of us. So we shared some prayer requests with each other, talked to Krista who called us from Hong Kong, and then talked some more about things going on in life. By the time we'd finished sharing, we only had a few minutes left to pray. And while that was unfortunate, it was really nice to have that time to catch up with each other and share some of what had been on our minds lately.

Then we headed out to the streets together, where three others met us. Since there were few of us and not too many people out on the street, we decided to go old school and not hold bible study with pizza, but to just hang out and talk with our friends. And if they wanted bible study, then we'd pick up some donuts and do something in a small group fashion. When we got to the donut shop across the street, our friends 'K' and 'J' were there, who we hadn't seen in a while. 'K' didn't look too great, and she told me she'd just gotten out of jail. Apparently her boyfriend 'J' had been in as well. We also saw Brendan, who had let us take him to Victory Outreach a few weeks prior, but left shortly after. Some of the other young guys we've been seeing a lot of lately were there as well. Though conversation with some of them has been hard to come by, the relational introvert in me likes seeing the same people each week and not feeling like I have to meet new people every week.

Before I could get into much of a conversation with Brendan or K, my friend Jake showed up, who I've written about several times. Since he left rehab, most of our conversations have been him saying hi and then leaving before we can really say anything. Most likely because he's high when we see him and either feels ashamed or just doesn't want to hear what we have to say.

This time, he approached us and was ready to chat. One of my first impressions was that he looked good - pulled together, clean, sober...

We spent the rest of the evening with him, hearing that he was staying at a local shelter, doing outpatient rehab and AA meetings, and (except for one slip up) had been clean for 5 days. That particular night he'd gotten into an argument with one of the girls on staff and hadn't wanted to stay there that night, so he was out on the boulevard. The temptations he might face there worried me, but he hung out with us the whole night and was anxious for bible study (although we didn't have one but just hung out as he got to know some of the Biola students who had returned.

The others met a few people at Magee's Donuts and we fellowshiped in there over some donuts. Jake agreed to join me at Hollywood Church the following week and expressed interest in joining the guys' bible study that Jorge is leading.

The following evening I went out with one of the RockHarbor 'GO trips' where we once again had a laid back night on a fairly quiet street. Before I went out I prayed that I wouldn't see Jake (because that would mean he once again wasn't at the shelter for the night) and that we'd see K and J again. I'd been thinking about her more and wanted to get the chance to talk.

And lo and behold, as soon as we hit the donut shop I saw J and he told me where K was. After a few minutes of talking with him, we headed to find K at the liquor store. She was trying to buy alcohol but frustrated that the owner wouldn't sell to her since she is only 20. She was a little distracted by her mission when she saw us, but she ended up wanting to hang out and when I introduced her to one of the guys out from RH, she told him, "this is my church sister" as she put her arm around me and took off down the street. We ended up back at the donut shop, and sat there for about 30 minutes. K had her arm around me the whole time as we caught up and talked about why the two of them are back out getting into trouble, when the previous night she'd asked us to pray for her that she'd stay out of trouble. J is a bit harder to talk to, but he shared a bit with me here and there as I asked...you know, in between making drug sales as we sat there....

I also invited them to Hollywood Church, and they seemed to express some interest. Hopefully I will see them again next week and be able to suggest a time and place to meet and get them to come.

The rest of the evening we chatted with a guy in Magee's donuts about his life and things he'd seen and experienced in LA. Luckily, this was a chance for the RockHarbor folks to join in more on the conversation since K hadn't been very interested in getting to know them and they hadn't been able to participate in conversation.

Please pray for Jake, K, and J and the spirit's work in their lives.

2009-08-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Last night in Hollywood was a pretty eventful evening. To start, it was Krista's last night for a year, because she is moving to Hong Kong to teach for the next 11 months. It's a sad loss to Broken Hearts, as Krista was one of the very first people in Broken Hearts and begin ministry in this new territory. She's been faithful in coming for the last five years, rarely missing a night.

We started out in Del Taco, where she could say good-bye to our security guard friend. Also inside were 'Frank' and Naomi, people that we see almost every week. Last week when I'd talked to him, he told me they broke up (which was a very good thing). This time they were sitting together looking like they were having a serious conversation. When we went over to talk to them, we found out they'd been fighting (physically and verbally), because Frank had blood on his shirt. In case I haven't mentioned before, Frank is a straight guy, who has strong feelings for Naomi, a transsexual, even though he normally dates females only. I guess the fights are a little different when both people are actually guys and capable of fist fighting each other.

As I talked more with Frank (who looked horrible), I found out his appearance was partially due to smoking crystal meth over the past 4 days to stay awake at night so he could watch out for Naomi and be around him. Frank deals, but doesn't normally smoke anything beside weed. Which really worried me because he's one of the few people who isn't completely messed up by drugs already and has a good head on his shoulders. And one who comes to bible study every week, knows God, and seems to be taking steps forward in getting closer to God. So, as usual, we talked about the need for him to get out of Hollywood and to stop coming and getting in trouble. He said he was going to stop smoking meth, because he hated how he felt, so please pray that he stops before he's addicted.

He and several others came with us to bible study - 2 girls and 2 guys with them, all very friendly and showed more interest in us and our bible study than I'm used to. After the bible study I had time to get to know the girls better and it seems that they both know God, but are struggling in some areas. One was very quiet, but the other shared a lot about her life, her 6 kids, her desire to go back to school and do something better with her life (she'd prostituted in the past and I have a feeling wasn't just out there to hang out). We all prayed together at the end, and both of them actually prayed for each other and me, which rarely happens. People at the bible study are often too uncomfortable or intimidated to pray, so it was a good experience to all lift each other up.

'Ravi' and Bryan also came out, as they do every week. Gary, an older gentleman we met a few weeks ago showed up as well and told me afterwards that he makes a point, no matter how far he is, to come every Thursday and Friday because he wants to be around Christians more and he needs more of our 'magic' (which I'd say was a way of referring to the light and joy of the holy spirit). He expressed how he wishes he could be around Christians all week because he's wrapped up in so much bad stuff all week. He said he tells everyone that I saved him - or something like that - because I was the first one who met him and invited him to bible study. Since then i haven't talked to him too much, but he's gotten to know other people on our team as well.

After that I also saw Jose, who has been gone for 6 months. He's one of the first people I ever met in Hollywood, so it was awesome to see him again. But I didn't have too much time to talk with him, except to find out he'd just gotten back from vacation in New York and has a place to stay and a job. Then, I saw 'Alex', who I've written about many times. We didn't have much time to catch up either, and though it was good to see one of my favorite people, it's always frustrating to see him back out prostituting.

Overall, a lot of conversations and a lot of old, familiar faces. And the more time I spend with these people and get to know them, the more I just want to be living in Hollywood and investing more time and energy into their lives as they pursue hope and purpose and something better. We're there to show them what that something better is, and they know...but the more time we can spend in their daily lives, I hope that they will see God more and more and when they're finally ready to turn to him, we'll be there to walk with them.

My broken heart - for/because of the broken-hearted

2009-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

4 stabbings in the Hollywood area on Thursday night. Our friend 'Jake' was back out on the street, on meth, and ignoring us. Some of the other younger guys who often hang out with us were rolling joints when we got to the donut shop and also dodging our attempts to talk to them. Ricky brushed me off when I told him I had come up the past Sunday to take him to church and he didn't show.

That street was filled with many teary eyes that night from our team. Several people who had come out to our exposure night have expressed that you can almost feel the presence of Satan here. That something about this place just seems to have such a satanic grip on it, unlike many other places.

At least for me, it was a very discouraging night. I was no longer rejoicing in a visit from Big Mama and her son (our nephew, as she always says). Or the great conversation i had with a kid named Julian who came to bible study. Instead I was just frustrated over the disappointments, and burdened with a feeling like our presence there was useless; and a feeling of "God, if you want us here, why aren't you doing anything. USE US! Change their hearts! What's the point otherwise??! Are we crazy for being here?"

I read the first 3 chapters of Jeremiah the next day, seeking wisdom and comfort in the weeping profit who loved the people and city and had to pronounce destruction on and resonated greatly with it.

Then yesterday I was listening to a sermon on Hell, and on all that Jesus went through for us because he loved us. And it made me think of what a perfect picture he is of loving people, sacrificing for us, and giving everything he had and was for people who still rejected him; for people who are still rejecting him. He knew exactly how we'd respond to his ultimate sacrifice and love, and yet still chose to live and die the way he did.

I don't know why God allows us to pursue people and love them and go share his love with them, only to be rejected. I don't know why he doesn't just change their hearts and cause them to respond. I don't know why he relentlessly pursued us, knowing that few would actually love him back and give their life back to him in return. But I do know he has a perfect plan. I know he operates in ways I don't understand. And I do understand, that, as J.Vernon McGee says: "This is God's Universe and he does things His way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe!"

And as tempting as it can be to turn my back on the whole thing and go where there seems to be more of a harvest, I know that I feel called here and simply can't leave these people drowning in the darkness.

I'll just sum up with some help from one of my favorite singers, Ginny Owens:

He could have prospered in the suburbs
Instead of working for the poor
Down at the inner-city mission
Where there's so much disappointment and very few rewards.

For every victory there's a failure
On these harsh and empty streets
But if you ask what keeps him going
He'll say, "I know where I'd be if Christ had given up on me"

Beneath the symbol of a lost cause
Is where I take my stand.
Beneath the emblem of a Roman cross
of a Sacrificial Lamb.
Cause love never claims the victory
Till it finally gives it's all.
And that's why the grave is empty
Beneath the symbol of a lost cause.

I've been a slave to popular opinions,
And I've memorized the Gospel of success,
I've had a taste of the politics of power
And the glamour that commands the world's respect.
But when my eyes are turned to Jesus,
Nailed on a Cross to die for me,
I hear a cock crow in the distance
And it shatters my illusions and drives me to my knees

Where the last and the least meet the Prince of their Peace,
Where the humble are honored and the hungry come to feast-
Beneath the symbol of a lost cause.

* Jake called me the following Saturday to apologize and talk more about his desire for rehab and spiritual growth. There's hope yet. My spirit was greatly lifted during that conversation..and God's still working when we can't see...

To whom shall we go?

2009-07-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

...On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life... You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I don't think that people should only come to Christ when they have nowhere else to turn - he is far more mighty and holy than that. But at the same time, the saying, "when God is all you have, you realize that God is all you need" holds very true for many people. When we have other things to turn to, other idols, dreams and desires we'd rather pursue - or just don't want to face the hard teachings of Jesus - it's hard to recognize our need for God. His power and greatness can be watered down by these other things we put our hope in. Ultimately, where else are we going to go when these idols prove empty and helpless to us? He has the words of eternal life. He is love and goodness and grace when the flesh fails - why go elsewhere?

I was reminded of how true this is in Broken Hearts last night (and why we're called Broken Hearts!) I talked to 'Jake', who basically said these exact things. He has absolutely no where to go, he has no possessions but the clothes on his back, and absolutely nothing to lose if he leaves his current life behind.

I wrote about Jake 2 weeks ago, who was surrendering to Christ and wanting to get into rehab. Last week we saw him back out in Hollywood, high and going clubbing and acting like nothing had happened the previous week. And sadly, this happens ALL the time. We think someone's changing, but they're just not ready, or something keeps dragging them down. I was so discouraged by him and others that evening, it didn't even seem worth another blog post.

Last night we saw him again. My first thoughts were that it would be the same. That, high on meth, he wasn't ready; that we'd talk about serious things, but he wouldn't change. But as we got to talking, he explained how his boyfriend had stolen everything - all of his money and credit cards and he had nothing left. He was hopeless and planned to just find a retail job and figure something out for himself.

Half-heartedly I said, "well if you want to go to Set Free (a Christian rehab program we'd told him about) we can always take you there. It would be a place to stay, rehab, they'd provide all you need..."

"Sure," he replied, sounding defeated. "Why not. I'll do anything." I wasn't quite sure how serious was, but I let him know that when we got to the bible study I'd ask Antquan if he would be able to take Jake that night. (Set Free is in Cabazon, about 2 hours away).

For a while we hung out on the street corner, talking to several other young guys we see often. I told one of his friends that has been hanging out with us recently that we were going to take him to rehab, and he replied, "he's not gonna go. He says that all the time and never goes. I've tried to take him." I knew it was possible that he was right, but chose not to believe it at that moment. When we got to the bible study, I asked Antquan about driving him there, and he called Set Free as we got ready for bible study to let them know he wanted to bring someone. Apparently they were hesitant to take someone in so late at night, but agreed.

I went back to Jake and asked him if he was actually ready. If he really wanted to go if we were going to take him, ready to change. He said that he was, so we went over some of the rules, checked if he was on probation or parole or anything else that could hinder his acceptance to the program. Talked about how it's set up and what would be expected. Everything checked out, and he asked, "It's a Christian place, right? I need that support and discipleship." I gladly told him yes, they would disciple him and he'd be surrounded by Christians to walk with him.

After the study, we spent time talking with the group of guys who had come, as well as Jukka's friend (who we were introduced to like this: "This is 'Kathy'. She's a real girl.") She had quite the story as well - 16, homeless, pimped out when she arrived in Hollywood, and recently ended a pregnancy. (and yes, this stuff is happening all over our cities. Not just the 'bad' areas or overseas in notoriously sketchy and lawless places).

So around 1:45, Jake said good-bye to her, as well as us, and climbed into Antquan's car. After driving 'Kathy' to wherever she was staying that night, I headed home with deep joy in my heart. I prayed and praised God as I drove, seeing God bring Jake to such brokenness that he'd surrendered.

Today I got a text from Antquan that he'd checked Jake in at 3:40 a.m., and that in 2 weeks we'll be able to go visit him. For some reason that extra confirmation that he was actually there and it had worked out was all it took for me to break down and just praise God. I cried as I drove back to work on my lunch break, trying not to return looking like a wreck, but didn't even care. If people asked what was wrong, I would have a great story to tell them!

Until Official Fundraising Begins...

2009-07-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

Let's just be honest - non-profits need money. Reaching the poor and needy and providing for their needs takes funds. And a bunch of college students and post-college young adults who don't have much money can't pay for everything.

But our dreams are much bigger than just providing free food, clothes, blankets, hotel rooms and program costs for people we help in Hollywood. We want a building. We want full-time staff and people living and working in Hollywood with Broken Hearts 24/7 in order to really impact the community in a lasting way. We want a place for people to come and be accepted and get to just hang out and get off the street for the night. A place to build community. To help people find and apply for jobs and work on resumes and job skills. To have our bible study and more small group studies throughout the week.

We're working on the strategy and business plan for this right now, but we all know that we want to do more. If you feel so inclined to help out and provide for some of those needs or help us save money for a building, please visit our PayPal donation page at:

https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=4V07RZ7Dulpewodu5o_CZyXUIwb-ZMalECTgewASpVpjkibcDtuDhD3Aqe0&dispatch=50a222a57771920b6a3d7b606239e4d529b525e0b7e69bf0224adecfb0124e9bdd7275a399ffdb502f5df4e499ae8456865b8168d55fefcd

Divine Appointments

2009-07-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

As many Thursday nights do, this one started slow with few people on the street. I walked around with a new guy who just joined Broken Hearts, showing him 'the ropes' and getting to know each other just a bit. Seeing no one to talk to as we walked to the club and back (our boundary), I suggested we head back to Donut Time where more people might be. On the way we saw Marcus and Ricky, two 20 year-olds; one whom I know well, the other I'd just met last week. They were both very high, making them incredibly pleasant to talk to, yet difficult to maintain conversation with.

Marcus, who hasn't been out on the streets much and has seemed well the few times I've seen him, told me he'd stopped going to school but was planning on going to another one this fall. But overall he didn't seem too concerned with school and instead was much more concerned with clubbing that night. He could use prayers, as Satan is trying to drag him back into that life after he's been doing so well.

After talking to them outside of the donut shop for a while, we followed them inside where some of the team was already hanging out with another teen I'd never seen before. After a few minutes of talking together, Donut Time turned into quite a scene with a few prostitutes I'd met before, including a couple who'd come to bible study last week, a few guys I'd never met, and a few who I'd seen before but didn't really know. "Mama", as some call the owner of the shop, yelled at one of them to get out because he'd stolen from her before. Michelle had her camera and began shooting photos of everyone, posing seductively and silly, making for a fun, light-hearted environment.

After things had calmed down a bit, we got into conversation with 'Jake', a guy from Finland who I'd never seen before. He was interested in us and what we were doing there and it didn't take too long for the conversation to turn to the spiritual. We found out that he had grown up as a Christian, his parents working with YWAM in Europe. He'd moved to LA one year ago to pursue music, as well as the homosexual lifestyle and to figure some things out on his own away from his family. But things had turned out badly for his producer in this economy, and now he's struggling, not able to make his music as he'd hoped, and needs to make money and go back home. He also talked about exploring various religions and still trying to find that something that was missing.

There are some people we meet out there who, for whatever reason, you just develop a great love for. Maybe it's there innocence, or honesty, or a bond over some passion or personality quirk. Jake was one of those people for me. After a short time of talking to him (and maybe it was just the accent and fact that he looked like T.I.), I just liked him and wanted to get to know him more and see him come back to the faith he grew up with.

He was interested in our bible study, so we headed down to 7-11. Once there, he decided he couldn't come. Said he was jittery and didn't feel right about going (was high on meth even though I hadn't even noticed), and after a few minutes of talking, exchanges 'nice meeting you' and some hugs and phone numbers, he took off down the street.

Surprised that he left, we joined Antquan and Jeremiah at our bible study spot where no one else had showed up yet. I wondered if anyone was going to come as we talked to them, and then a big group headed towards us. A few BHers and the crew from the donut shop all walked up, ready for pizza and some Jesus! (ok, maybe just ready for pizza but willing to hear about Jesus). I went with Sergio to go buy some water to go with the pizza and say hi to our friend in 7-11. When we returned, there was Jake!

About 5 of 6 people had shown up for bible study, but I can't even remember who because I just knew I needed to focus on him. Clearly he was there for a reason.

By the end of the bible study and closing prayer, he was in tears. So we got to talking more, and the jist of if, along with some questions and issues we worked through, was that he had bad things happen to him growing up, he saw a lot of hypocrisy, and he'd rebelled and was trying to figure things out, but ultimately, he knew he needed to surrender to God. He just wasn't quite ready, knew he needed to feel or find something or just be ready to change. He knew he needed to go to rehab for his drug addiction and get out of this life. We kind of hit an end to our conversation, which in itself had progressed quite a bit through the night. And I began talking to some other people, mostly with 'Zach'. Krista had been talking to him, and at some point she ended up talking to Jake and I with Zach.

Zach has met our team before, and is dating a transsexual that we know pretty well. I hadn't really talked to him much, and so I learned about his love for weed, dislike of his lifestyle here and how he lives in Compton bust just comes here for his 'girlfriend'. He talked about his desire to change, his desire to change the world and do something like we were doing. About how he believes in God and Jesus but isn't following him in every way. And we had a fairly entertaining conversation about why weed was not meant to be smoked, even though God put it on this earth - not my most successful attempt at an argument, but it was clear to both of us he was just trying to justify his use.

As our conversation got more serious and about him really wanting to change, Krista asked us to all come over and pray for Jake. He'd committed to getting into a rehab program that coming Monday, and knew he needed to give his life back to God. Krista told me later that they'd also talked about his choice of homosexual lifestyle and how he knew what he was doing was wrong and knew he needed to leave that life and didn't feel right about it. After praying over him and making plans to talk on Monday after he got to rehab, he took off for the night, cheerfully and fully ready to change. Seeing the progression he'd made just during that night, how God had spoken to him so clearly and led him to change, was just amazing. And feeling bonded with such a fun guy just made it that much more exciting.

Then Krista turned the tables back onto Zach, who she'd been confronting pretty hard core about his resistance to change when he knew what he needed to do. He recognized that he needed and wanted to break up with his 'girlfriend', but was having a hard time with it because of his very real feelings for 'her'. He said he'd do it and go back to Compton and stay there, since there was nothing else in Hollywood that appealed to him. Though we also realized found out that the guy he was staying with in Compton was a pimp and he helped him out with rides, etc. We talked more about that, how that needed to change, wasn't acceptable, etc. He was still a bit resistant, so we all prayed over him just as we had with Jake. Again, just a nice, great guy to talk to who knew Christ and knew how he needed to surrender his life, but just needed the courage to make that 180.

Our long conversations kept us there until about 2:45 a.m. I didn't get to bed until 4 a.m. But I felt great about it, I went home praying for them and so excited about our encounters and seeing God do similar things in 2 totally different people's lives, and actually feeling used. I pray every week that God will bring us people who are ready to change. This week He did.

Where I Belong

2009-07-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

"I am alive in this moment/ In this moment I am found.
I am alive in this moment/ In this moment I belong" -Starfield

I listened to this song (Alive in This Moment) on the way to work today. A song I've grown fond of for the way it captures emotions and thoughts at various moments. Today I connected with it again, enjoying a moment of worship on my brief, mundane drive on the 57 freeway into work. Listening to that chorus, I reflected back on just a few hours before when I'd been hanging out with people in Hollywood...

See, the purpose of my life is to love God and to love people; to obey him, serve him, and make him known to others. So when I actually live out that purpose of making him known, I also come to know him in a deeper way - and end up feeling more alive; like I belong in that moment, for that purpose.

...It was very quiet on the street last night. We probably walked up and down the block 2 or 3 times before talking to anyone. Then we found a group loitering (and by loitering I mean 'working', whatever form that may take) by the donut shop. Some of our crew was already there with them, but only engaging one or two people, so we jumped in and began some conversations. Anthony, who we've known for a long time was there, so that made it much easier to get into conversations with everyone else. And then I noticed one of the guys had been at our bible study last week, and so he and I ended up talking for a while. Some about why he doesn't go to church, some about how he claimed disability to he could get unemployment because he's tired of working...basically getting to know him and expose some disconnect between his spiritual beliefs in God and his lifestyle.

All 6 of them ended up happily joining us for bible study and pizza (didn't even have to convince any of them, they all wanted to come!) A few others were already at The Refuge location when we got there, chowing down on pizza and getting to know one another. Probably about 8 or 9 people in attendance besides the BH people.

For the next few weeks Antquan is answering questions people have written down on note cards that they want us to answer, so this week's was on guy/girl relationships and friendships and what is and is not okay. Though it dealt mostly with friendship, it ended up focusing primarily on the physical aspect of relationships, which led to some good conversation afterward.

One of the attendees was a drunk homeless guy who laughed through almost the entire service. Clearly distracting for everyone, but Antquan managed to carry on as usual and keep the rest of the group focused.

And I sat next to one of the guys who had been at the donut place, who also laughed through a good portion of the sermon, high on weed and finding life pretty entertaining. I hadn't even tried to talk to him earlier because he was just laughing at everything and I knew a conversation wouldn't go anywhere.

But by the end of the service, he'd mellowed out a bit, and some of us got into a good discussion about relationships and sex and God. He expressed how he couldn't hold out from sex for very long, and we were able to talk about God's rules and plan and why he lays it out the way he does, temptation, marriage, etc. After a good conversation on the topic, what we all thought about believe, Michelle and Trang ventured off to other conversations and it ended up being just TJ and I.

We got to talking more about his beliefs, thoughts regarding the bible and God, and how he thinks he's going to hell, even though he believes in Jesus. Turns out he knows all about Jesus, forgiveness, etc, but thinks he's done too many bad things and is going to hell. He knows he can be forgiven, knows he can accept Jesus' sacrifice and turn and follow him. But he doesn't want to yet. That kind of thing is so discouraging to hear, and yet I really appreciated his honesty to just admit that he didn't want to do what he knew he needed to. He said he thinks about God, but only sometimes and only applies Christian principles to certain areas of his life. That God isn't number one for him, like he should be. He hasn't hit rock bottom yet, hasn't been so broken that he calls out to God. He's still enamored with drugs and sex and worldly 'freedom'.

I continued on with him, explaining following Christ, the gospel, empowering of the Holy Spirit etc. For a while he said, 'yeah, i want that. yeah, yeah, I want to do that, I want to go to Heaven' and so on. But when we got down to needing to confess and repent and let God change him, he said he wasn't ready. He confessed that he's just not ready to make the change he knows he needs to make.For a few brief, very exciting moments, I thought he might surrender to Christ that night. But he honestly admitted he wasn't ready. And while I want him to be, I couldn't and didn't want to force anything. I'd rather see him want Jesus and work through the 'whys' of not being ready, then expect him to pretend and fool him into thinking that praying a prayer will save him for eternity if he has no plans to change the way he's living.

But it was a great conversation. Probably one of the best I've had there. He even stayed after everyone, including his friends, had left. I'm just praying that God moves through that and we see him again and that very soon, TJ will be ready to give his life to following after Jesus.

Because though he's been drug-dealing since he was a teenager, I know he can do so much more. And he can do it with the joy of knowing God in his life!

Our conversation was frustrating at times, I know I was no eloquent, and yet God gave me all the words and courage and boldness that I needed to talk honestly to TJ and really care about his soul. And in that moment, I was truly alive in doing what I was saved to do. I pray for more and more of those types of moments in Hollywood, as well as everywhere my daily life takes me.

07.02.09

2009-07-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

From guest blogger and BH servant extraordinaire, Michelle:

Last week at Broken Hearts was quite special. I actually felt loved amongst the people of the streets. It wasn't I who was going out of my way to love them but I too felt loved in return. Clay, a homeless 16 year old, who I have been seeing reoccuringly for the past 3 weeks, saw me and gave me a huge hug. Then I saw Preston who is 19 and I always felt somewhat kindred to.

Preston and Clay considered themselves "brothers" and it was nice to see that they cared about one another. Preston likes going to the Refuge but Clay hates anything Christian-associated so he obviously wanted NOTHING to do with it even though he was starving and knew there was going to be pizza. He and Preston ended up coming...and staying.

I met John the week before last and he likes to come out to the streets to "observe" not partake. He considers himself a Christian but doesn't want to be preached at. He came out to the Refuge too.. and liked it. Hopefully he'll come again with his friend Jonathan.

Toward the end of Refuge as the night was coming to an end, I see a guy I had never seen before moping around the parking lot with a deflated football. He stood there awkwardly. I approached him and offered to play ball with him which he then replied that he 'can't catch or throw'. I left a short proximity between us and we played a game of feeble football pass. We ended up talking the whole night. Antquan quietly came up behind us on the window sill to pray for our conversation.

Bruce is from Seattle and moved out the LA 15 years ago. He smoked his first joint when he was 6 because his mom was a drug addict. He was exposed to drug abuse at an early age and eventually fell into it which led to jail 3-4 times. He has never lasted rehab for more than 12 hours. He went to a Jehovah's Witness church but doesn't consider himself under any religion. He takes bits and peices of what is "nice" and applicable to his own life. He knows his Bible but totally misinterpreted it. His knowledge and explanations had many contradictions but it was good for him to hear what he was saying because it did not make sense and he knew that. He got frustrated over it.

I let him do the talking and I just wanted to understand what he meant...It wasn't my place to convince or explain. I simply needed to listen to him and be in tune with the spirit. Anyways, frustration led him to exit and I felt like I did a poor job of being a "messenger of Christ" since I never explained anything. As he briskly left the lot, Antquan darted after him and told me to come along. Antquan affirmed Bruce and told him that he was VERY thankful that he was so frank and honest. Then Antquan encouraged me and I felt so humbled by his words.

Thanks for sharing, Michelle!

I too have wondered if I've really been a "messenger of Christ" and felt I should have said more. But I can also say that at times people just need to be heard. And Bruce got to vocalize his contradicting thoughts and beliefs and hear it himself, rather than be told his thinking was faulty. Most likely, realizing it on his own was more powerful than you saying anything. And maybe now that he's felt heard and understood, he'll be more open to hearing the truth and confronting his misunderstandings.

Broken Hearts Newsletter

2009-06-30T08:54:00.001-07:00

http://prayer.brokenheartsministry.org/resources/newsletter/

06.18.09

2009-06-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

Thursday was vice night, so cops were prevalent and people on the streets were few. A pretty quiet night when we arrived, but from the beginning it was full of fun surprises as friends we hadn't seen in months and months kept showing up.

One of the Del Taco security cards, "Mary", was back from a several month trip to be with her mom in El Salvador. We all greeted her with excitement and she returned the joy with her bright smile and hugs. She speaks little English, so few of us can hold long conversations with her, but we all share a love for each other and speak through physical communication and times of prayer.

And before prayer, our friend Anthony showed up. He was one of the very first people I met in Hollywood, probably the first after Big Mama. So after catching up with him and lifting up prayer requests, we broke up into groups and headed out to meet the few people hanging out on the street.

Jere and I walked across the street with Anthony and the first people we found were 'K' and 'J', a couple we've been getting to know more over the last few months who usually come to The Refuge. They updated us on the latest in their life, and our conversation slowly turned towards fathers, as Jeremiah planned to talk about God as father, and it happened to line up with Father's Day. Not surprisingly, their responses about their fathers were fairly typical of most we meet there - K's father has been in prison most of her life, and J's is dead.

I'm still a little slow to how things work on the street, and that people or situations aren't always as they appear; but for once it didn't take me too long to pick up on the fact that they were some of the only people here, settled unnoticeable on one side of the donut shop for no apparent reason. I was under the impression neither of them deal drugs anymore, but after talking more to K later, I realized that she no longer deals, but J does and she just helps him hold it. I noticed what appeared to be some possible customers as we talked (observing we're clearly not good for business), and when K headed with us to bible study she said J would join us after he got some business. That's when she confirmed that he does still deal, because it's all he knows. On the other hand, she had just received a $25000 scholarship from school to get continued education for her nursing career.

Most of the rest of our evening was incredibly entertaining and informative for me. I think K is one of my favorite people out there, mostly for the paradox that she seems to be. Or maybe because she just often challenges the view that many would have of a stereotypical ex-gang banger, ex-drug dealer African American woman. Probably one of the cutest girls you'll ever meet - very short and petite, pretty face, and incredibly bubbly and talkative.

As we all talked she told Jeremiah how she'd been trying to retell a story he used as an example in one of her messages about a frog in a pot of hot water that started out cool and slowly boiled him to death, unaware how his surroundings were killing him. She giggled and recounted the story with delight: "What's his name? Leonard? He just stayed in that pot! All the other frogs jumped out, and he just stayed in there! hahaha". I smile even as I write it, remembering the innocence and laughter as she talked about it, finding it so entertaining. And whenever someone is giving a sermon (ususally Jeremiah), she sits engrossed in the message and giggles and vocalizes joy or resonance or entertainment at his funny stories or experiences in a way that resembles a 5 year-old hearing a teacher read them a goofy story.

I'd never expect that type of reaction from someone like that. Maybe disdain or annoyance with how little we understand or relate to her situations. But no, this 20-something year old woman loves hearing the analogies, and offers to pray for our pizza before we eat. And yet as we continue our conversation on the sidewalk before bible study, she educates us on gang life and tells us about how she and J jumped a guy recently who called her a b**ch. She fills us in on how most gang fights these days that she hears about are because of 'hood rats' (girls who are sleeping with guys from various gangs); and informs us about how gangs from rival neighborhoods will have barbecues and football games and hang out together. She tells us a story about one of those fun hangouts where everyone was cool with each other until they found out about a girl sleeping with 2 different guys, ending in one of her homies being killed.

I love meeting people like her, who break down stereotypes and continually give me a greater love for people who are so different from me. She and I have nothing in common, but we can kick it like I do with any of my friends. I think back to earlier in the evening when she got pissed off at a guy who was not from the area and was stopping in at the donut shop, but was very intrusive and rude in the way he approached us. She ranted as he left, "why's he gotta open the door like that right into us? He sees us standing here! And then he parks his car right there, like he owns the place!" and continues on why he doesn't need to be rude and why is he acting like he's afraid of the black people. She's angry because he seems to be treating them like dangerous black people that he needs to act tough around, afraid that they'll do something to him. And all she was hoping for was someone to be cool, treat them kindly and not expect that they fit into this dangerous, mean stereotype.

I understand that he was an area that he clearly doesn't hang out in and probably was a little nervous, so had to play it extra tough. But how often do others of us do the same thing? Type-cast a group of people (any group of people different from ourselves) and react in fear, when just like us, they expect kindness and politeness? I think that's one of the biggest lessons I've learned from coming to Hollywood in the middle of the night. BH has been going for 5 years, just hanging out on the street. And yes, we get some dirty looks at times, maybe some mean or mocking comments, but for the most part if we just want to talk and hang out with people, they love engaging in conversation if we're willing. Of course it's an area we have to be careful in, but there's really not much to be afraid of - especially when we have God with us! But we hang out with thieves, druggies, people who have killed and committed various crimes, male prostitutes, and if we come with love and a desire to understand, there's really no fear. They treat us just as well as anyone you could meet elsewhere. In fact, often they're more friendly than someone you might encounter in Orange County! :)

But, I digress. Back to the evening...

The other fascinating part of the evening to me (besides also seeing Andre from last week return and hang out and tell us about how much money he makes recyling cans and bottles from the clubs), was the activity around the dumpster during our bible study.

I'm not sure that I've ever actually seen anyone dumpster dive. Yes, I see people collecting bottles to recycle all the time, or maybe finding something they could use in the garbage near my apartment, or around the beach and other places I go. But during our bible study two people, with grocery carts in tow, literally dove into the dumpster and finished like they'd just gone shopping. I didn't watch too much, mostly so I could concentrate on the message, and also to not stare at them since they likely wouldn't appreciate that. Yet when I'd glance over, I would see more and more articles of clothing appear and be draped over the carts, and stacks of other various items pile up, and at once the guy actually diving in head first with just his legs still hanging over the side. I was amazed at how much they found and how diligent they were in discovering their loot. So interesting to see how, sadly, one man's trash really is another man's treasure.

BH Updates

2009-06-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Broken Hearts held our first official Board of Directors Meeting!

As we continue to pursue loftier and more extravagant dreams and visions for Hollywood, this was a great step towards unity and wisdom as we walk that road.

I won't add much more about that, but will say more about the day in general. I rarely go to Hollywood during the day - at least not to our part of Hollywood. I think I've been once or twice, and can barely even tell where I am because everything looks so different in the light of day.(metaphor for Christ noted) :)

I'd been feeling slightly agitated with our ministry lately, to be quite honest, losing some compassion and desire to build relatoinships with those we meet on the street. Some of them just seem so far gone - mentally or spiritually or due to drug use, that it feels hopeless and pointless sometimes. I read stories about other ministries and other opportunities people have and think, "why can't we just interact with some people who actually want help? People that would respond to some kindness and love and maybe give a second thought about the hope that comes from God?"

At the same time, my desire to have a building and be able to really pour into lives in Hollywood on a regular basis was starting to drive me nuts. Not being able to have what I wanted and pursue the burdens on my heart and feeling ineffective as a result. So I drove through 2 hours of traffic to LA to meet with the board, discouraged and uninspired, almost questioning if this is really where I want to be.

As I exited the 101 at Santa Monica Blvd and drove through the crowded city streets in daylight, it was like I was experiencing a whole new place. Crowded shops selling clothes and flowers and various tchotskys, and all types of cafes and restaurants open, and clubs and theaters preparing for the evening. The crowds included some similar types of people we might meet on a typical Thursday or Friday night, but there were also the business men and women, tourists, teenagers goofing off and chatting on cell phones, families buying groceries, homeless people meandering down the streets, and just about every variety of personality you could hope to find. A normal city, full of so many types of people, religious backgrounds, differences and similarities.

'Wow' I thought. 'Yes, this is what I want more of. I really do want that building that can not only be operational at night, but open during the day to all of these people. We'd have community, we'd have endless opportunities to meet people and hang out over coffee or whatever we might have available to them. A nice, creative, relaxed atmosphere would fit in just fine here, and hopefully draw people in.'

I guess sometimes I feel like we're so limited at night, wondering what kind of community we can really build. Or like everyone fits into a mold and so if we can't figure out how to break those walls, we're stuck.

Yet as I drove through, and then walked from my parking spot into our location in a prominent shopping center further down Santa Monica than I've ever gone, my heart skipped at the possibility. I no longer felt boxed in or confused or frustrated, but instead invigorated by what God could do here.

Please pray for us as we look for a building, come up with strategic long-term plans and pursue fundraising to provide a place to facilitate community and share Christ with the broken.

05.21.09

2009-05-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

It was a good week in Hollywood. I'd missed the previous week due to being sick, so it was nice to be back out and seeing people I hadn't seen in a while. The cops were out and about, and several of them were hanging out by donut time (not sure what they were giving tickets for). Which means that people were happy to hang out with us and chat. Because they know that the police won't bother them if they're with us.

A couple of us chatted with Keeva, who has been coming to the bible study weekly. We talked about her nursing job and recent work drama, and I found out more about her tattoos, some of which I'd never noticed before. One on each eyelid that she had done in 8th grade. And a few matching tattoos from a "clique" she was in. At least that's what she called it. Otherwise known as a gang...

During that conversation, our friend 'Alex' walked out of the donut shop, so we began catching up right away. It's always good to see him, and it had been a few weeks. He was with Star, who several people on our team know well. I hadn't met him before, but we got along quickly. I'd actually heard various rumors about him being killed, beat up, etc before. (I believe he'd been beat up pretty bad a few months back.) Again, they wanted to hang out with me since the cops were there, and then we hung out until bible study. Despite some hesitation to come and stay, they hung out for a bit although Star was clearly uncomfortable being there and didn't feel like he belonged. He made a bit of a scene and couldn't keep too quiet. But he kept trying to leave, and Alex was wanting to stay, but feeling pressured to go and hang out with his friend. Interestingly, about the time Alex was ready to go, Star kind of hung around and kept listening.

Antquan noted at the end of the night that he had seen them on the fence, being pulled both ways - lightness or darkness? - as they hovered around, unaware of the spiritual battle they were in the midst of. Eventually, darkness won out and they left early in the bible study. But it was one of those situations where, had they stayed, they wouldn't have listened well and probably would have caused major distractions...or been frustrated by us trying to 'make' them stay. So we let them head off with a wave and smile. The Refuge, however, was still full of people listening attentively.

One of them, Jose, talked with Antquan after about how he'd just left a program and was starting to drink again. But he knew he needed to get back on track, and made plans to have Antquan take him back to a program or a place he could get help. He's a Christian, but struggling a bit at the moment.

A friend of mine, Marcus, was also there with his boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in a while, and the last few times I'd seen him he'd been hesitant to talk much. So when we split up into discussion groups afterwards, I was in his group and got to spend most of the evening talking to them. We talked about things we need to surrender to God. They assured us that they'd both already surrended everything to Jesus because he died on the cross for them. But their lifestyles don't exactly reflect it. That disconnect is a tricky one for me to know how to address. Call them out, when I've done some of that before? Or just keep chatting and build on the relationship in order to build trust to eventually address it again? It didn't seem the time to call it out...I'm not sure if that was my call or God's, but I will continue to pray for the Holy Spirit to mold them and hope to see them again soon.

The conversations of the evening left me with a bitter taste in my mouth - glad to see people I hadn't seen in a while and chat with them. But frustrated that they say with their mouths they love God, while their lives deny it. Yet it left me with more passion for an actual building in the area to be able to build these relationships day-in and day-out, because one day a week just isn't enough to combat all that their souls war against during the week.

the Full Expression of the Gospel

2009-05-19T22:43:00.001-07:00

I read these words from Newsong pastor Dave Gibbons this week and it made me think even more about the concept of community that God has been teaching me so much about lately:

"Yes, we're focused on comfort in the American church and it's led to a consumer church. In the process, we've missed the full expression of the gospel. We've missed out on the second most important commandment, which is to love your neighbor. And who is your neighbor? As defined in the scriptures-the story of the Good Samaritan-it's not someone like you, it's actually someone not like you, someone you are not naturally drawn to, someone of a different culture, someone you may even hate. Jesus said, Love God and love your neighbor. If you can love someone who is unlike you, that's when the world will take notice..."

I've been trying to interact more with my neighbors just within my apartment complex to get to know them and pray for them. I'm still working on how to tangibly love them while I barely know them, and praying that God will give me opportunities. Because God has placed me here and around these people for some reason, and I know I need to be a light to them.

But it made me think even more about community in Hollywood and how we do ministry there...

This past week I went to a conference with work and was able to interact with/hear from some big thinkers, consultants and pastors (such as Dave Gibbons) who are living in these kind of communities or working to build them. Since then, my mind has been flooded with possibilities of what ministry in Hollywood could look like, what community means, how important it is, and what that will require of me.

..."When we got in to a new city to initiate ministry, what do we generally do? We think demographically: who is like me? Shouldn't we instead ask, Who are the most marginalized people in this community, and then go love on them? Love on them with no strings attached! I really believe that as we reach the marginalized we will reach the masses. Isn't this what God demonstrated? People who saw Jesus chose to be his disciples. They saw who he hung out with-the fringe-and they said, "Jesus is for us." That was the story that became viral."

I'm used to what Broken Hearts does in Hollywood, who we interact with and the lifestyle and environment down there. So I forget this, but truly, we stand out. People notice us and know what we do. We meet people who say they've known who we are and what we do for months, because they've watched us (unbeknownst to us). Why? We're mostly a bunch of white, college-aged, clean-cut kids who show up every week, completely out of place. We don't go for drugs or prostitution or crime...we're there to love people and tell them about Christ. That's not normal.

When a white girl who exudes naivete and innocence excitedly greets and hugs a black, transsexual prostitute and starts talking at a table in a donut shop about how their weeks have been, people take notice. Or a Lebanese college student from Orange County hangs out for an hour in a liquor store talking to the owner about his family, without ever buying alcohol, it stands out as abnormal.

And the more we can do of that, the more time we can spend in that area, interacting with these people on a daily basis and sharing their trials and being there for them day-in and day-out, the more that type of healthy community can grow and allow for the love of Christ to be more than words. Maybe that will water the seeds that have been planted and allow us to experience a great harvest.

It's easy to go to church on Sundays, have our small groups or bible studies throughout the week, go to a Christian school or work at a Christian job and say that we love our neighbors and hope others will see and experience that love. Which they absolutely can. But that's easy. Even the 'pagans' do that, it's not all that unique.

But what if I spend more time getting to know my next door neighbors of 4 different backgrounds and ethnicities and worldviews, and treat them like I would my Life Group? What if we all hung out with the homeless, poor, widows, gang members and drug dealers around us? How weird would that look? As a RockHarbor pastor recently taught, wouldn't that make people ask: "What happened here? What happened in this person's life to make them that way?"

Please join Broken Hearts in praying that God would give us a building, a way to pay for it, and wisdom to know how to use it to further an Acts-like community in Hollywood!

2009-04-29T12:51:00.001-07:00

"And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem. I don't know what awaits me...But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus- the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God." - Acts 20:22-24

2009-04-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

"I think we're gonna see Frankie tonight", Antquan said as we were nearing Hollywood. "God told me when I was praying today that we'd see him...". With that comment, even missing the rest of what Antquan had to say about it at that moment, for whatever reason, I should've known it was going to be an interesting night.

When we set out after prayer, the first person we talked to was a young 20-something year old guy lingering outside of Donut Time, who asked what we did out there. The conversation led to him saying that he believes in God and Jesus and goes to church every week and knows that it's all about Him; that he'd recently gotten out of a 3-year stint in jail for drug dealing, and that he's back to being a regular user of PCP. Which he told us because he was high at the time and though able to hold a normal conversation, said his mind was "way up here" looking up at the sky. After getting more background on him and why he's back on drugs, etc he became so unfocused and maybe aware of how much he was saying that he said he couldn't handle the conversation anymore because of his high and took off inside Donut Time.

We'd already extended an invitation to him for bible study, so we headed off down the street as other BH-ers stayed inside Donut Time talking to a young crew of gang members. When we got to 7-11, only a few people were there, so Michelle and I headed to get some tea to help us warm up. While I was standing and talking to 'Ravi' inside, Kayla came to the door, saying, "Holly, come here!" I glanced at her and back at 'Ravi', trying to keep listening to him as we were in the middle of conversation. I wasn't about to leave, so she said, "trust me, you want to see this." So I left and followed her out to the donut shop next door. Standing inside was one of our good friends that Kayla, Jen and I had bonded with several months ago, "Alex' (a very pretty transsexual who had moved to Oakland). We had last seen him several months ago as he was struggling with wanting out of prostitution, wanting to pursue his dreams of fashion designing, and frustrated that life never seemed to go well for him.

We both loudly greeted each other in excitement as we hugged. I was completely shocked to see him, thinking he was living out of the area. But I think about him often and had wondered how he'd been. As he pulled out some cash to hand to one of his friends, he thumbed through a pile of bills. "I'm good at what I do" he said with a laugh. Though it killed me to realize he was prostituting again, he told me that he was in fashion school and had brought his drawings to show us.

Just as I was getting to catch up with him and wanting to hear what he'd been up to, Antquan came to the door of Magee's. Just like Kayla, he waved me towards him saying, "come here".

"Um, okay," I said looking back to Alex. "I'll be right back" and walked out towards Antquan. And over near our bible study, there my eyes zeroed in on Frankie. I looked over at Antquan with raised eyebrows and jaw to the floor. Then smiled, realizing God had truly spoken to him during his prayer time. He came over to me as Frankie walked by also, barely acknowleding my "hey!" said in half-excitement, half utter disbelief. "I didn't get to finish telling you the rest of my story, "antquan said quietly. "When I was praying God told me that we would see Frankie, and that he would be using again. I just talked to him, and within the first few minutes of our conversation he let me know that he's using." I still didn't quite know what to do or say. We haven't seen Frankie in about a year and a half, but we've heard he was at a local sober living home, and had often wondered together how he was doing. Frankie was one of the first people i met on the street, one of the closest friends to our whole team, and who I wasn't sure if I'd see again. I can't explain what a shock it was to see him again. And even more so to have Antquan hear so clearly from God and then see it all unfold. Then, to know that Frankie was no longer sober...it was just a lot to process so quickly. And at the same time, I was aware that Alex wanted to talk and I wanted to hear what was going on in his life.

I briefly got to hear how Alex was doing that night, glancing through his sketches and hearing about school, but most of the night, aside from the bible study (which all of the gang members and the PCP guy we'd met before came to) I sat and talked with Frankie and Antquan.

After praying in groups after the service, Krista continued in a conversation with a gang banger who she basically dragged there, and told us later that he responded well.

Antquan and I sat with Frankie who opened up quite a bit about being sober for 16 months, then leaving the program he was in 4 days ago and going right back to meth and prostitution because it's what he knows. But he'd found the environment to have changed a lot (which it has) and wasn't enjoying it. He shared a lot about not trusting people because of his past; not knowing how to handle his current boyfriend who actually treated him well and never expecting good things; not wanting to do meth again, wanting to get into fashion school, etc.

The conversation and night didn't end with anything miraculous, but he said he'd probably see us the next week. And I hoped the same with Alex. Please pray for both of them, as well as us to have wisdom to know how to best reach them and help them get back off the streets.

2009-04-03T14:59:00.001-07:00

Maybe I feel well-listened to. Or maybe because I process thoughts and emotions internally, I don’t feel as deep of a need to be heard. Or maybe I’m just more emotionally healthy than some people. But it is hard for me to understand how listening seems to have such a huge impact on people.

I often hear people jokingly thank me for being their therapist, or say they should pay me for listening and helping them think and process. All the while, I’m thinking: “Really? I’m just sitting here listening, mumbling a periodic, ‘mm-hmm’, and asking a well-intentioned question when appropriate”. And yet people seem to have amazing revelations, insight, and emotional break-throughs as they talk at me. I say this with a slight hint of sarcasm, as I do realize that being heard is very important. But it always surprises me that such a seemingly minor act can seem to have such a huge impact on people. It makes me feel lazy, quite honestly, when “doing ministry” or “being a good friend”. I feel like I should be offering advice, or pointing out faulty thinking, or saying lots of wise words. And there are moments that those come and prove helpful, but more often than not just sitting and letting someone vent or rant or think out loud gets me an odd amount of thanks, in my opinion.

I mention it because I went out last night, prepared through prayer, to speak Spirit-filled words, and proclaim God boldly and have great, deep, intelligent conversations with people. It was a fairly quiet night, and I found myself already feeling cowardly as I hit the pavement, no longer ready to be bold. I quickly felt unusable, a little bit hopeless, and disappointed in my lack of courage. Because I tend to feel like, while it’s good to be a friend and just love people, that without verbalizing the gospel and driving home the importance of faith in Christ and idea of eternity without God, that it’s not worth much. I think in fear of proclaiming Christ that I fall to “walking the walk” without ever “talking the talk”. But people need to hear the truth and explanation of what makes the walk. And though listening is often strategic, it can also be my safety net. My way to walk without talking.

I ended up spending most of my night talking to my friend Nigel, who I’ve spoken with many times before. Last time I saw him it was a discussion about his belief in God, leading us to debate on the issue of Jesus and just one God. He believes in Jesus, but thinks that others can believe whatever they want and it be okay. So there were some theology issues we had to work through. Last night he was more intoxicated than I’ve ever seen him, and his first admission to me was about how he loves God, but he can’t stop drinking beer. Which easily lent us to the conversation of why he depends on the bottle…which then led to stories and tears…and more tears…and poetry he’s written and jokes and laughter and more tears and lessons learned, etc…

By the time we were done talking, he’d told me that I was the most beautiful person he’d ever met because of much more than physical appearance, but because of my hope, peace, gentleness, etc…and that he was so happy he’d met me. And he then proceeded to tell several people how I just listened to him and how I made him cry and basically went on about our conversation in a way that seemed nearly crazy to me. Of course I valued every word he said and greatly appreciated his encouragement. It just surprised me how moved he seemed by simply talking to this quiet, short little blonde girl as he looked down on me from his 6'8' frame! But apparently, at times, just listening and engaging in patient conversation can minister to someone just as much as our wise words can. In the last two weeks, I've experienced both ends.

Of course, many other great conversations took place after bible study. Krista talked to an older, homeless, cocaine addict about Jesus, and Tessa talked to a guy we'd never met before about the bible and Jesus as Son of God. He had a viewpoint I've heard many times there, about parts of the bible being true and Jesus being a good person, without believing him to be divine. I got to interact some with the conversation, but he and Tessa had a good, intellectual dialogue about some of his disbeliefs, and he assured us he'd return to hang out again.

One other exciting part of our evening was stopping by a building that is for lease that is perfect and in the perfect location for something we would want to use. Please pray that God leads us to the building he wants us to have when he wants us to have it to further his purposes.

2009-03-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

God's timing and the Holy Spirit are amazing things...

2 years ago I had a broken heart, which grieved me for close to a year. It felt unbearable at times. And yet when I look back over the past 2 years, I see what has come of it. I realize that if all of that pain was meant for only how it has shaped me and where it has lead me, it was all worth it... because that pain brought me to the streets of Hollywood. Somewhat indirectly, starting with the decision to go on a missions trip to New Orleans, where my experience with the homeless there gave me a heart for the hopeless and abandoned. Which lead me to joining Broken Hearts ministry. It was not a calling I felt that God placed on my heart that I responded to. Instead, which I believe he so often does (and believe we don't have to wait for a call to go, but can go in faith and then hear the call), he brought me there in an unexpected and roundabout way. Then gave me a taste of what it was to share my faith, bring hope to the hopeless, and in doing so come to know and love Him more. That taste has grown into a hunger that I doubt (and hope) will never be satisfied on this earth.

I've been listening to some very convicting sermons focused on living a life that matters, a life that addresses sin, and that is focused on eternity where our true home is. They have given me an even bigger desire to spend my time here doing what matters so that when I get to heaven, I will be proud of how I used my life, and my Father will be proud of his daughter. As they speak of pure religion that reaches out to the orphans and widows, poor and lost, it resonates with me and challenges me at the same time. I know I have very far to go in living out this pure religion.

They also address those people in their pews who hear these messages, resonate with them, agree, want to respond, and then walk away and forget. A few years ago (and still today with slight improvements), that would have been me. Or maybe responding with the bare minimum and reasoning away why simply sending a check to the poor is good enough. Justifying why buying certain things for only myself is perfectly fine, while ignoring needs around me. Now at least when I hear them address those issues, it stings to see where I'm failing, and I immediately look at how I can change, and desperately cry to God to take that ugliness out of me.

Without these past 2 years in Hollywood serving the poor and needy, I don't think I would have that same response. I would be living for myself way more than I am now, and in doing so, be living a life of self-deception. A life that says it's fine to live the way you want, as long as you love God, do some good for those around you, go to church, love your neighbors and family, and spend lots of time at church and in your bible and praying. A religion that is mostly about me and my relationship with God. But what I wouldn't have been able to see is what a lie that is and how much more God wants and expects from me as his child. An ambassador who embraces and expects suffering for his sake, who counts all things as lost compared to the infinite worth of knowing and sharing Him. I am so much more in tune now what Christianity really means because I've gotten a taste of it in sharing this joy with those who don't have it and reaching out to those who God so desperately wants in his kingdom.

And in these experiences, I'm learning what it means to ask God for things and truly expect him to answer. What faith looks like and how it lives. I often feel like I'm relearning the same lesson week in and week out. But it's on my mind, and I'm slowly making steps forward.

Thursday night in Hollywood I prayed much longer than I usually do before I went up. I have little faith and I pray for big things, and then doubt that God will actually do any of it. Then I watch my friends in Hollywood have amazing conversations and experience amazing things after expecting amazing things, who have crazy prayers answered. And it's so humbling thinking, "I want that to be me, but I doubt SO much". So I prayed against that this week. I did the usual of praying for big things and for God to work through me, then recognized my tinge of doubt. So then prayed against that again and prayed with more sincerity and humility than the first time around, recognizing the work that God would need to do in me.

When we got there I saw "Manny", a guy I met awhile ago and see periodically. I usually have pretty good conversations with him and we can be real with each other. He's a little bit private and doesn't say a whole lot, and many times he hasn't wanted to join in our bible studies. But Jeremiah and I chatted with him near our bible study as he waited for pizza, and caught up on what had been happening lately. He stayed for The Refuge, and afterward we got into small groups to discuss the message Jeremiah had given. I don't remember how (although it started by me asking him to remind me of his beliefs about God) but we got on the topic of how he doesn't really think God totally accepts him because of the sins he commits and things he's done in the past. He believes in God, but has a lot of doubts, partially because of this and things that have happened in his life.

Then, I got to experience the Holy Spirit working through me. I don't often get that feeling out there that it's not me speaking, but when it happens, it's amazing. I'm generally pretty gentle and quiet and mellow with people, especially those who already know about and believe in God. I now think partially that attitude can be a result of Satan telling me they already know it all so they don't need to hear any more 'good news' and I don't need to 'preach' at all. But at that moment, I felt so compelled to dispose of that idea he had in his mind and expose the lie. I can usually tell it's so much more God than me, because words come pouring out of me in a surprisingly eloquent and understandable way. I tend to stink at getting my thoughts out and verbal communication, so when I don't skip a beat and everything comes out of me like I just got done with a study on the subject, I know God's at work. I can't do that on my own. And the look in his eyes and small twinge of a smile told me the words meant something. I'm not exactly sure what, but he was clinging to them.

After we prayed in a small group with our friend Bryan, he assured us he'd be back the following night for our bible study at Exposure Night, and took off with more pizza. I hoped he'd come, but as usual, I had my doubts. Then I was left with Bryan, and we got into a great discussion about what he'd been learning. Bryan has been coming every week, with a clear hunger to know Jesus more. I asked him if he'd been reading his bible, and he told me about reading the beatitudes in Matthew. Then he said he had some questions about it, but was very hesitant to share them. When I encouraged him to go ahead - and what I thought was really awesome - was that he asked about the issue of prayer that is mentioned. About not standing on street corners and praying, but going in secret to pray. He asked because he was concerned maybe something that The Refuge and BH was doing, praying and doing everything so obviously for people to see, could go against what was written in the bible. I took some time to explain to him what that passage meant and why it was okay. But I loved that he was reading the bible in that way, thinking and trying to apply it, and then examining our ministry up against the word of God! We got to talk a while longer about other questions he had, which just revealed more to me how much he is growing and hungering for more knowledge. It is so exciting to see someone becoming a disciple of Christ!

And again, as I explained some of these things to Bryan, I felt like the words were flowing so easily, and it just felt like God gave me all that i needed to say in a way that he could understand.

So, to make a long post way longer...
the following day I kept thinking about Manny, and how I wanted to have some verses ready to share with him the following night. And the more I thought about and prayed for him and envisioned our conversation in our head, the harder I prayed and felt like my faith grew. That it wasn't just throwing prayers out there hoping God might come through, but passionate prayers that I was nearly certain God wanted me to pray and would fulfill. Again, I felt like the Holy Spirit was showing me how to pray and interceding on my behalf. Asking that if He wanted me to have this conversation that he would open that up. And I rarely envision conversations in my head, but I kept thinking about what i wanted to say to Manny and felt the need and drive to do so incredibly strongly. Thoughts from an evanglism book I've been reading began creeping in, as I had the thought that although I knew he was a 'Christian', that didn't necessarily mean he was saved. That I needed to probe to find out and make sure. I knew if I saw him, I would not wait or look for an opportunity to bring it up, but would dive right into the conversation...which again, I don't always do, I tend to take things more slowly and let the situation unfold naturally.

As I sat at lunch during the day, I asked God to show me the right verses. I headed to the references at the back of the bible, both glossary and topical. I'm currently reading through Philippians in my own quiet time, and as I started to glance to verse references, a thought came to mind: just keep reading through Philippians, you'll find them there. 'huh' I thought. 'that was kind of weird, a pretty clear thought. well, I'll keep that in mind, it's probably just me'. And I proceeded onto Matthew and found a good verse there. But I still had a very clear, nagging thought to just read through as usual for my quiet time. 'alright, fine,' I thought, and headed there. About 2 verses in, the next verses were about not being saved by righteousness or because of it, but because of faith and through the power of Jesus Christ. About how no matter what we have done or haven't done, it's all about faith given to us by God. I just had to laugh. Once again, I doubted that God was actually doing something big like speaking to me, when I just saw it as a possibility that it was from God. But he proved right then he'd been listening to my prayers and answered right then. It seemed so easy, and maybe that's why it was so humorous to me.

When we got to Hollywood for Exposure Night, Manny was one of the first people I saw. He was headed of somewhere quickly, but said he'd be at the service. So after walking around for a while I saw him again as he was headed to our service. But because we'd all arrived to Hollywood late because of traffic, we put The Refuge on hold until later than usual. So there was plenty of time to talk beforehand.

He still had his bible we'd given him the night before, so I asked if I could use it and we walked through some passages in Matthew and Philippians about not having to make ourselves good enough for God because he saves us by faith in his Son, exactly what we'd been talking about the day before. And once again, the words flowed like some crazy river that I was just on for a ride. I could see in his eyes once again that the words were having some impact on him; and a smile that said it was resonating in an important way. And the Holy Spirit didn't let the conversation end there. I went on to ask about his belief in Jesus, to make sure he was assured of salvation. His very hesitant reply of ' yeah.....but I don't think he's going to accept me when I get to heaven, because of the stuff I've done." So I began explaining forgiveness, the crucifixion and imputation of Christ's perfection onto us, etc. And stories about great sinners in the bible like David and Noah and others. We also hit on sins that he was concerned about, like his drinking and drug use and why he does those things and how temporary and unfulfilling they arein compared to Christ. When bible study began, we had to end the conversation, but he seemed to dig in and pay close attention to what was being said.

As I read through this, I see that it can sound like it's all about me and what I did. That is not my intention at all. The opposite, actually, because I know how I normally converse with people, and I know what happened these two nights as result of prayer and the Holy Spirit doing what I couldn't. This was none of me, and all of God. I just had the extreme privilege of getting to participate in something he was already doing. Really, I think this story was really more about how God was moving and working through me when I surrendered, and how that can impact someone else's life and assurance of salvation.

And though I won't go into another story, something similar and even bigger was happening with Krista and an intense conversation she was in on Thursday that the person was still being affected by on Friday, according to her. A drug dealer, pimp and gang member who reflected on the idea she'd presented of changing and not going to hell, and how he couldn't stop thinking about it. She'd gotten in his face in a way that she said was not even normal for her, a very bold and outspoken Christian. But it was exactly what he needed to hear. She was experiencing the same thing at the same time - God speaking through her in a way that she normally wouldn't.

Please pray for more of these experiences for all of our time, that we'd all be used in these powerful ways on a regular basis and trust God for the results. Because if we think we can do it in our power, Hollywood will never change. Not without the power of Christ.

Loving with Time

2009-03-20T13:44:00.000-07:00

Last week we welcomed a new member of the Broken Hearts family - Jorge Chavez, Big Mama's new baby boy.

Big Mama currently has two boys, who do not live with her nor speak to her. None of her family answers her calls when she tries to reach them, and so essentially, she has no family right now. 9 months ago, Helen got into an argument with a drug dealer at the house she was staying at, and he hit her, used a chair to hit her, and around that time (I don't remember if it was before or after) raped her. Though they'd been physically intimate before, according to Big Mama, in this instance it was not consensual. The result of that terrible instance was a new life.

A few months before, Mama had a miscarraige which she still struggles to deal with. She had planned to name that baby Jorge as well.

So a few days after he was born, some of us girls from ministry took her out to lunch with gifts as a form of a baby shower, and then went to hang out with her where she lives and got to spend some time with our new 'nephew' as she says. It didn't strike me until after, but this is an awesome and large responsibility for Broken Hearts, if we choose to take on the responsibility. Granted, Jorge is just a week old, and it will take awhile for any of us to truly be able to influence his life. But he will be growing up without a dad, without strong male figures, and really without any family or strong moral figures at all, aside from his mom.

So many issues - especially in this environment - seem to stem from childhood, from lack of fatherhood, lack of love and people to respect. I'm excited as I see the prospect of being able to love Jorge, to speak into his life, and to participate in his growth and learning and development. We may be some of the only God-following, loving providers and group with respectable males that he will be around while he's young. This will be new for us, but such a great opportunity!

During this time, as well as days leading up to it and since, it's been on my mind how important it is for us to spend time with our friends in Hollywood. Not just those Thursdays and Fridays that we're there. Because once a week just isn't enough...not when the rest of the week they're surrounded by the world, fake friends, and bad influences. And not just because of that, but because if we commit other days in our week, take time to just hang out as friends, this shows even more that we really do care. That it's not just a once-a-week requirement we're trying to fill to feel good about ourselves, but that their lives and well-being and salvation matter to us - and to God.

Then last night, our friend 'Ravi' was beaming as we all gathered to catch up and share praises and prayer requests. He told us that he'd spent the day hanging out with Michelle (from BH), and that it was one of the best days he'd had since he moved to Hollywood. She'd called him while she was in the area and they just hung out, went to visit Big Mama and Jorge, and then came to BH together. All she did was spend some time hanging out with him, and those few hours had clearly had a huge impact on him.

It was a tangible reminder to me how crucial our time is in this effort of not only bringing people to Christ, but helping them to become his disciples. Even in my own life, I think of how huge of a difference it makes to me when someone just wants to spend time with me. When I can spend an evening chatting with my sister and brother-in-law; or when I can go to dinner with a good friend and spend hours talking and catching up on life; when a group of friends invites me along to something they're doing. Those moments remind me that I'm loved, that I have worth, that people care, and that God shows his love to me through these people. And even simpler, it just makes life easier and more fun, especially when I'm going through a hard time.

And I have no doubt that if you're living on the streets, or spending a lot of time there, surrounded by people who are only watching out for themselves, often feel defensive or protective of yourself and unloved by anyone, that when someone just gives you time and an ear, it must make a world of difference.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in our schedules, our to-dos, our own friends and family and find excuses to stay home or relax or do what it is we want to do. And yes, there is a time to focus on our own situations and make sure we're taking care of responsibilities, being filled by God, getting restored. But what if we took some time away from ourselves and our 'needs' every now and then and simply gave our time and love to someone who really needs it?

I have a feeling this has a more profound impact at times than even just sharing the gospel message. It often makes that message feel real and come to life.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

03.12.09

2009-03-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Last week as I was talking to our friend 'Ravi' about shelters and programs that people can go into for help, he was telling me about his frustrations with how they're treated at these types of places. Something he said struck a chord with me, "That's why we keep coming down here, even though we know no one gives a shit about us, at least they're willing to pretend like they care. At these places they don't care about us and they treat us like shit."

How tragic. People keep hanging out with"friends" who feign concern, rather than choose a safe place where they can sleep, eat and get help, because they feel uncared for there. It helps explain, at least to some extent, why so many people continue to live homeless, or as squatters or move from shelter to shelter, when it seems illogical. If they feel more love from the streets - even if it's fake - they'd rather be around that and be able to pretend they're loved.

He also told me that it took a while for him to trust us, to believe we actually cared about him. He thought we were full of it, too. But it showed me how crucial our genuine love, consistency and care is for the people we interact with. We have to show that we care in order to show Jesus cares, and impact their lives. Further, we have to genuinely care, not just act like it, because they can read straight through that.

The people who care about them and earn their trust are the people they will look to for council, wisdom, friendship, help, etc. Our words about God can be taken seriously when we back them up with our genuine care for their well-being.

Thursday night stories

2009-01-30T11:07:00.000-08:00

Instead of talking about every conversation and moment of last night, I'm trying a new approach to writing this week by highlighting just a few stories:

Peter: He plodded into the donut shop and approached the small table where we were conversing with "Azul", dragging with him a potent smell that, if his outer appearance hadn't already made it clear, quickly disclosed the fact that he was homeless. The kind of sharp, pungent smell that universally signals one hasn't seen a shower in days...or longer. If not for that, his thin, frazzled hair, soiled t-shirt and sweatpants, and dirt-laden and greasy hands and fingernails gave it away, along with his slightly mumbled opening statement of, "I was wondering - you don't have to give me money or anything - but could you buy me something to eat...some soup or something?" We don't give out money, but will always buy food for people. The fact that he specifically addressed our hesitancy to give out money indicated to me that he really did just want food, which is why I quickly agreed.

I asked Jack for the Cup of Noodles that he wanted, just minutes after purchasing a tea for myself. So I grabbed my tea from the table and sat down with Peter to talk. The conversation drifted between where he grew up, where he stayed on the streets, and other small-talk such as how me and Nick (who was talking with us) should date; how relationships aren't about attraction but personality; and how he loves God and is okay being single and gave up pornography because he loves God more than anything else. But the talk also included comments about him kissing a transexual, no hate for homosexuals, and how he's a CIA agent and/or an astronaut (still not quite sure on what he was trying to say). Because of that, I was hesitant to get into religious beliefs knowing it may end up making no sense or going nowhere. Besides, he'd already spoken of his love for God multiple times, though sandwiching between it his tolerant and relativistic beliefs that so many others out there profess when expressing their belief in Christ.

He asked us for a blanket or jacket, and Antquan happened to have some jackets in his car. So he brought a sweatshirt and a jacket back for Peter. Who, upon accepting them, began to tear up and pulle the warm sweatshirt over his bare arms and thin t-shirt. All he said was thank you, but he was clearly moved or just grateful for the provision. We offered to buy him more food, but he said he was satisfied. We invited him to our service we'd be having the following night, and he seemed excited at the prospect of pizza and donuts. And with that he took off for the night, probably to go find a place to sleep.

I often battle with when, how, and if to take conversations to the gospel....especially with people like Peter whose minds don't seem fully capable of that kind of discussion or understanding at that moment. But my mind was drawing back on an article I had just read, referencing scripture about whatever you do for the poor and needy, that you do it unto Christ. But it's not as "tangible" or as "worthy" in my mind as sharing the gospel. It's hard for me to grasp that God is as pleased with doing as he with talking about him. I don't know if he is or not, but I know that scripture encourages doing and giving, simply for the sake of showing love and serving Christ in that way. So I "did"....and hopefully, whether through our ministry, through someone else, or through the Holy Spirit, the doing will lead to open conversation and acceptance of Christ. And if nothing else, it teaches me more about giving, loving and obeying Christ in his love for the needy, just for the sake of obeying and giving back to Him...

Bryan: We sat on the fixed barstool-type seating on the edge of the now shut-down Wings joint, clearly unwanted in the territory known for prostitutes and drug dealers. One young guy walked up, looking around and eyeballing each of us scrutinously with an air of caution, and then asked if we had tickets....tickets to some concert (I didn't hear which one he made up). Antquan shook his head 'no' while the guy was asking Nick (who had no idea what he was actually looking for). I probably woulnd't have guessed the truth either, if it weren't for where we were sitting and his paranoid demeanor. "Tickets"...a safe way of asking for drugs from people he didn't know and who looked too unlikely to be dealers. When he realized we didn't have what he wanted, he moved on quickly.

A few minutes later, a middle-aged blonde man rode by on a small yellow bike, rode into the street, circled around as if just killing time, and then pulled up in front of us on the sidewalk. "You guys know anyone who wants to buy a bike?" Out of the corner of my eye I could see the smirk on Antquan's face as he told him no, already seeing straight through the guy's question. For the slightly naive, like Nick and I, it took a few more minutes to catch on. But it took very little time for me to know that it was an odd situation. A young-looking, 40 year-old white guy, riding a bike, and stopping to talk to us...that doesn't happen too often out here.

"You could put it on Craigslist," Nick told him. "No," Antquan interjected, "he's trying to sell it now - within the hour. Right, man?...You selling it for cash?" he asked, looking to see what the guy would say. "Not necessarily" he replied. I could go on into more of the conversation, the truth and real meaning shrouded beneath what sounded like shooting the breeze. But here's the translation: he stole the bike, and was trying to get rid of it - either for cash to buy meth, or for an even trade - as soon as possible. Both to get a fix and to get the stolen property off of his hands before cops found him.

When he realized we weren't buying - or selling - he eventually parked the bike and sat down beside us, willingly entering into conversation. Maybe because we looked safe...although after asking, "are you guys Christians?" he mentioned that, especially after looking at me, he knew it was either that, or I was an undercover. I laughed, "yep, that's what I always hear." It's true...we don't fit out there. So people assume we're undercover cops quite often. And if not, well, then they realize we're Christians or something along those lines.

As he rolled a cigarette (after so-politely asking if it was okay and assuring us it was just tobacco), he quickly disclosed his story to us. He'd been at the LA Mission for 94 days straight. 94 days of sobriety...where he'd also heard about Jesus, learned scripture, and "stopped bearing his cross" - just 4 hours earlier. (Translation: he'd just left this place of restoration and sobriety and "fallen off the wagon". He'd already had a drink (or several), stolen a bike and was looking for meth.) He was quite honest about the fact that he knew he'd messed up, he knew Satan was telling him to just keep going since he'd already messed up, knew his family would be disappointed, was smoking and drinking to calm his anxiety even though he knew the correct answer was to turn to Christ and focus on him, and didn't want to go back to the mission.

Antquan told stories of his own mess-ups, times of succumbing to Satan's lies, and the truth of hope and change that the man had already heard, but hadn't quite bought into. Bryan hoped he didn't go to hell, but admitted he had his reasons for not making the choice he knew would lead him to Heaven. But he wasn't willing to share what those were. The conversation was real, personal, respectful, open and centered on Christ. But just as it seemed we might be there late, diving into the issues and how we might help (after already assuring him we were there to help), he stomped out his cigarette, climbed back on his bike, and said goodnight before we could convince him to stay any longer. Maybe it was his desire for meth, or fear of being arrested (a cop had already stopped at the corner once while we were talking with him, and he noted that they passed by because he was protected by us. That we "saved" him), or his discomfort with the truth, but he wasn't willing to stick around and talk any longer. So we circled up and prayed for him as he rode away...the only thing we can really do with these types of interactions...that, and hope that we'll see him again when he's ready to talk, or ready for change....

Prayer Works

2009-01-24T18:06:00.000-08:00

In recent weeks I've been trying to write down my prayers more, as well as things that God is teaching me. Because I've come to realize that I'm a forgetful person. I resonate pretty well with the Israelites who seem so foolish and ignorant and ungrateful for what God did for them, such as in Exodus:
"When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptions, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord and in his servant Moses...

"But tormented by thirst, they continued to argue with Moses. 'Why did you bring us out of Egypt. Are you trying to kill us, our children, and our livestock with thirst?"...

"After the victory, the Lord instructed Moses, 'Write this down on a scroll as a permanent reminder, and read it aloud to Joshua: I will erase the memory of Amalek from under heaven." Moses built an altar there..."

This is just one example of the many, many times in the Old Testament when God provided, saved, or did an astonishing miracle. Then His people were filled with awe and faith and trust, only to forget and complain shortly thereafter, lacking faith in what God could do. There are also multiple instances like that above of God commanding his people to write something down, create an altar, or leave something to remind them of what he had done. He knows we're forgetful, that we lose faith. And that we beg and plead with petitions and wishes, but when he answers we either don't praise him because we forget that we even asked, or we praise him and then forget what he's done as soon as something hard happens again. I see myself do this way more than I would like to admit; which is why I'm finally learning to discipline myself to write it down, commemorate, or do anything that will help me remember and continue to turn to him with my requests and with faith. Heck, I even went so far as to get a tattoo recently as a constant and permanent reminder of important lessons that God has taught me about brokenness, humility, healing, and serving the broken-hearted for his name and glory.

All of that to say, I write this post in recognition of ways that God has worked mightily through the prayers from and on behalf of the Broken Hearts ministry. In ways that I either forget, or was never even aware of.

This week was probably the first time since I've been going that we didn't start the night at Del Taco for prayer. All of us, including friends, 'Ravi' and 'Azul', arrived and parked in the same place at the same time - down the dark steet halfway between Del Taco and our bible study location. As conversation proceeded, we naturally conveined where we were at.
As we circled up and began bringing up prayer requests, light rain drops began to fall, as they had been sporadically all day...

Azul - who we met a long time ago but has recently been coming out regularly to spend time with us - shared with us his prayer requests. But more than that, and all evening long, he shared his praises. Last week we had prayed for him - for his relationship with his parents, for transportation, ability to manage his activities, and to be able to get through his current trials and tribulations. This week when he arrived, he had a car, told us he was living with parents, that his recent audition had gone well, and basically that all of his prayer requests had been answered. He couldn't have been more excited or expressive about his appreciation. And as we shared prayer requests, he said something about how when our team prays, that God listens and answers; the sense that if we pray about something it will likely happen.

That was new to me, I'd never heard anything like that from anyone before. It was awesome to hear, but I guess I still had some skepticism due to his optimism; maybe he just thought that because these issues had worked out this time.

But then Jeremiah broke in and said, "Seriously, when we prayed that my kids be able would move to Orange County, the next week they were able to." Antquan followed saying, "yeah, actually, I was just thinking about how we've prayed for 3 different people who have been cured of cancer." Wow. In past months we had prayed for people's relatives or friends within the ministry - one of them ended up not having cancer, one is finishing radiation but the cancer is gone, and the other had been healed.

Then the rain made me think back to one of the most miraculous stories that Broken Hearts has, which I'm not sure I've ever written about on here. When the ministry first started with just 3 or 4 people, (before I was ever involved), they said it would rain all the time. It got in the way of ministry, people wouldn't come out as much, and was a big discouragement. So they prayed that when they were out there God would cease the falling rain. And just like God stopped the rain for 3 and a half years in the time of Elijah: "As surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives - the God I serve - there will be no dew or rain during the next few years until I give the word!"(1 Kings 17 & 18), he stopped the rain in Hollywood on Thursday nights. After the team first prayed against the rain - though it might be raining on the way there, or everywhere nearby - when they set out for ministry the rain would stop. It might come back as soon as they got in their cars to go home, but it never rained while they were on the streets. I witnessed this myself in the first year that I was in the ministry; it never rained while we were there, even if the streets were still wet from a shower we'd just missed, or if it rained the whole way there but stopped near Santa Monica blvd. Sometime after my first year - about 3 and a half years after the team had presented their request to God, it rained during 3 or 4 different nights over the next few months while we were on the street. And since those nights, it hasn't rained again.

The rain drops were very light this night as they had been all day...but before we were done praying, they had stopped. And as we drove home, rain covered the windshield on the freeway, but the time we were out it was perfectly clear- even warm!

I'm sure if I sat and thought about it and tried to remember the many answers to prayer that I've forgotten, I would think of many more times that God has heard our prayers for others and for ministry and answered 'yes'. What an encouragement, especially since I often feel like God disregards my prayers for those on the street; and as someone who often lacks the faith to truly believe God will answer God-sized prayers.

And if he's answering those kinds of things, couldn't it be that he's doing so much more that we're completely oblivious to or just can't know about? I think so...

01.16.09

2009-01-20T22:43:00.001-08:00

Fridays are hard. After a late night of being on the street, I dread waking up in the morning. Not just because I'm tired, but because after only 3 hours of sleep, I usually wake up with a stomach ache and burning, bloodshot eyes. And all day long at work I feel a little off, a little physically uncomfortable, and ready to go home to bed. Some days are much easier than others, but that's the general Friday for me after Thursday night ministry. It's also harder when things don't seem to be going great on the street. That tiredness is almost like a battle wound to be proud of when the reason I was up so late was because of an amazing conversation, or great progress in a relationship, or seeing God do his thing. But, like this Thursday, I was already feeling discouraged with ministry by lack of fruit, lack of progress, and questions for God. And so that 'Friday feeling' just felt defeating. .

It wasn't a bad night at all...but I also didn't feel particularly useful. I saw some old faces, and got to catch up with a kid, 'Mark', I've written about on here before, as well as an old friend of Big Mama. I met a few new people outside of the donut shop. And at bible study we got to spend some time in discussion about denominations, prayer, and love with some of the people who came to the study. One - Tom, an older gentleman who loves our ministry and Antquan and has come around many times before. And another older man who lives on the street and believes in God but has some arguments and questions. And Irving, who asked for specific prayer and was very grateful for what he received. We reflected together on the message about Cor. 13 - on love - and what stood out to us in particular. It's been a while since we've had good, structured group reflection time after a message so that was a good chance to also share our lives with those who came.

Two of them who came also checked to see when we're there and showed interest in coming back to spend time with us. We gave one info to our favorite local church as well, as he was interested in getting back into church. Ha, even writing this I'm beginning to see that perhaps it was a better night than I had realized!

On Friday night, I went out again with the Friday team. There were a lot more people out, which usually makes for a more interesting evening, and often allows for more and sometimes better conversations. An old friend, Nigel, joined us with a bright smile, early on in prayer and then hung out with us for a while. He found me, Nick and Dave in the donut shop and we all engaged in a debate about God and how many paths there are to him. He believes the bible and in Jesus Christ for salvation, but doesn't necessarily think that means it's right for everyone.

Part way through that discussion, two young guys, one with a guitar strapped to his back, sat at the table behind us and Nick quickly engaged in conversation with them. Probably one of the only times I've met two straight, young, masculine looking males in that area who weren't there for the club or for work. They had been at an open-mic night somewhere to perform and like hanging out in the area just to people watch. We talked to them about nearby churches and how one of them had kind of tried church a while ago at a church we partner with, but hadn't been back since. He was hesitant to go back to church, but we invited him to join us any Thursday, and Nick got his info to keep in touch.

After ending our chat with Nigel, we walked back down the street corner where the other donut shop is and hung out outside for a while talking to 'Ravi', Nigel, Willy, Warren, and some others that we see regularly. Willy, who I haven't been quite sure about his religious stance, had me listen to a song on his ipod, a gospel track about leaning on God through the trials and tribulations. He said he listens to it all the time, it's his song right now for fighting his own trials and trying to make it through. The past few weeks I've seen him spending more time with us, opening up to more people on our team and becoming a friend that most of our team knows. Those moments are always exciting to me, because it shows that a relationship is truly being built and the conversations can continually grow deeper.

For the second night in a row, we saw our friend, Silent, that we had met while with Cassandra. The previous night I had honestly thought he had been drinking for how excited he acted when he saw me. But this night he flashed a huge smile as he bent down and geared up excitedly to give me a massive hug. Our conversation with him didn't last too long, but again, I know a relationship is growing there, and to know that someone is actually excited to see us and knows exactly what we're about it always a good thing.

But something about the vibrant life and conversations on the street, the mix of people, the change from typical Thursdays for me, was refreshing and restorative and brought back some excitement that I had been lacking after the previous night.

I just continually pray that God opens doors for conversations and that we are never too slow or shy to bring up the gospel and confront the mess that people have made of their lives and that we love them enough to speak the truth and help to bring them out of the mess.

Black Friday

2008-11-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

I decided to join the Friday night team this week, especially since we hadn't stayed out as late on Thanksgiving, getting home around midnight instead of 3am. The streets were filled with many more cars, people, and noise than they had been the previous night. I escaped the cold air as I met the team in the warmth of Del Taco. They sat catching up with each other as well as our friend 'Ravi' as he ate the meal they provided to him. The night had a slow start as Michelle was interviewing Nick for a journalism class assignment, and we waited for everyone to arrive and set out. A few people took off to begin their night of meeting people at all of the usual places, and Francisco and I decided to go to 7-11 for coffee and energy drinks in the meantime.

As we arrived, there was a bit of commotion, as a guy bolted inside as the words, "there he is!" followed behind him from another guy. Figuring it was the usual ruckus, we continued on inside to get our drinks. As I stood by the coffee machine, Will ducked behind it and the snack rack on the other side, hoping to escape whoever was chasing him. It appeared that he was talking to people at the door, or just outside of it, and kept saying, "call the cops...can you call the cops? This guy's chasing me...I don't want to go out there." From the tone of his voice, it didn't sound anxious or overly dangerous, but that he was frustrated, a little angry, and slightly worried. Glancing at him, I recognized the 20-some year old black man, his tear drop-tattooed face and sleeves of tattoos. I had talked to him several times before, but in his state of worry, he didn't acknowledge me and it wasn't really the time to bring up recognition. But after saying he wanted someone to call the cops multiple times, I stepped aside from the coffee and asked if he wanted me to call the cops. He responded that we could, but what he really needed was a ride, that he needed to get away from the threat outside. After a few minutes of talking to him and debating in my mind what to do - since we didn't know the full story and weren't sure if there would be any threat to us if we involved ourselves in the situation - we ended up calling Jean-Eric to come pick him up with us. Because I knew him, and based on the sound of situation, it seemed that he was in more danger than anyone else involved, and if we could help him without being confronted by whoever was chasing him, we would be fine.

As we stood outside in the protection of the local security officers, Will told us bits and pieces of what had happened - jumped, bike stolen, couldn't run because of a hurt leg, framed and chased after...his anxiousness to just get out of the area because he didn't do anything and didn't want any trouble. We made sure that he didn't have any drugs or weapons on him before planning to give him a ride, and then the guys showed up in the 7-11 parking lot, going off again. One of them held his friend back as he yelled and tried to go after Will. The cops tried to get us all to leave until we explained that we were giving him a ride. I think it helped that a few of them were officers we had talked to last night and given Thanksgiving meals to.

Will needed to get to a train station to get home to Long Beach, but wouldn't be able to walk to one fast enough. As the cops got the guys to leave and head the other direction, we hid behind the wall of 7-11 as we waited for Jean-Eric to show up. He went on in his anger to tell more of the story, anxiously looking up and down the streets, saying he didn't know where they might show up and that he just wanted to leave without any trouble. That's when he also acknowledged that we'd met and knew each other and asked if I remembered him. He also asked about where we were from and if we were affiliated with a church, knowing what we were out there doing. When Jean-Eric showed up, we piled into the car and headed to the train station, Will continuing in his story of what happened, explaining why he was there, how he'd been homeless for a few months in Hollywood when we met him, now living in Long Beach but up here to visit friends. And from what he could tell the guys thought he was dealing drugs on their turf, even though he doesn't deal. He thanked us for the ride when we got to the train station and sent us off with a "God Bless you", and we headed back to Del Taco.

As we headed in, we ran into our friend "Cassandra" and a guy that he was with. He sat down with us, and we quickly entered into conversation about the latest gossip, as he always likes to share in his incredibly flamboyant and charismatic way. Turns out the previous night a man had been killed on one of the local bus lines, and a recent murder of a transsexual had also occurred. Apparently there's a truck that's begun being recognized with people who are out to get transgenders, or at least that's what we got from Cassandra's story, as he had had a recent encounter with the guys. The conversation quickly transitioned into religious topics as the guy he was with asked us if we were Christians. I don't think I've actually seen any boyfriends or dates of the transgenders that we talk to. It was slightly odd, and yet not all that strange at the same time, to sit with a gay couple, one looking and acting the part of the female. I guess at this point very little surprises me. But I always wonder about the people who date transgender prostitutes, and this guy was completely normal, and very engaging in our conversation. A Mexican male, dressed "like a gang banger" as he explained it, but let us know he'd never done the gang thing and didn't really understand it. He believed that Christianity was the only true religion, and knew that his sexual preference conflicted with the bible, and didn't feel right about following a religion or going to church while knowing he was acting against it. That topic led to a long, very interesting and productive conversation about the bible, God, homosexuality and sin in general, and forgiveness. Both Cassandra and Silent, as he goes by, both believe Christianity and know quite a bit about the bible, which made for an intelligent dialect. I would say maybe one of the best conversations I've had there, because 4 of us were talking to them, able to debate and discuss, but never in a confrontational, condemning, or angry way. It was completely calm with even exchange on both ends.

Silent expressed that he really enjoyed the conversation, finding these types rare, because people don't want to take the time to listen or talk about these things. And when Jean-Eric shared one of his struggles he'd dealt with since he was young, Cassandra expressed how appreciative he was that he was willing to share something like that and be real about it and asked the rest of us about our struggles, too. Clearly, it's important for us to be able to relate to people when we talk, not from a pedastal. And likewise, Cassandra told us some darker details from his childhood and some fears he'd recently had realized.

As the conversation rounded back to lighter topics, it struck me yet again how odd the situations we end up in probably appear to people. 4 young women and men - Mexican, Lebanese, Korean and American - sitting in a Del Taco in Hollywood, engaging in a deep conversation where the words "God" and "Bible" can clearly be overheard coming from a 35 year-old Mexican man and his transgender boyfriend. Laughter is interspersed through the conversation that anyone inside can hear, and then we continue talking with Silent as Cassandra stands behind me braiding my hair. From the outside it must be an odd scene...but it strikes me that even the people we don't talk to are seeing something different going on and probably notice what's happening. Hopefully there's a silent witness just from our presence and interaction with those that people on the street know well. In fact, some of the friends we've made out there have said that they saw us all the time, watched what we did and who we talked to before they ever talked to us. They knew who we were and what we were doing, even when they'd never talked to any of us, maybe had even avoided it. It's encouraging to me to think that maybe even when we're not talking to everyone there, that we're building trust with them just by being there every week and accepting 'their people', and that eventually that trust might lead to more relationships.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's been several weeks since I've written anything, part of that due to the fact that I took a two week sabbath from ministry. And before that Antquan was taking a 2 week break as well, during which I filled in to facilitate our nights out there and work on planning Thanksgiving dinner, so I've been a little busy.

Every year Broken Hearts hosts a Thanksgiving dinner for our friends we meet on the street. We usually don't know who's going to show up or what exactly to expect. We start telling people about it a few weeks ahead of time, reminding them, and letting them know when and where we'll be to pick them up for dinner. The past two years Antquan had it at his house near Orange County, and the team would bring people down from Hollywood. This year we were blessed enough to be able to partner with the Hollywood Church and Hope Again, a transitional living shelter, to provide a Thanksgiving meal to those living in the shelter, to some friends from our awesome partner, the Hollywood Church, and to friends from Santa Monica Blvd.

It was a great turnout, as we had several men and women from Hope Again join us, though only a few of our friends from Thursday and Friday nights came. Because we host the dinner earlier in the evening, many of the people we know aren't out on the street yet to participate with us. Which is why after dinner, we pack up the leftovers into individual plates and hand them out to people who couldn't make it.

For the first 20 minutes or so, the 30-35 people in the room took turns sharing what we were thankful for. Everything from good jobs, friends and family, to a roof over a head, to thanksgiving for salvation, sobriety and healing. But pretty much everyone included their reason for all of that, our God who so graciously and faithfully provides all of those things, and who, for so many, has pulled them out of a life on the street and addictions to drugs and alchohol.

Dinner was a delicous array of traditional Thanksgiving foods, and we spent the next hour or so enjoying the company of our team, visitors, and getting to know new faces from Hope Again. One of the only faces I reconized from the street was AJ, a young kid who I'd talked to a few times and came out with our friend "Ravi". He told me he was tired, that living on the street was exhausting and that he hadn't slept much lately. That he and Ravi would be sleeping on the top of an apartment building, or in the stairwell that night. And asked what church I went to and expressed interest in attending the Hollywood Church. I hadn't talked to him too much in previous weeks, but I wouldn't have guessed when he came in that night that he was so interested in change, so tired, and ready for spiritual feeding.

After the meal, we made plates to hand out on the street and divided up to pass them out. In my car we took Nat, a sold-out-for-Christ woman we had just met, who lives in a camper a few blocks down. She was set on taking plates to some of her homeless friends who live near her, so we headed there first to make sure that they were provided with a warm meal for the night. Behind a tarp covering up their belongings, we found a man and a woman, covered in blankets covering them from the now chilly air, lying on a small mattress of some sort, tucked in for the night. We chatted with them for a few minutes, then took another plate to a man who was getting into his car for the night. That point in the evening causes me to think how many needs are out there that most of us probably miss so often; how deceiving appearances can be, especially when we either don't want to see the need, or don't want to assume a need in fear of offending someone. "Do you think that guy wants a plate?" Francisco asked Nat. My limited-view response suggested that from my perception, he seemed to just be a guy getting into his van to leave..on his way somewhere, perhaps home. Nat's reply: "no, he's staying here tonight. that's his van, that's where he stays." A brief exchange and we confirmed that the van was the man's home and that he usually sleeps there, and would probably want some food. Francisco took one of our last plates to the man while we waited in the car. He came back to tell us that the man expressed great thanks for the food, and that the look in his eye when he was offered food was one that made Francisco want to cry.

My abrupt and lazy judgement had allowed me to think that this was just a normal guy taking off for the night, not in need of anything. And if it were me, I would have missed giving a basic necessity for life and a moment of concern and caring for one of the most lonely, sad, and most grateful recipients we met last night....

After dropping off Nat at her camper, we headed down to Santa Monica blvd to meet the rest of the team and pass out the rest of the food. But the streets were practically vacant, some of our regular shops closed for the night, and very few people to accept any food. We spent a lot of the evening in the parking lot where we normally have bible study. Meals went to some security guards, police officers, a man we met in the liquor store while visiting a friend who works there, our old friend Miko who came by later and wanted to know what we were all grateful for, the donut shop owners, and a few others.

The streets were crawling with cops last night, people being pulled over, chased down, hand-cuffed, and watched scrutinously throughout the evening. We sat on the wall by the adult book store and security base for a while, talking to a man we'd given some food to, and then to a younger guy the team had recently met. We passed by a guy getting interrogated and cuffed as we made a bathroom trip, and then on the way back to that wall passed by some cops standing there. "Do you come out here often?" one of them asked me. I could tell that either a questioning of why we were there, or a warning, were about to ensue. "yep. We come out here every week," I replied, met by a look of surprise. "Well I'm just gonna let you know that you shouldn't come out here, there's a lot of robberies; this is a dangerous area." I let him know that we come each week to hang out with people and have a bible study...and implied that we're aware of the danger and have no plans to stop coming. Of course he looked at me like I was a naive idiot, and a "yeah, that's cute that you're trying to do something good, but give it up" expression. I think he said something along the lines of, "well, that's good that you're trying to help, but this is a dangerous area and I would advise that you don't keep coming out here." I let him know that I understood, that I appreciated his concern and would keep it in mind, but made no promises that we'd ever stop coming. And though safety is always a concern we need to keep in mind, I didn't tell him that in 4 years that team has never had any major saftey issues. A few threatening people, perhaps, but nothing beyond that.

It made me keep thinking though...surprisingly people don't ever seem to mind us being out there or have much of a problem with us. At least from the standpoint of us being obvious outsiders and encroaching on a turf that is far from our usual hang outs. From the standpoint of us being Christians and holding beliefs that conflict with their lifestyle, that's where we find more resistance and anger. As a cop, I'm sure that man sees all the bad, and gets endless attitude and anger expressed towards him. They're there to enforce the law, they infringe on the "freedom" that people have down there, they can be oppressive and they're the ones who send them to jail and give them trouble...often unfairly. But we've made friends with those same people...the people who are hassled by cops, who deal drugs, who pimp and steal and lie, and probably cause trouble for the law enforcement, are also some of the same ones who have our back, who come to our bible studies, who engage in conversations about God with us.

This year I'm incredibly grateful for that - for our ministry, for God's protection, for the relationships he's allowed us to build when it seems crazy to the outside world, for the way that he uses us to help people out there, and for the lives he slowly rebuilding and giving hope to.

2008-10-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

It's amazing in this type of ministry how the smallest thing can be such a huge encouragement. This past Thursday was...well, just kind of blah for me. I didn't feel like I had any productive conversations, didn't feel like the bible study had any major impact, and it was one of those days that I left feeling discouraged and useless.

Then today sitting at work, I got a call on my cell phone from a number in the LA area that I didn't recognize. I ignored it, as I usually do with numbers I don't know. But then they called back about 10 minutes later. Knowing there was a minor chance it could be someone from Hollywood, I answered. I couldn't have been more shocked to hear, "Hey Holly, I don't know if you remember me, but this is "Andy"...from Hollywood?..." I met him two weeks ago and wrote about him on this blog. He had been out on the streets for 2 days when I met him.

I can't even remember how many times I've given my number to people in Hollywood, told them to call if they needed anything or just wanted to talk...and never heard from them. Especially 2 weeks after the fact. I haven't seen him since, and two weeks later he called to check in. I'm still in shock. He wanted to let me know that he'd gotten into a shelter and wanted to say hi.

Two things stood out after we got done with a brief conversation. One was that our conversation must have actually had some impact. To remember me 2 weeks later, and actually to have kept my phone number and name and not lost it, and then to actually call me must mean that something stuck out to him about our talk. People rarely call even when we have deep conversations...and yet he called after about an hour conversation. Did God actually do something in that time? Crazy! Of course I like to think and believe that God is at work in those moments, but so often am truly in doubt because I never see anything come out of them.

The other thing that stood out, but on a much more somber note, was that he's staying at the gay and lesbian center. And if I remember right, I think someone else we know is staying there now as well. This also happens to be a place that several teens go to finish their GED, find housing, gets AIDS tests and find other kinds of help. It's a place they know will help them, and where they know they'll be accepted. It's a helpful place to this community, and it always breaks my heart that the secular world, and a place that embodies things we as Christians stand against, are the ones actually providing service to people and giving them a place to go. Shouldn't Christians be the first ones down there, providing for the needs in the community and being known as a safe haven and refuge for these types of people? A place that they can depend on for assistance, relationship, and acceptance? Why do we so often avoid this community, while the gay and lesbian culture provides a stronger light and hope than we do?

2008-10-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, lots to write about since I missed writing for a week. In fact, as I'm thinking what to write I'm blanking on a lot of what's happened.

Last week I went out on Thursday night, as well as with the group that goes out on Fridays. Thursday night I had several brief conversations...with regulars like "Ravi" and "Manny" and "Tony" and his friends, and the guys who work at the new Hoagies and Wings place that took over the Mexican food joint. But our bible study was full of people. Several hyped-up prostitutes, several new visitors, Tony and his boyfriend and friends, and "Mya" who's been coming for several weeks in a row. I also met "Sam", a good friend of "Alex", who I've written about regularly. Right after the service was done and the food was gone, most of the group took off. But we talked to "Siggy" and a few others for a while afterwards.

On Friday night, it started out slow and I planned to leave early, and had a feeling that I wasn't going to be having any good conversations. It was also freezing, with blowing wind, and a TV pilot was being filmed in the Del Taco parking lot, so there were a few obstacles to start with. But as we were walking around after getting coffee to warm up and trying to stay out of the way of filming, I heard, "hey you!" And realized that our friend "Alex" was trying to get my attention. So we ended up sitting at H&W for a while, chatting and catching up, although I was sad to hear the place he'd been staying at didn't work out and so he was back to staying in a motel.

After that conversation ended because he was going to be used as an extra in the filming, we met up with "Cassandra" on the other side of H&W and talked to him for a while. The black lacy bra and small gold jacket he wore was barely enough to withstand the freezing weather and wind outside, but he didn't seem to notice much as he chatted with us about his recent debut in a transgender calendar.

We ended up back in Del Taco after that for some warmth, and talked again to "Tony" for a while as they stood in line for food, before sitting down with Ravi and catching up with him while he ate. Cassandra ended up coming in and sitting down with us. This was around the time I planned to leave, but his loud, charismatic and over-the-top speech and personality kept me there for a while, wanting to get to know him more and being fully entertained by his stories. Again, around 1:30 or so when I planned to leave, the conversation turned more to spiritual things when he asked, "why do you guys do this?" We talked about Jesus and God, and he said he loves God and believes in Jesus, but generally associates Christians and the church with gay-haters. We talked about his bad experiences with church people, and we tried to explain why we're out there and how we're trying to show love and be different than stereotypical Christians.

Finally around 3am the conversation ended and we headed home. Sometimes it's hard for me to leave, feeling like I haven't been able to speak a lot of truth or biblical wisdom and proof into people's lives, or go deep about their stories. But I'm also realizing that to truly make an impact, sometimes it just takes time and patience of buiding trust and relationships, and showing our consistency in order to display God's faithfulness. Which seemed reinforced the following Thursday when we saw Cassandra again and he told us that there were some other Christians walking around and how he and his friend had been running from them. His story-telling was hilarious and had us all laughing, picturing them running in their heels away from the "Christians" as he said, "Girl, run away, they're gonna try to save us!" and "I believe in you guys and what you believe, not them". Which was an odd statement, and I'm not sure exactly who those people were. But the fact that this person - so incredibly different from us and isolated from the world in general, but definitely from the Christian community - trusts us and calls us his friend when he wouldn't do that with others. And that takes time and persistence and the Holy Spirit...and when the time is right he'll know exactly who to come to for help, with questions, and when he's ready to make a change. We just have to be there and ready.

The rest of the night, after hanging out on the corner with a couple of drunk transgender prostitutes, and having a mini-dance party on the street, I mostly spent talking to a young guy who had only been on the streets for 2 days after being evicted because his roommate had been stealing the rent money. A successful PR manager in the area, this was the first time he'd been on the streets, had little to his name, and experienced a totally new way of life. He was very down and incredibly tired and didn't know where to go. He had already put his name on every shelter's waiting list and was just waiting for his monthly paycheck to be able to pay for a hotel room until he could find a new place. He shared some of his story with me, and that he does believe in Jesus and trusts God, and how he won't prostitute even though several people were suggesting that's what he do.

While that conversation was going on, the guy Darius we had met a few weeks previously was there talking to Tessa, and "Mya" was talking with Tanya. By the end of the night, Mya had prayed with Tanya to receive Christ again and admitted he didn't want to prostitute, didn't want his gay lifestyle to be an abomination to Christ, and wanted to change!!

Please pray that the lifestyle of Hollywood and Satan will no longer have the power to suck him in and lie to him, but that he'll be able to fight the temptations and stay strong in this new decision!

Bondage

2008-10-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

As usual, we met many colorful characters last night while also getting to deepen existing relationships in Hollywood. But instead of talking about every conversation I'll just focus on one for this post.

We are currently going through Romans at The Refuge...a book which hits on so many issues that people are dealing with there. Last night was Romans 6, mainly focused on being slaves to sin vs. slaves to righteousness: "Do no let sin control the way you live, do not give in to sinful desires...Don't you realize that you become the slave of whater you choose to obey? you can be a slave to sin, which leads to death or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living..."

We are all slaves to sin, slaves to something besides righteousness that pulls us away from God. There's few stories that exemplify that more clearly than a young Italian man we met last night. 22 years old, "Giovanni" says that he's a computer programmer and biochemist (grows pot in his house) and makes 3/4 of a million dollars per year. But that he comes to hang out on the street because it's interesting...and because he wants to meet women. He was born in Italy, hates his parents and was adopted by a couple living in America and now he lives in the Hollywood Hills and knows tons of celebrities. Not sure how much of that is true. But most of our conversation centered around his massochisitic tendencies, his many scars from enjoying pain...which crosses right over into his sexual life. Between the f-bombs, and his admittance that he enjoys vulgar conversations and talking about things that make people uncomfortable at times, everything pretty much had to do with sex. He said he doesn't even really enjoy it anymore, but has tried everything and loves talking about it, but has been single and celibate for a year. He definitely hit on Tessa and I several times and made more inappropriate comments than need to be discussed. Oh, and his other favorite topic was pot that he uses to relieve his constant pain from a blood disease and well as the feeling of wellness he has when high.

A lot of people out there are slaves to sex and drugs, we see that all the time. but when you can't stop talking about it and everything is XXX rated, it's clearly a problem. And one so bad that he has no idea he's a slave to it.

But he came to our bible study and listened and was willing to discuss, even if it was mostly arguing. By the end of the night he had actually agreed to be prayed for and said he might come back again. Why, I don't know, but whatever brings him back is fine with me.

It's so hard to meet people like that and know how much they're missing out on because God has allowed them to be given to their sinful desires, as it says in Romans. Pray for him, as well as others like him on the street who believe every lie Satan tells them and are completely enslaved to the world around them. That their hearts would be softened to Christ and his pure joy and hope.

2008-09-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

This week was a nice change of pace, because we actually spent the majority of our time with familiar faces. Guys who have been returning for several weeks in a row. That doesn't happen often, so it's exciting when we see people coming specifically on Thursdays to hang out, eager to hear the word and be prayed for.

A few of us got there early, so we headed into Del Taco to hang out and talk about how we might do a better job at reaching the transgender population, and why it’s so difficult. While we were there, our friend “Manny” we had met a few weeks ago came inside and joined us. We’ve seen him every week since meeting, and he’s also been hanging out with the Friday night crew. He told us he’d had a crazy week. He just got out of jail because when some police were harassing him, he ended up punching them and sent to jail. And he’s stopped talking to his girlfriend, whose house he was staying at, so now he’s back on the street.

After the rest of the group got there and we’d had some more time to chat with him, we headed out to start the night with prayer. Manny took off, but our friend Romeo joined up while we were praying. A passionate Christian, he shared with me and Francisco for quite a while, encouraging us to keep sharing Christ with everyone. He spoke on and on about how even though he’s homeless and has nothing, he’s got Jesus and as long as he’s got that, he’s fine. And everyone there knows he’s a Christian and he proclaims it all the time. It was good to hear that we have been able to be an encouragement to him also, seeing us on the streets sharing Jesus with others. He reminded us how it’s a place full of temptation and trouble, and he wasn’t even willing to come to our bible study that night because he knew heading down that direction would bring him trouble. He was trying to get out of the area that night.

On the way to bible study, we stopped to chat with the guys barbecuing at the hot wings place that has replaced what used to be a favorite Mexican food joint. It’s typically known to be a place that prostitutes hang out to get dates, and usually where people are doing drugs. It’s become a little bit more of a community place now, with the barbecues on the street and the workers hanging out at the seats outside to keep people from lingering there. I found out later that the following night, our Friday night group used the barbecue and brought their own food to cook and serve to the people on the street and drew a pretty large crowd. So awesome to hear how God inspired creativity in them to build some community and reach out in unique ways.

As we wandered on, I heard someone say hi from the opposite side of the stand, and recognized “Alex”, someone I know well even though I’ve only seen him there a handful of times. The first time we met, I and a few other girls had a very long conversation with him about how he’s a Christian, doesn’t want to be working on the streets, and wants to get into fashion. We hugged and chatted for a while as Alex updated me on what’s been happening. He was sitting with a friend, smoking a joint, until a couple of other guys I’ve met there before wanted to join in. Alex told one of them off as he touched him in a way that indicated he wanted more. Alex wasn’t having it that night, wasn’t wanting to be there on the streets, doing what he does to make money. So we took off to our bible study, which didn’t end up happening. People were engaging in conversations with Mike, a Christian guy who spent the evening giving Antquan some ideas and perspective on how to minister better here; and “Seth”, the guy who rededicated his life a few weeks ago and has been coming to our bible study regularly because he doesn’t have a church home of his own; and “Ravi” who came to hang out with us once again, but spent much of the night sleeping in Antquan’s back seat; and Alex and I headed into the donut shop to eat and chat. We talked again about how he wants to find a real job and is trying, wants to get into fashion and off the streets. Kayla and Jen joined us later and we continued the discussion about what God wants, why things might be going the way they are, how to go about finding a job, and how much God loves him, but might just want Alex to trust him to provide instead of giving into the temptation to make it on his own with his sexuality. Once again, it was a very good conversation and he said he would be trying to stay away from Hollywood this week and let God provide; but that he’d be back on Thursday to hang out with us. So we’ll see how that goes.

Overall it was a good night, good turn out and many long conversations for each person on our team. It’s encouraging to feel like we’re actually able to provide some discipleship for these brothers who are on the street and struggling, but still pursuing God.